Search Results: admits he loves me

My long term guy continues to block me on things whenever we have a fight. He is rude to me whenever he feels I am giving him my lip on being gaslighted on some things when I feel things are off. I admit to being no angel myself. I harp on the past. He loves me but is unsure of the future in where it will take us because he is no planner and gets pessimistic because he has been disappointed before many times in his life. What should I do?

Growing up, my father was very neglectful and cold, and whenever he did decide to pay attention to me, he would terrorize me. When my mother would go to work and left me at home with him, I was never fed, bathed, or shown affection. If I tried to get him to notice me, he would scream at me to “Go away!” or “Leave me alone!” I would tell my mother all the time what he would do, and she never did anything about it and still stayed with him, no matter what. Mind you, I was 4-6 years old when I had to endure this bullshit. At an age I couldn’t take care of my own needs. Also, this is all just a small portion of what he did.

As I got older into my teenage years from the age of 9, things have changed, but he kept his neglectful ways. My mother was still with him, and she would always say “I know he doesn’t show it, but he does love you.” She just didn’t want to leave because, yet again, she was dependent. I will admit that I had a terrible attitude, but it was mostly because I hated my family. I still do. I hated the fact that I had to fucking deal with a father who didn’t give one single shit about me or well-being, and a passive aggressive mother who let him do whatever he pleased. He would drink beer every fucking day, and whenever he got drunk, he acted like an intolerable, blunt asshole who would mock and make fun of me for everything. I was sick and fucking tired of it. Seriously.

Okay, GAG, what do you think that I should do?