My boyfriend wants me to cheat on him, why does he want me too?

[Anonymous]

Hi, so recently my boyfriend has wanted me to cheat on him. This isn't a fantasy of his or something that turns him on, we had a little argument about lack of sex and affection, im a big giver of both, but him on the other hand isn't. He can go weeks without touching me. I did communicate with him about the issue, but have since dropped it. As it won't make me get sex any time soon, so recently my mum had gone away and I've been left to pet sit and look after my pets, he said something about if i have a guy over, he will understand why and what its for and saying that i want sex and need it and he isn't giving it to me and understands if i go and get it off someone else. I haven't even messaged another guy or asked anyone for anything, because i have no intentions on cheating on him. He asked me again was anyone staying, when i said “no”, he didn't seemed convinced. So i went around and took photos of the rooms in my house to prove it. He then replied “cool, i was wondering. I wouldn't care if there was someone there”. He wants me to cheat on him and i told him that im not, but more importantly is i want to know why he wants me too?

Updates

+1 y

He broke up with me because he told me that he doesn't have the time to deal with me or give me attention anymore

[CrossThyStars]

Ai ai aii.

First off, dont cheat on him.

I had a girlfriend who wanted me to do the same thing, and she was also a lot less physical and a lot more distant then I was in the relationship. For her, she could not trust me and felt super insecure that I was going to find someone new, since I was young and inexperien ced.

... maybe you took it better than I did... I got really mad.

He sounds insecure with his side of the relationship, as though he can't trust your loyalty and love for him... and he is internalizing it, which tends to lead to dumb things like "plz cheat".

Bottom line is:
You are the one who decides.

If you love him, make him learn more about you. Be utterly honest with him and let him into your darkest places so he can see you as a woman who belongs to him.

If you dont, then let him go, because he does not yet know you well enough to trust you (or love you).

As for sex, irs perfectly reasonable for his worries to kill off his sex drive, so if he was a horny wolf when you met him, chances are that can come back if you sort things out

[Asker]

Sex was so frequent at the start from him and then all of a sudden stopped. I haven't cheated on him at all and have no intentions on it and keep saying i won't and dont want too. But he just said “you can i dont care”

[CrossThyStars]

... has he cheated on you?
How sudden was the change?
Was it one day suddenly?

[Asker]

I dont know if he has cheated on me, he liked a chick. But when she got back with her ex he didn't like it and he hangs out with another chick plus his ex girlfriend and talks to his ex. Like i asked him may i send him a sexy shower selfie and he didn't want me too, but then went and liked a girls photo on facebook with her tits hanging out. The change was so sudden actually, its been a few weeks since weve had sex and we went from like 3 times a weekend, to once a weekend to nothing.

[CrossThyStars]

You dont know?
I would be going crazy in your shoes...
Confront him maybe?
Ask if you can go through his phone, and give him yours.
Tell him you love him more than life, but the way he has been treating you makes you think he is playing your heart for a drop.

Asking questions is an art.
Not asking questions... you may as well walk away now and save time.

[Asker]

He is staying in a hotel and i did ask him was there someone there, like his ex and he said “omg no” he seemed to have gotten pretty defensive about it, with the phone problem. Mine doesn't have a passcode cause im not hiding anything, he has a passcode on his and has only recently put it on his phone. I know i should be furious about it. But the way his treated me lately, im not to worried if he pisses off. There are plenty of other guys that would be lucky to have me, he doesn't feel so lucky. I think im just here to piss his ex of, but im actually starting to loose interest in him. Its based off the way his treated me in the last week. Its made me feel upset and he told me to get antidepressants

[CrossThyStars]

I would say ultimatum time.
Change some things or you leave... as someone who has been hurt, he should know better.

So no more key on his phone, let you see, and anything else you worry about.

In your shoes, I would be really angry and hurt. Dont bottle up your feelings... he needs to know how bad it is.

[Asker]

Im not angry, im hurt. I've actually felt down for days because i dont feel good enough for him and I've lost my self worth, it got to the point I actually deleted all my photos off facebook. Because i feel ugly and feel like his ashamed of me, my anger i took out on call of duty. Because i dont want to take it out on him and feel terrible at the end, i get guilty when i do. I even felt guilty when i told him that i wanted more affection, thats why i dropped asking for it

[CrossThyStars]

Sigh... the penny drops...
You love him...

