Search Results: how to get over a cheating boyfriend

My boyfriend and I have been together for +4 years. In the beginning (first 1.5 years) he cheated on me multiple times. I forgave it all except for one time where he had a whole relationship with another. I still couldn't leave him alone (because of love) and decided to check his Skype (I knew his password). I know I shouldn't have gone on his Skype but I just had to break my heart to be able to leave him.

After months we started talking again. He didn't speak to the girl anymore. From there on we are dating again.

Now, about a week ago he started talking to her again. He offered me to read the messages between them but I declined. I was terrified that I was going to get upset and cry in his face. When he was sleeping I broke into his phone. Obviously I should've taken the chance he gave me but my feelings took over (again).

What I read was honestly heartbreaking. He told her all kinds of sexual things like:
"I wanna come give it to you.", "I would be able to have fun with your small boobs.", "You're allowed to use your mouth sometimes too.", "Come sit on me.", "I'm your BFF who wants to fuck you sometime."
I left the bed and cried until the sun came up.

When I told him, he just told me it was a joke and this is what they've always been like. I was hurt so I didn't accept his kisses/hugs. In the evening, I was alone, still crying and upset from what I've read. He was in the other room talking to his friends which included the girl. I just can't understand how he thought that was a good idea? I told him this too and he said it was a coincidence. He also told me he did it because I pushed him away.

I tried to forgive him and yesterday I was doing my absolute best to make it a good night. I kissed/hugged him, played PS4 with him, etcetc. But I still had this feeling, so I did it again. I checked his phone and he was complaining about me to the girl.

Am I just toxic? Is this normal? He acts like I'm upset over nothing, is he right? Please help.

So me and my ex boyfriend have been together for 1year. We have both always been there for each other - doctors appointments, his surgery, he also helped me lose weight and get my drivers license. Occasionally we were having small stupid disagreements like about what I should wear, drama with his friends- he has always kept our relationship private. He was also in jail for 3 months. he was talking to me everyday saying how much he loves me and misses me and was talking to me about future plans. i was also visiting his parents house and him in jail. he knows I’m loyal to him and would never cheat on him.
Now as soon as he came out of jail, he began to act a bit differently: we were fighting more often (about what I should be wearing, my diet, and finances. 4 weeks ago he began talking to a mutual friend of ours whom recently broke up with her ex. I stayed home then he went out. So I was online after and suddenly this female tells me that she’s on a date with my man. I freaked out and was phoning her and my boyfriend then he separated with me cuz of that, yet he still has me staying over at his house cuz he wants to potentially fix things between us. He also tells me that he’s using her to show her off to our group of friends cuz he doesn’t want people to suspect that me and him were/are ever together cuz he was away for 3 months. Yet he talks to her everyday and is having sex with her and stays overnight with her on weeeknds... and he's with me during the week... he also says he doesn’t have those kinds of feelings for her and that she’s too tall for him. Now he also tells me that he prefers her in the sense that she listens to his fashion advice whereas I don’t always and she also cools him off when he’s hot whereas I don’t... he says it hurts him how someone whom he's not in love with does these things and I the girl he loves me, doesn’t... he also tells me that he would end things sooner than later with her if I show him improovements and be a “good girl”