Search Results: he has second thoughts on our relationship

We were wrestling/fighting as usual. Just being funny but slightly serious. When we wrestle he sometimes pins me in very compromising positions or say things like "why don't you just submit?" or "you like to struggle don't you.. Huh?". Never thought much of it as we were just being playful. The other night we were wrestling bc of some petty argument lol don't remember. Note: He is 6'1 about 180lbs, Im 5'4 and 130lbs. He's super strong and I found out to free myself I could just go for his butt lol or butthole lmao and he just jumps and clenches up real quick, letting me go. I've been using this tactic for a while. Back to the other night, at one point of tbe wrestling he goes "im going to rape you one day"? We were playing so I laughed it off and said he wouldn't and he says that I didn't know that... Now thinking about it this wouldn't be the first time he had said something similar. We have been dating for 1.5 years. The first time we had sex (my first time) and i remember it being rapey (its a long story, message me if you want to know about it). I didn't know how to feel about that so I kinda blocked it. I remember how the other day he got turned on when he found me quietly crying when we were cuddled up. I have asked him if he has rape fantasy and he said no but he found it hot if I cried asking him to stop? I don't know if he still thinks so bc that was a fee months ago.

He is a bit of a psycho but I don't see him hurting me like that. He tells me that im his life and that I mean the world to him. He worries about my safety and is very protective. Given what we both went through and how our lives crossed twice. He believes I saved him. Hoping it's a bad joke and that im not thinking way too much into this. He's 19 im 20. My second first serious relationship.

You'd think in your mid to late 20s you could tell if someone is into you...

We see each other regularly regardless because we have class together 4 days a week, but we also hangout outside of class. We go out for coffee, tea, and food, before and/or after class often. We pretty much are always alone together. Sometimes we hangout in a small group of friends. We've spent 10 hours straight together, seen each other every day for weeks, stayed out until 2am together, etc.

He has brought me things that he cooked so I can taste them, and he hasn't really offered to bring things for others, but I'm also always showing interest in what he makes. When I was sick he visited me every day for 7 days straight, and on some of those days he would leave and come back a second time. He brought me food and drinks when I was sick also.

However, he also has opened up a lot and shared a lot with me, which is great. The thing is he used to tell me a lot about this girl he liked. He didn't think she was really right for him. He wasn't sure. He wanted to figure it out and they were friends, but she blew him off and he says he's over it now. They're not friends anymore... but he says she's the only girl he's ever had feelings for, and he thought he needed a relationship and now he doesn't feel that way. He's also made a couple semi random comments about girls being 4 or more years older than a guy and dating. He feels it's weird. I'm more than 4 years older. I said I think it's fine when you're both adults, and he kind of backed up saying he's the last person to really care about age, but it's still kind of weird. Confusing...

So, I feel like he just really cares about me as his friend... even though everyone thinks "so are you two official yet or not because seriously you're always together." Many of my friends want us to date. Some of our mutual friends don't care but think we need to decide already... but he seems to be oblivious to it all...

I know it's a long story... thoughts?