Search Results: family background

Many times I have been negatively criticized (by other women from a similar background to mine) for not dressing very "modestly". They get upset because I am not walking around with a long dress that drags and a headscarf covering my head. They get mad because I wear shorts, or because I wear skirts that are up to my knees or because I show my shoulders and sometimes show some cleavage. Don't get me wrong, I was raised in a moderate conservative family (Lebanese/Emirati) but that doesn't mean I am going to be forced to wear what I don't want to just because other non relatives get upset for what I wear.

BACKGROUND:
No one except my immediate family and best friend knows that I have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). It's something I'm really embarrassed about and have been dealing with since my early teens, privately. It's not social anxiety, so I get "triggered" over the most random things and thus is hard to avoid. Also, it comes and goes so I do well for a couple months till it goes bad again.

There's not many people out there I trust. In fact, I've never even told about it to people I had been dating. Unfortunately it always led to me not want to explain certain things, and them thinking I'm insane for reacting a certain way or not wanting to talk about certain (very simple) things.

MY ACTUAL QUESTION:
There's this guy friend of mine who I do trust immensely and I tell him a lot. We talk often and he's in love with me. We end up getting on stupid fights that many times I'm aware only happen or get bad because of how anxious (and therefore defensive and offensive to protect myself) I get. Last night I questioned him for saying something really sexual, and when he asked me if he wanted me to stop and if so why am I jealous of other girls, I ended up hyperventilating a lot and not making any sense. Then he got upset at me for just saying "bye" instead of a 'better' goodnight and I flipped so bad I left my phone and him talking to himself. I regret it immensely, I know I was irrational. But at times like that I literally can't bring myself to think properly and not freak out over nonsense.

I really wanna tell him, but I'm not really sure how to go about it. I'm a pretty down to Earth person normally and I don't want this to be a big deal and for him to look at me differently. If he were to walk on eggshells because of this I'd be devastated. I also don't want him to think I'm only telling him this to excuse some of my behavior. But at the same time, if we were to get in a relationship it's better if he knew? I don't know. What are your thoughts?
(sorry for the essay)