I would still challenge him with an ultimatum, and hide no feelings, because regardless of how you feel now, if he has another girl, you are going to be broken much worse later on than now.

I am sorry... a lot of guys are arseholes.

[CrossThyStars]

I hope you are ok...
And I hope you dont think its about you, since he seems to have made it impossible for you to do anything.

I wish you someone better in the near future.

[Asker]

He just said “i dont know what i want anymore. Like i dont have the time to give you attention anymore and i can't deal with you and your problems right now” It after i told him a family member of mine has cancer and just needed someone to talk to. Its alright

[CrossThyStars]

Aahhhoouucchh.
Girl you dodged a bullet.
That sounds like classic sociopath

[Asker]

His got my tattoo kit and i need it back, I've begged for it back and he won't give it to me. I might have training for tattooing soon at a parlour. He said “i will let you know where and when you can get it”

[CrossThyStars]

Tell him you are going to head there to get it.
Does he live alone?

[Asker]

He is in a motel with his kid, his ex has been going to him for the last few days. It explains why everytime I've asked to come over he declines me, but my kit is at his fathers. I was going to get in contact with his father and ask can i get it from his place. But the ex has told me that his father will get annoyed if i go there without him, i really need my stuff for work related reasons or possible training related

[CrossThyStars]

Get in contact with the father.
Of course the ex would say that...

[Asker]

He did this before, the first time he broke up with me was over text and he didn't want to see me in person. He got the second chance i think he didn't deserve

[dongoff]

Are you certain this isn't some sort of "cuckold" fantasy/fetish of his? How old are you guys and how long have you been together?

[Asker]

This isn't a fantasy of his, he said to me that he is used to people cheating on him.. like i am too, all my exs cheated on me too. But i have no intentions on it. But he wants me too, i am 21 and he is 23 and we have been together for 3 months. I still have no intentions of cheating on him though, but he really wants me too. I can guarantee its not a fetish or a turn on

[dongoff]

Well you guys are both too young and your relationship is too new for him to not be interested in sex. Maybe he is struggling with his sexuality?

[Asker]

He was when we first met, but then it all stopped and he all of a sudden put other things first and me last. Considering I've done a lot for him that evolves money and even though his never brought me gifts ever, i dont want materialistic things, just affection and i dont get it. But i still have no intentions on cheating

[dongoff]

I have also been cheated on by my last ex, but I can't imagine wanting that of my next relationship unless I was somehow trying to fetishize that early traumatic experience, so it's a turn on and not a source of pain

[dongoff]

Maybe you should consider breaking it off, if you're not getting affection in return. Unless you love him of course. What does he say when you ask him about it?

[Asker]

I just dont get why he wants me to cheat, when i mentioned that he seemed to have been pretty upset about wanting me to he said “nah im not”. He wouldn't be guilty of cheating on me and wants me to cheat on him to relieve his guilt? Cause thats what im starting to think

[Asker]

When I've asked for it, he just said that he doesn't want to and im pressuring him and then goes back to wanting me to get it off other people

[SongBird3]

Well I guess he was basically asking for an open relationship because he knows you’re probably not happy. But it’s good that he broke up with you because now you can go find someone better

[Asker]

He messaged me a few nights ago, because his friend called him a bastard and my family could tell he was using me and he messaged me calling me for everything even a “cum rag”. I had to laugh at him, because him jobless and homeless with his child and wants to beat up a 70 year old man. The guy was fucked in the head and it took me until the break up to realise it, even one of his junkie friends went and told everyone i wanted to stab him cause i wanted sex with him, i never met the guy nor eveer had sex with him. But him and all of his friends are on ice and god knows what else

[SongBird3]

Jesus... im happy ur out of that shit. AND he has a kid?

[Asker]

To his ex, his only about 7 months old and him being homeless has put his child in homelessness too, i feel bad dor the child and i want to ring protection services on him

[SongBird3]

Call cps! The guys a fucking loser and doesn’t deserve kids

[Asker]

Both of the parents are losers, the mother of the child doesn't want him. Because if she did she wouldn't have a social life or be able to put her leg up for guys and the father is homeless which has put the child in homelessness too, his jobless and is on drugs

[SongBird3]

Call CPS!!!

[grega239]

Bcs he's a low t cuck

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has really poor self esteem?

[billyboy000000]

I have a cock you can suck