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I never understood for what reasons we men were "indoctrinated" since we were little boys to never cry as it was seen as girly and weak and a sign of defeat. Quite literally we were either told and programmed to never cry or we received the same idea from the media and the movies of immortal superheroes... for the better or worse but the reasons were never disclosed. That is until I made the bitter discovery myself, which I am going to share with you all, so you hopefully won't repeat the same mistake, that I did.
In fact there are actual and disclosed reasons why holding it all in is a bad idea as it is damaging and degrading our invaluable health long term. I mean seriously, it's not good, it does more harm than gain. I've tried that myself and it took it's big toll on me.
In regards to men crying I have posted one and the same question 2 times already here and here and the responses I got was pretty much the same: Practically non existent.
So I am going to draw conclusions out of what I have already so far.
My story
I live very far away from my actual home. I can hardly get used to my new area even though i am here for many years already. What am I doing here? I am studying and working, going to graduate soon. Fate didn't allow me to go back home.
I had a very hard time earlier this year. The stress i got from everything in my life was too much for me to handle. My job demanded a lot of labor within 40 hours, my studies and exams in my semester wore me out, i had no time for any hobbies and the chores in my home piled up as a result of focusing on both. The ultimate trigger was my sudden homesickness recurring to me again.
So one day I came home earlier than usual from work and took one day off also to do something about my stress levels and emotional health. It became unbearable for me.
My then girlfriend of 9 months asked me via text how i am and me being the honest man i told her, that I'm down and in tears. BIG, FATAL MISTAKE❗️ The point of no return has been reached. I should not have done this 🤦♀️
She decided to come over to me to support me. We cuddled, leaned on each other and she saw me crying and she also broke into sobbing and tears. We wiped the tears off, stroke each other and had our arms around each other at all times. She stayed that night at my place and we slept together in the same bed (no sex!).
It's been 6 months since then.
So like what can we learn from it? Never cry? Never let your woman see your wounds and tears? Never tell your woman that you're down and in tears? We men are the leaders and if a leader falls, then what kind of leader is that? is that it? Were we as boys taught this for this exact reason? It's literally impossible. We aren't indestructible machines.
Or was she just a bitch and the relationship could not have lasted either way? She was my first everything from my first kiss all the way through intimacy. 🤷
My advice
At some point you (as a guy) likely will have to release tears and that's perfectly normal. I encourage it but do so very carefully.
1) First and most important
Do NOT cry in front of your girlfriend. I know - that should have been obvious from the get go.
And do not cry in front of any of her friends either. Or anyone, who has direct contact to her. Word about it will get to her and you'll be busted and single faster than you may figure.
Crying in front of your girlfriend is a break up sentence ☠ Do absolutely everything and anything within your powers and by any means necessary to not let it happen.
Think about it. If her boyfriend cries (and men are "supposed" to be leaders, strong and unstoppable) what do you expect would happen or her reaction would be? Women want to date men - unless she's a lesbian, feminazi or a WGTOW (women going their own way) of course. None of it are of any dating chances for any man.
2) Find a safe room and lock yourself in - alone 🗝
Hide in the basement, in the garage, in the workshop... anywhere, where you're alone.
The bathroom works the very best of all. In the bathroom you can turn on the faucet or the shower and sob silently 🚿. The sound of the running water will mask your weeping. Wash the evidence of you crying away afterwards with water and you can leave the bathroom with your business done and unsuspecting!
Your bedroom or bed is not a good option. Your woman may want to join you under your blanket and she'll discover your wet eyes.
If not at home, then go for a secluded place outside somewhere. The forest, an empty parking lot, somewhere behind a business center (business centers may have a WC but you'd better hope they're still open and accessible to you and that they're little rooms!). Make sure to bring napkins, a water bottle and/or towels with you, so it looks like you're just sweating.
Plan ahead, so you can unfold your plan! I want you to plan ahead after reading this article.
3) Women are quite sneaky and observant 🔭 - Subtly dive under their radar
Even when we think we are not being watched by them right now, they are always watching
If you want to get away from your woman in order to cry privately, you will have to find your path under their radar if crying at home is not an option.
For example pretend, that you need to go to the store and buy something or that you must visit your doctor for some consultation.
Going to buy new clothes, cologne, bags or groceries is a no go. Women love that and will want to join you. You will have to go to a shop, where women are very unlikely to come along with you: Hardware store, electronics, car parts... And when you return, you say, that you didn't find the needed part or that it was sold out or that you got the information you needed. Easy.
Again, you must plan ahead now and be realistic how you will play out your plan with many "in case of" scenarios. She may likely ask "What do you need? Where exactly are you going to go? When will you be back? Can I join you? But you have never gone to X before.".
But on the bright side
You must understand, that us crying is the real test of your girlfriend's loyalty. Make use of it extremely wisely. You can call it our male variant of "shit test" for women whereas women have many more "shit tests" for us.
If she's a good one, she'll stay. If not, she'll abandon you like she abandoned me.
There are some passes, where you actually can cry in front of her in case you lost forever a close one, your relative, your pet and so on. It's just extremely sad, that the death of somebody is your one of the few if not the only pass to shed some tears like it's some sort of "cry your heart out" card.
Count your blessings
So what if it didn't work out either way?
No girlfriend is better than a terrible girlfriend. It depends on how soon you are comfortable with it.
Realize, that life goes on regardless and that there are many more things to life than girls.
You are in charge of your own life. Lead on. You will fall and rise and laugh and cry and run and sleep and be courageous and fear and win and lose... Keep moving forward and don't stop (unless you have to patch yourself up temporarily).
One thing is certain
Unless i am absolutely and confidently 1000% sure, that I can trust my next and future woman OR i am ready to test her loyalty towards me, certain deals (in particular crying) must be kept strictly and deeply hidden and never be uncovered like even more than cheating. Not even an electrical chair type of interrogation will make me confess. I will stay true to my oath. If a woman asks me how I'm feeling, any other response than "wonderful/good" or "neutral/so and so" I will not say 😬🤐
Of course I am missing the good memories of relationships and love but as much as I want a girlfriend it's not meant to be for me at this time as it seems. To mitigate the loneliness and the problems of being single for too long and the lack of love I am currently on antidepressant meds to maintain myself as well as hanging out with my friends. Fortunately it's been working for me.
I thank you for reading! I hope you have taken something valuable from my article and learned a thing or two. If you have anything interesting to say, say it now.
Have a wonderful day!
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