Should I marry a man who I don't have "romantic " feelings for?

[shaysh87]

People seem to over obsess over passion or romantic feelings for someone. But the reality is, the person who may "excite " you, may not necessarily be the person that you want to marry. I'm 26 and over the course of my dating years, I have found that while I have fallen head over heels for men who are charismatic, funny , interesting, fun. A lot of these men also tend to have serious flaws such as victim playing, cannot admit it when they are wrong, play the blame game, extremely insecure / egotistical, sneaky or deceiving These men are just not the types that I would be compatible with. I just know that it'll just be a very turbulent marriage.

Meanwhile there are a lot of "boring" guys with no charisma, no spark, nothing interesting to them who have good characters, make great lovers. Loving caring faithful family men but just BORING. Its rare to bump into a genuinely funny charismatic man. And if he is funny / charismatic, its usually an old guy that is far out of my age range.

Its just so hard to come across someone who has both personality and also good character (no serious flaws). I began questioning if I should just settle for someone who is boring but will make a great husband and lover. Even though he may not excite passionate romantic feelings in me , I can still love him because he's just so sweet and caring.

I've heard many people on here say that strong passionate feelings during the first 5 years is just infatuation , not love. The excitement goes away eventually.

Updates

+1 y

I really don't have until I'm 46 to start a family. I don't have unlimited time in life.

[Anonymous]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
FUCK NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

[exitseven]

You are looking for a guy that will love you and take care of you that will also excite you. You need to define what charisma is. Is it an intangible that had been built up in your mind?
hard working, level headed guys are not boring, they are just dependable.

[shaysh87]

Boring guys tend to be more faithful and dependable.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[Anonymous]

Should you marry someone to whom you have no romantic attraction for? The answer is no. Like most people in this case, overtime you will develop affection for them but all your life you will feel unloved in some kind of ways, if that person doesn't love you back as well. Both of you will cause just more pain to each other. My point of view

[Opinion Owner]

*just cause

[shaysh87]

you don't understand what I am saying. WE WILL LOVE EACH OTHER. We will cuddle, have sex, care for each other, we do like each other. But its just that we aren't "crazy" for each other. Or there isn't a sizzling romantic passion. I do like him enough to the extent where I do adore him and care for him.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe we don't have the same notion of what love is, so now I don't know what to reply. Only a real life experience can show us if what you are thinking does work

[shaysh87]

love is about caring for each other. Just because someone excites you and give you the best time of your life, it doesn't necessarily mean you care for them.

[Opinion Owner]

Both of your statements are true 🤷

[shaysh87]

im just really confused right now. because honestly, time is not unlimited. I don't have until 'm 46 or 50 to start a family.

[shaysh87]

many people like to talk about the ideal life such as marrying your soulmate who is perfect in terms of personality, character. but often times life doesn't work out that way. The person who makes you laugh may not necessarily be someone that you're compatible to be married to. Of course I'd love to marry someone who is charismatic and funny but if he doesn't fit into all the character requirements, then it just won't work.

[Opinion Owner]

It would be awesome if a lot of people do find their soulmates

[Avicenna]

I disagree- you should not marry someone you have no romantic feelings for. Marriage is too intimate not to marry the right person. You are correct that there is much more to it than romance.

[shaysh87]

you don't understand what I am saying. WE WILL LOVE EACH OTHER. We will cuddle, have sex, care for each other, we do like each other. But its just that we aren't "crazy" for each other. Or there isn't a sizzling romantic passion. I do like him enough to the extent where I do adore him and care for him.

[shaysh87]

many people like to talk about the ideal life such as marrying your soulmate who is perfect in terms of personality, character. but often times life doesn't work out that way. The person who makes you laugh may not necessarily be someone that you're compatible to be married to. Of course I'd love to marry someone who is charismatic and funny but if he doesn't fit into all the character requirements, then it just won't work.

[Yourfriend2021]

It takes time for love to develop , it could happen with anyone, you can't have a strict list, but if there's no romance, it could fall apart in time.

[shaysh87]

Half of all romance marriages end in divorce anyways. It’ll fall apart with romance or not

[Yourfriend2021]

Just find someone that cares about you. You don't have to get married.

[shaysh87]

i want to get married. I want someone to be there for me that I can rely on forever. Romance is nothing if it only lasts 10 years.

[Yourfriend2021]

2 people have to work together in a relationship. I understand how you feel.

[shaysh87]

romance marriages do not work. Half of all marriages end in divorce.
so why not just settle for someone less but steady?

I want to get married because I want security, financial stability, having someone that I can trust and rely on, someone who will always have my back, someone who I can lean on during my most difficult times in life, someone who can show affection to me when I need it the most, someone to keep me from being lonely.

Because reality is, the older you are, the lonelier you tend to get. Your siblings get married and develop families of their own. All your buddies put their wives/ kids as first priority over you. Your parents will likely be DEAD. Everyone else has someone treating them as first priority, who treats YOU as first priority? nobody! nobody cares about you.

if i break my leg and can't work, i can be sure that there will be someone who will cook and clean for me and pay my rent. this is the security I am talking about. It makes me feel safe that I will be ok.

Romance really isn't everything.

[Yourfriend2021]

I told you, I understand how you feel.

[Manchild2018]

Just prepare for the day when you chest on him because you will.

[TheAfrikan]

You better walk away from him.

[Iron_Man]

No of course not

[ashish804]

preferably no