Search Results: mental illness

I've been suffering symptoms of Schizophrenia and Depression for years now and I'm going to have to seek help soon. Lately when I'm walking to the gym a 4:30 in the morning when nobody was around I would hear a second set of footsteps, I would stop, listen and look around to see nobody in sight, ahead of me in the distance I would see people running across the street and disappear, I would have the feeling of being followed and would want to run, I just kept telling myself to keep it together and they're not real, but this is minuscule compered to when the active phase is in full swing. My speech and thoughts have been getting disorganized, yesterday I found myself laying on my hard wood floor murmuring gibberish to myself.

My last active phase was in October and November of last year and during that time I heard voices bullying me and telling me to do horrible things to myself and others, I would also hear gunshots, bangs, screams and other loud noises that had me going downstairs and ask my parents if they hear it just for them to say that they didn't hear anything. I also remember seeing the hallucinations I'm seeing right now, scariest one was seeing a dozen heads peeking through the wooded area by my gym like they were spying on me. I had the delusion that the government kidnapped my cat and replaced him with a robot to spy on me and I ended up kicking my cat out of my room for a week. That was scary and I barely left my house for the entire 2 months it went on.

I'm afraid that the psychiatrist is going to accuse me of "faking it." I've tried to talk to my mom about it a couple times but she always would beat me down even more. I'd hate to seek professional help for them to do the same thing. I more of an effort to hide my illness than to express it. I don't like talking about it nor do I brag about it like those teenagers who think they're "mental" just because they dye their hair and pierce their nose.

PLEASE HELP

Maybe something happened in their past
Maybe he/she suffers from mental illness

Someone who needs love the most

Watching a bit from Robin Williams made me think of this question. I know that depression itself didn't contribute to his suicide, but it's still a good talking point.

I feel like my whole life was lived wearing a mask. I suffer from mental disorder that makes me lose control over my emotions. When I'm around other people I tend to basically put up an act and try to be happy. I try to help others feel better when they're having a bad day, like when my mother has had a rough day I'd show her a funny video I found or tell her a funny joke, but when I'm alone in my room I sometime cry and beat myself up. I just don't want others to feel depressed and/or angry because I know how much it sucks. Another reason I hide these emotions is because when I was a kid my mother would yell and berate me if I'm having negative emotions, and she still do this, so I usually feel like I'm not allowed to be sad or angry. I'm still learning how to be in tune with my real emotions.