What It's Like to Be an Ambivert

[amarahorrorstory]

I feel like a lot of introverts think they have it bad or others see it that way. Or that extroverts aren't allowed to be anything but outgoing. Some people fall right into the middle and get a slice of both sides. I am one of these people. An ambivert, or an extroverted introvert.

Social Butterfly

When I was a kid, I was the definition of outgoing. My teachers actually wrote "social butterfly" on my report cards. At the young age of 3, I could make a new friend in under five minutes at the park. I had a gift for making friends. I actually would come up to my mother and ask her to write down other children's phone numbers so I could call them when I got home.

Of course, I had shy moments like every child but overall, I really enjoyed company.

My Drastic Change

Middle school was hard for everyone. My sister and I had such a hard time in middle school (we are 3 1/2 years apart, we both just had a horrible time), my mother contemplated moving us to a private school. I don't know what that would have done but we just hated the change so much that I remember it causing us a lot of anxiety. I had been diagnosed with ADHD by this time which explained my social butterfly comments but less than satisfactory grades. I began taking prescription medication for my ADHD but it took an even harder toll on my personality.

Unfortunately, I became less and less social, partially due to medicine, partially due to just environmental changes. I hardly ever talked and making friends was not something I was good at. I didn't care for going anywhere, especially when I could go online or watch TV at home. I didn't care for people as much as I did being by myself.

I was constantly asked if I was okay, why was I sad, do I know how to talk. I couldn't even convince people that I used to be outgoing. This went on into high school, but, I was no longer comfortable being shy, because I knew that wasn't who I was supposed to be.

Meeting in the Middle

Around sophomore year, I threw in the towel with my meds. I wasn't myself on them, I had way too many side effects, and I just hated the responsibility. I had made friends with a new girl, and she had become rather popular. I get invited to lots of activities and I remember being shocked that some kids actually hung out outside of school. I thought that wasn't like a legit pastime. Anyway, overtime, I found myself feeling more like how I was when I was younger. I liked meeting new people and waking up and having someone to see. I stopped being okay with sitting in at home every night. I liked that people actually noticed things about me other than whether or not I give eye contact (surprise, I still don't but you get the point).

What I Learned

Introvert and Extrovert are broad terms. People are individuals. Not everyone has the same experience, these are PERSONAL to me, so if you disagree, that's valid.

Being introverted is not bad

Some people look at being introverted as a bad thing, even some introverts themselves (I'll come back to that). People associate being introverted with being shy, lonely, arrogant, cold, unfriendly. Sometimes, that's true, but for many, maybe even most it's not.

Introverts enjoy and desire alone time. They cherish the time when people aren't there to bother them and they can be with their thoughts. But, that's perceived as loneliness, do introverts get lonely? Of course, everyone does sometimes, but assuming that introverts are sad, is just plain wrong. Some introverts aren't even shy, they just don't always have a bunch to say, don't assume they're uncomfortable or feel intimidated.

Being an extrovert does not solve all social problems

I still lean towards being a extrovert but one thing I wish people understood is that just because someone is outgoing DOES NOT mean, they never feel shy or scared to talk to people. An introvert might meet someone new and only say a few words, an extrovert might meet someone AND SAY EVERYTHING THEY THINK OF, why? Because they're nervous! Being extroverted does not rid you of being socially anxious, it doesn't mean that you can jump on a table and start a song and dance number. Sometimes we just like to be around people and chat. They aren't invincible. Not to mention, I bet FOMO and becoming stir-crazy isn't as big of a deal for others.

Being introverted doesn't mean you aren't nice or are boring

I think a lot of people think that silence or few words is a sign that a person is cold. They aren't talking to me, they don't like me, okay, that's settled. You ever consider that someone doesn't always have something to say? But you can't blame people, you're going to feel rejected when you try to start a conversation and they're showing signs that they'd prefer if you didn't. This really is no one's fault. You can't blame an introvert for being introverted, they don't always show immediate signs of being interested, even if they're enjoying the conversation. No one's fault. It's just a flaw in communication. But unless someone tells you to go away, keep talking.

