Search Results: i still very much love him

SO, I’d like to preface this by saying my boyfriend has always known about all of this. Everything has been communicated to the best of my ability. I just can’t shake the guilt.

i used to post a lot on here about my ex, who I thought I loved. Truth be told, he manipulated me, gaslit me and made me feel less than human. Even once told me to k*ll myself. During our relationship, there came a point where the only way he’d want me around was for sex. In an abusive relationship, you obviously feel the need to keep them, so I did what I needed to do. Usually out of fear that he would’ve left. That lasted for 1 year, and then for 2.5 additional after we broke up, because he never left me alone.
March 2020, I meet my current boyfriend, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and my ex has apologized and we’re semi-okay just because we have mutual friends and I still carried a lot of trauma — was 18 when I met him, am 23 now.
about 4 or so months into my relationship my ex starts to send me sexual texts, to which I would either respond “haha yeah we can’t do that anymore” or ignore that entirely. But he was persistent. And I would see him on occasion because of our friends. He’d always ask to touch me, and it would take a lot of goading and a lot of me saying no, so there were times I said yes, only for him to put a hand on me and then for me to run away. then he would text me about it, say how much he missed me and my body, and I was afraid that if I didn’t say it back, we wouldn’t be friends anymore. So I answered, very vaguely, never sexting in return. But after much therapy, I had the strength to cut him off. Because he was making me uncomfortable. My boyfriend always knew about all of this, and he always said that he saw me as a victim of abuse by my ex who had developed a trauma bond, and I never engaged too heavily (that I can remember — I’ve shut most of this time out). But I still feel like my boyfriend should be mad. Am I a terrible person for allowing this?