After seeing the same question repeat itself several times a day, I thought I might write something about it.
So I had my first break-up recently and learnt quite a few things from it. Getting over her wasn't too easy but I managed to do it in real quick time so I think I wanna share it.
1. Don't *actively* try to forget about them.
Yeah, so you two broke up and the thoughts of your ex can't stop bothering you. You try too hard to forget about them but fail miserably and find yourself in a sad situation.. again. I think this is a mistake almost everyone of us does.
Here is a fact: you can't forget about them. Lol they have been a part of your life and they have been the closest person to you for a certain amount of time and you think you can forget them just like that? Lol no, it just doesn't happen.
Just accept the fact that they have been a part of your life and you have spent time together. You *in no way* can change that. The sooner you realize it, the better.
2. Cry all you want.
Okay, it hurts, we all know that. Be lenient on yourself and let it all out. Have some private space and burst all you want. But don't make this habit. Give as long as you want but be sure to note that you make some progress and you're not crying as bad as yesterday. You both left each other, it's up to you on how long you want them to still mess with your life. The quicker your recover, the better.
3. Start keeping yourself busy and being productive.
Have a hobby, get out, do sports, study, go running, play video games, hang out with your friends etc.. do whatever it takes you to divert your mind. It may not seem to work initially but you gotta give it some time.
Taking care of yourself and managing your routine is one way to score two goals at the same time. It'll help in diverting your mind too.
Seeing the brighter side, you now have freedom to have some more space to yourself and work upon your interests.
If your interest is chasing a romantic relationship *only*, then you're a lost cause.
4. Break any contact with your ex (atleast until you're completely over them).
This is really necessary. Don't try to work things out again, don't message them about *any thing*, remove them completely from every social media of yours and that also includes not stalking them; don't do that. Also, no 'post break-up sex'. If you are still thinking about what your ex is doing, it means that you have a lot of free time on your sleeves. Go and do something productive!
Delete every picture, loving text and whatever materialistic thing you have of them with you (thoughts take time so no sweating).
4. Know when to give up.
If you have got back together with your ex after breaking up with them a couple of times before and things still aren't working out, stop milking the dead cow. There are plenty better than your ex, you just don't know them.
5. Make a note of your mistakes and accept your faults.
Don't worry, your ego won't hurt, they don't know that you have realized your mistakes now. You're in everyway, making things better for you.
It is recommended to this after you have made some progress so that you can think clearly. After you're done with the period of self hatred and have decided to not kill yourself, be thankful that you're normal.
Now, think about all the mistakes you did in your previous relationship and if you're forgetful, note them down. Continue making an improvement and realize that you need improvements too, no matter how small.
6. Know that 'love' isn't always happiness.
No matter how much you loved the person, if you two aren't compatible with each other, 'love' can't do anything for you but increase the amount of hurt when you two leave each other.
7. Know that your ex wasn't 'the one' for you
If they were, you two wouldn't have broken up. It maybe hard for you to imagine yourself with someone else but trust me, that someone else is better (for you) than your ex.
8. Focus more on what lead to the break-up rather than the good memories.
Thinking about the good times you two had together isn't gonna let you loose from the bindings of the feeling of sadness because of the break up. They are also going to hinder you from finding a better partner. Avoid thinking about them unless you're completely over them.
Thinking about the things which caused your break-up is productive as you don't wanna repeat them in future with your next partner and also helps you in assuring yourself that the break-up was worth it.
Some tips and warnings:
1. Don't go out looking for another relationship unless you are completely over your ex. You don't want to make yourself an emotional baggage in someone else's life and hence whine about two consecutive break-ups at once.
2. Stop wasting time in thinking about your ex and trying to make them jealous. It's really stupid and time consuming.
3. Don't wallow in self hatred and self pity. That's pathetic. Rather, have something better to do: make improvements.
You will know once you're over them when you wake up one day and their thought isn't the first thing which comes to your mind. Even if their thought clicks your mind, you'll quickly end up thinking 'Okay, but where is my toothbrush dammit!?'
^that's the progress you needed.
You and your ex happened to be a part of each other lives and you two aren't together anymore. Have it as another experience of people who come really close to you and go. People have lived their lives their own way, they have different mindsets and different experiences than yours which shaped their mind very differently than yours. They treat you with whatever they feel is right, they treat you in an attempt to keep themselves safe at the same time, they have their own issues. Because you are not *completely* them, you can't you can't be judgmental about them. You had your own issues, your ex had theirs. Break-up was simply the fact that you two weren't compatible. If leaving them suits you best, leave them ASAP. Holding a grudge against your ex is only gonna stress you out. Unless the first time machine is invented, you have to work upon getting over people. So instead, try to be thankful to them for being of a good use to you and giving you a new experience and being someone to carve out the better of you (if you're willing to make improvements) for your next.
Or there is another way to look at it:
'Fuck it, I have better things to do.' Short, simple and affective.
Well those are just my thoughts.
That's all peeps.
Hope it helps.
Thank you for reading it.