Search Results: changing my look

It's impossible to forget them once you have grasped. But i heard about them MORE than a 100 times. And still kept forgetting.

No cognitive issues. But it was a defense mechanism. There is no way that to study it as extensively as i did and keep forgetting it is just a coincidence with me also fearing to be changed. Wanting to be changed but there is a huge reason why i became this way, to survive.

Both of my clinger-pusher parents are fearful-avoidant because of their pretty bad traumas growing up, till this day they get scared when complimented, for example.

And i learnt that the most widespread recommendations are very harmful, like; "it's no use overthinking" or "love your parents" These spoken excuses always push the anxiety further down so tightly it overflows out as irrationality.

i rarely see my parents and when i do i cannot bring myself to tell them:

Forgiving should come naturally, not through ideology. Just like breathwork never worked for me until opening up my emotions triggered the breathing changes naturally. It is ok to look like you're possesed for days while pouring out the repressed anxiety.

They still press it down with either "we blamed them, they wronged us, now forgive and move on" (my dad) or "they suck, let's revenge forever" (my mom).

Last time i told mom "i have had this bad habit forever, it is finally going away!" she rudely acknowledged and dismissed it in one same sentence.

I think everyone who refuses to investigate this topic and to persist until trauma psychology becomes as clear as adding 1+1, is afraid of finding out they have issues - even if they know they do - because we developed our issues as a means to survive. letting go of daddy issues frightens us to death, it has been our survival strategy.

The tragedy is that 40% of all adults have UNRESOLVED infancy anxiety issues and seek relationships to cope with them instead of fixing their body's repressed panic.

As someone who been into the arts for a very long time, watching art sites that are still active, and looking at art trend, from 90s to today, I notice a slow shift toward diverse representation of what is beautiful, and appealing. Previously, there were idea that really thin ladies are attractive, but now that's not as popular as women who are of normal weight. For most of 90s and 2000s, what is dominant is the representation of white women to symbolize beauty, but that's changing toward more inclusive and diverse representation as in non-white people are beautiful, and even men's bodies are more out there too. So, I can see 2030s and beyond becoming the era of diversity in arts after a massive cultural shift happens.

Personally, I find every demographics beautiful, in and out visually, and I'm an asexual heteroromantic man. But, I do wonder how far are we when it comes to appreciation of beauty in both men and women, and in ethnicity. I don't think appreciation of beauty in bodies (clothed or not) has to do with either romanticism or sexuality, and that's not the case with me.

Initially I ticked all her boxes that she was looking for in a guy. She recognised I’m a nice guy, kind, sensitive and gentle. We had a good connection. I was consistent and attentive towards her, emotionally available. Made tule to see her a couple times a week.

I am also a rare find and from a very good background

Reasons she left:

She thought I was a player and cagey with my phone and untrustworthy. I was cagey as it is personal, but always reassured her and I think I showed her my phone/messages like 3 times.

I didn’t make her feel special - because I did 50/50 when I earn more than her and come from money. I have only been working for a year. I didn’t buy her flowers, I did for Valentine’s Day and bought her a plant in the early stages.

Didn’t like how I was consulting family members at the end about the relationship

I didn’t lead sometimes and did make her switch her brain off. She has a point when we went on a weekend she planned it. But she also tells me she’s not a passive person as she’s a professional.

I feel hurt. It was my first relationship. If I could go back there’s not a lot I would change just cherish her more? I didn’t make any fundamental errors, obviously times where I could’ve been nicer. There was on time I shut her down a bit because she didn’t want to move in with my family.