How I Got Over My Ex

[swanask]

This is going to be a pretty short Take, but I am going to share something personal which I feel may help other people.

My ex and I were together for 3 years, you would imagine the heartbreak I had when he told me that he wants to end the relationship... It took a while to get over him but something I did made things quicker and much less painful.

During my relationship, I kept a diary

I'm aware that keeping a diary isn't for everyone... But hear me out.

I wrote daily, something I did before the relationship too, I just like to keep a diary.

I colour coded my diary

Normally I wrote in black. However when and if my partner did something that really upset me that day or soemthing I found very out of place, I went into FULL detail (The situation and my current emotions and feelings at that time) and wrote it out in red.

How did this help?

After the breakup it is not unusual that all we tend to think about is the good parts of the relationsip. We tend to ignore any negatives and start to miss what went well. We tend to glamorise the relationship and forget about all the reasons it didn't work out in the first place! - we miss the positive memories and emotions we were feeling.

My diary made the breakup process quicker and less painful:

After the breakup I went to read over my dairy. Of course, not every word or paragraph, or day. But instead I read through ALL the red writing, all of it. I reminded myself of all the red flags I had ignored because I was "in love" with my partner. I overlooked so many things I probably shouldn't have. Sometimes while I was reading through I even thought well damn, I should have ended our relationship there and then! - I did this as often as I needed to (every time I felt I missed him).

This was my way of getting over my ex. I still write a diary today and will continue to do so. I enjoy writing and a diary feels very personal to me. Something like "me time".

This is my first Take so please be kind :)

Thank you for taking the time to read this Take

SwanAsk

[lumos]

This is actually a very good idea. And even if things are good in your relationship in general it's a good idea to have an outlet, such as a diary in your case. I'm a pretty private person so I don't feel comfortable running to my friends and family whenever things go wrong between my boyfriend and I. Not only is it good to keep some things private, but it also means that your boyfriend's image won't be ruined for your friends and family. If they just keep hearing about the bad stuff (and none of the good stuff), they'll think he's a bad person, even if he isn't.
So I can see how a diary is functional in many different ways. Great take!

[swanask]

Thank you so much! I'm aware that it isn't a method that works for everyone, it is quite private and personal, but if it works for even someone out there then I am happy to have helped :)

[John_Doesnt]

I got over my ex with self delusion: I slept with her sister, mom and then I became a famous millionaire with a 13 inch penis.

[Charlotte0204]

😂😂😂😂

[DonkeyRick69]

And to really rub salt on the wound you banged her brother too

[stawrman]

This is classic

[DonkeyRick69]

@stawrman and the family dog

[FlorandFauna]

I also keep a diary, I write since I'm 8 (now I'm almost 19). It depends how much I write, but usually I write about 3 times a week. Now I'm going trough a rough time, I'm trying to get over a guy. In the past, writing in my diary has always helped me get over things sooner. This guy has been stuck in my head for a month now. It's been long enough. Hopefully writing in my diary will help me again, like it used to. I'm happy that it helps you too. And writing about the negative things with red, that's a good one! Will remember it.

[swanask]

That is a long time to keep up with a diary, good for you! Feel free to try this method, hope everything turns out well for you :)

[FlorandFauna]

Thank you! You really influenced me since I'm actually planning to use this method.

[Vmm90]

I keep a journal as well, helps with dealing with emotions and I too recently went through something and writing about it helps and you can look over it again and see that not everything was as it seemed to be. I think your idea of colour coordinating is great I may try that one day.

[swanask]

Thank you, I hope everything turns out ok for you :)

[Anonymous]

I really like your method. I use to be a writer myself until someone took my diary and I was embarrassed... but I love the fact how it was color coded cus yes we tend to remember the good instead of the reasons why it didn't work out. Will consider writing again. Thanks !

[swanask]

I'm sorry to hear that. A diary is personal and I would be very unhappy with whoever tried to read mine. Please do consider writing again, don't let anyone take that 'me time' away from you. Best of luck - and thank you!

[Anonymous]

I wrote here and there, after breakup, I was so confused, so I went back to my words, and the signs were all over there. I wasn't happy early on, and had been living in my illusion that he will be different. His words didn't match his action.
Still tough to move on, but you are very right, keeping a journal will help to record the moments and help you understand the dynamic better.
Good take!

[lacinovav]

focus on yourself. take time for yourself. try not to involve him in your diary. instead of him, write about yourself, what were you doing that they, where you went, who you met, etc. writing a diary WITHOUT him involved in could actually be really useful.

[JimRSmith]

An interesting idea, and I can see why it would be effective.

[swanask]

Thank you for your input on my Take :)

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a reliable guarding method for women who are usually blinded and emotional when in relationships! I should have done the same so not to waste time even when the intuition is strong.

[swanask]

Thank you for your input. Feel free to write a diary starting today! It can be very helpful in future

[pretty-kitty]

I find it easy to get over heartbreaks, I figure if they weren't the one then it's someone else so I'm not gonna dwell on it. I'm glad you have found something that works for you though.

[Anonymous]

Glad it helped you, however, you must have been at the certain place mentally for you to cut ties with your boyfriend, the dairy was just a crutch, an effective one, but a crutch none the less
If you still truly love someone and aren't ready to let go even though you want to, a catalogue of detachment techniques won't help, you aren't able to do it

[swanask]

I agree. It's not a method that works for everyone but it definitely helped speed up the breakup process for me. Of course during the very early stages of the breakup I couldn't even read through the red because I still loved him. It took time, and it takes time, it really does but it's about finding small things you can do to help

[Opinion Owner]

If it helps it helps. I know the feeling of wanting to be rid of feelings, desperately wanting, and how you're willing to give fucking anything a go if it's going to help but the feelings pass in their own time, if they ever do
They're in control of you, not the other way around, unfortunately

[Anonymous]

i had a diary and wrote everything hurtful too, actually. And whever I thought good about him, i would read the bad. Or look at his insulting texts. But still it hasn't really helped me heal and get over it... No matter what, I feel like I will still remember the good more than the bad. even though there is many... but then, if I ever think about being with him again, I remember the bad/hurtful words he wrote to me... and can't ever get past them. So...

[Anonymous]

i have a diary too. sometimes i read the sad parts and be like "wow he treated me so badly so glad i dumped his ass". but sometimes i happen to see the really great and sweet parts and i just get into tears like, no other guy will ever do something like this for me (trust me he does shit that 95% of the boyfriends won't be motivated enough to do)

[swanask]

That's why you only read the parts in red, if you want to get over him make sure not to read over the good bits, otherwise it'll take much longer and the red writing will seem meaningless

[Jingzhicheng]

I'v remembered someone told me if it was doomed to end in a relationship, so let it ended with the way to be happy that our memories are good , finally.

[jacquesvol]

Interesting.
I got easier over my two last exes: by dating another girl.

[Anonymous]

I keep a diary too of things she says and does so she can't refute it later during a fight. Whenever possible I store photos a video to back up my claims. Diaries rock. Diarrhea not so much.

[Halucinator]

hope you're fine now
good luck for future

[DonkeyRick69]

Lol there's people that mourn lost love for years. If it takes 21 days it wasn't love.

[Staryboy1492]

Thanks, but I didn't keep a diary during the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Documentation is powerful!

[swanask]

I'm glad to hear this!

[ArabianPwincess197]

Interesting Take :)

[swanask]

Thanks :)

[404filenotfound]

Thanks for sharing

[swanask]

You're very welcome :)

[Anonymous]

Thank you for sharing it

[swanask]

No problem :)