This myTake is going to be about communication and the lack of it, the #1 killer of relationships in my opinion.
I am a very firm believer in the fact that communication is the key to making any relationship work.
Lack of communication
I have notice that the only time my parents fight, is when someone forgets to mention something. My dad got mad when my brother rolled down the window in the car, because he had told him not to when he was running the AC. It would make sense that, if you first get into the car and it's about 100F in it, that you're going to roll down the window. But what dad really meant, was don't roll down the window, it's broken and it won't go back up. He snaps at my brother. My mom snaps at him. Everyone ends up snippy and frustrated because my dad didn't mention that the window was broken.
My best friend recently messaged me. Her husband didn't make what she wanted for dinner, and she was literally upset about this, she came to me complaining, instead of talking to him. I told her to suck it up, she should have been clearer about her dinner wishes if it was that big of a deal., because she had just assumed that he knew what she wanted.
I don't talk to my relatives anymore. I've seen them once, at my great grandma's funeral. They disagreed with my parent's decision to place my older brother into a 2 year program in a mental facility, and they failed to tell us that they disagreed with it. If they had told us earlier on, maybe they would have resented us less. It would've hurt my parents less, knowing that they hadn't waited over a year to tell us they though a different route would have been better.
Point is. The lack of communication is insane nowadays. Everyone is on their phones. You cannot properly convey emotion through a screen. Have important discussions in person, and have them. Do not avoid them simply because you don't wanna talk about it. After dates, if I feel it went well, I'll tell them that and tell them what about ti I enjoyed. If it went poorly and it was one of my first dates with someone, I'll make it clear what went wrong.
From the beginning, just be honest in what you want.
I want 3 or 4 kids, a long term relationship, marriage and a house. I make this clear after a few dates, because if someone else is not looking for what I am, I am not going to waste my time with them.
Lots of times, relationships fail because one person wants kids and the other doesn't. One wants marriage, one does not. They have different ideas on what they want their retirement to look like. Just be honest from the start and these things won't cause as many problems later in the relationship. Yes, these goals change, but when they do, communicate this with your partner.
One night stands and hookups often occur with one side thinking they have a chance to be with the person again. Friends with benefits seem to end up with one individual having unrequited love for the other. If you don't want a relationship, make it clear, if the other person does, it's time to move on.
Say what's on your mind. Don't hold back.
My best friend oftentimes hides in her bed with a blanket over her head when she's mad, upset, sad, depressed, moody, not feeling good, etc. And she shuts down. Your friends and SO are there for you - let them help you. Talk to them. No one can help you if you refuse to talk about the problem.
I rushed across the state with my best friend and her husband, over 200 miles, to see her dying grandma. If she had refused to tell us why she was down, that would not have been possible.
Talk with your friends and families if something is bothering you. I went on a date with a guy, and I told him what I felt did not go well, which was that he would not take no for an answer. We went out a few more times, things got heated, but I didn't want sex without a condom. He did. He tried to rape me after I told him no repeatedly. I left. The next day I ended things and I told him exactly why I was ending things, he thought it was because we lived too far apart(20 minute drive.). He accepted it, and we have both moved on. If I had ghosted him, he would not have taken it as well.
Make yourself very clear. Don't play with subtlety in major situations. Don't make someone guess what's on your mind. Everyone who knows me knows I say exactly what I mean. I don't play mind games or tricks on people to see if they like me. I'll flatout ask someone, hey, wanna go out sometime? Or you got a phone number?
Tone and volume are important!
An argument usually escalates when one person raises their voice, changes their tone to a condescending one, or otherwise upsets the other person. Keep your tone and volume calm when discussing something. Speak slowly, don't talk over others, because all that will do is cause the other to raise their voice, in return you raise your voice, and so forth until everyone is yelling and not listening.
Listening to others who are trying to tell you something.
A conversation can yes, be with you and yourself. I talk to myself... sometimes... BUT moving on. If there is someone that you are talking to, understand that they will probably want to say something in return. Do not just talk incessantly without a break to give another persona word in edgewise. A conversation is typically between 2 or more people. Treat it like that, not like a soliloquy or a monologue. If you're talking, give equal time and attention to the other people you were talking to.
Also, do NOT treat the other person's opinion as if it is unworthy, or stupid, or as if they're stupid for saying it. If you want them to take yours seriously, take theirs seriously. I have to admit, this can be hard when you're trying to tell an 8 year old why a blanket fort will not work in his room and that their is nothing to build it with, but he looks up at you with big, pleading eyes. I have to admit, I lost that battle. We ended up using hair ties, blankets, and dresser drawers to make one awesome heck of a fort.
This is also an important part of communication. Hand gestures, motions, eye rolls, middle fingers. Yep. They get the point across people well. Avoid negative non-verbal gestures if you are looking for a positive outcome. Nod your head, smile, make eye contact.
Grow up people! Communication is what helped us to evolve into smarter(somewhat) and become the creature at the top of the food chain. Good communication is vital when it comes to maintaining relationships.
I'm known for my lack of a filter in real life. I'll tell you if your makeup looks funny, or that you're acting like a 5 year old throwing a fit about something irrelevant. Don't get offended if someone tells you the truth. The truth can hurt yes, that's why people are so fake nowadays. But grow a pair of cajones and if you think you need to spice up your sex life with your wife or hubby, tell them that. Don't just go cheat on them to find the adventure you crave. If you like someone, tell them that. Ask them out. If they say no, respect that.
Say what you need to say. Bottled up emotions are dangerous. Communicate with people!!
Most Helpful Opinions
"Everyone is on their phones. You cannot properly convey emotion through a screen. Have important discussions in person, and have them. Do not avoid them simply because you don't wanna talk about it."
This is fantastic advice, and should be rammed home at every opportunity.
ohh yeah. Don't get me wrong. I like my phone but I won't be on it when I need to have an important conversation. plus I don't want to risk getting spelling errors, being misunderstood since I can't use my voice to get my emotions across right. Etc.