Extroverts are complex, too.

A lot of people feel like they need to say things to make others feel better about themselves. So the idea is pushed that outgoing people are simpler than introverts. They don't have a head full of thought, they aren't creative, they don't have the same level of intelligence as introverts and damn it, that just isn't true. People are so complex, and a person cannot be simplified down between two or three factors.

"Introverts are undesirable"

I wrote a take on why I personally don't think shy men are for ME. Of course, you can't put ANYTHING on GAG without stepping on some toes but a lot of readers perceived it as me saying "introverts aren't good enough for me", when in reality, I said "I'm not good at dating shy people, because its awkward for both of us." but a lot of people hinted that it was very personal for them. People who are introverted often think that no one likes them because of it (although, based off of some of the personality traits of so-called introverts on here, I'm going to say being shy is the LEAST of their issues). But what I don't think people realize is that a lot of people, including extroverts, find the calmness of a introvert intriguing. It's nice to see someone with composure, even if they're shaking on the inside. People who hang back or keep to themselves tend to have a mystery about them. I think that's something worth-nothing

"People only like extroverts"

This kind of goes with people believing that being extroverted solves every social issue. Some people just can't stand outgoing people. Attention in a room is almost always on someone who is more out there, and the second that stops, someone will barge in and redirect it. People don't trust extroverts. We talk more, so we might TELL more, which isn't necessarily true. We go out more, so we cause more trouble. But, I won't lie there is some truth to it. It gets old to be around someone who knows everyone and something about everyone and always wants to know a little TOO much about you.

No one cares which one you are

After being classified as introverted, extroverted and an ambivert I'm sure of one thing, NO ONE CARES. A lot of introverts think that extroverts want them to join them in being outgoing, no, that's our thing, if you like to being introverted, be introverted. But being introverted I learned that it doesn't have to be a battle, it's no one's fault for how you feel about being introverted. If you don't like being introverted, don't blame anyone else. No one made you go out, just like random extroverts don't burst into your bedroom, you're in their territory, they're just being themselves by being friendly. Extroverts, just because you like to talk does not make you interesting or entertaining, sometimes you are quite literally just annoying. If no one is laughing, maybe read the room.

What It Feels Like to Be Both

I can't lie, I feel like I got a pretty sweet deal. Note, this is just MY personal experience as an ambivert, as are my experiences as an introvert and extrovert, if you don't relate keep in mind that many other factors exist in human beings. My statements don't exist to discredit your experience, nor should yours invalidate mine. I like meeting new people, and I like to be out. I can't STAND to stay home every night of the week knowing there is something, somewhere, to do. Even if I just ride around in a car and sing with a friend, it was still an experience that allowed me to be around people. But, I get tired of it, and like all humans I want to be left alone for a bit. It doesn't mean guys automatically like me more, at all. If anything, I feel uncomfortable because I think I'm overwhelming, which is embarrassing. Ambiverts feels like exactly what it sounds like. You're in the middle. I'm selective with who I talk to, and when I want to talk, some days I feel more introverted, some day I'm feeling really out there. No person is the same, but this has been my personal experience.

[BaileyisDarcy]

I can't spend days upon days on my own which is why a lot of my "mental anguish" for lack of a better term has all but stopped since getting a job.

But i can't have too much social time either. 4 or more days a week, 4 hours a day im at work. Thats my social time. Talking to coworkers, laughing with residents, (being asked what its like hiding behind my mothers skirt. That dementia ward can be a battle some days, but its still my favourite ward)
Its my typical social time.
When im not working im at home. Im on the internet or im crocheting, or im painting... Im alone. Not lonely, just by myself.

Once a week i have a full night of socialising. From midday to midnight, and at the end im exhausted and not just because its late.

I can't spend too much time on my own or my anxiety will begin to rear its ugly head. But too much time with other people and it will only be worse.

People think im extroverted because when I AM socialising im like a light. Smiling, laughing, starting sing alongs. But im happiest when there's noone around. I can hum, bounce, be a little ball of energy and do my hobbies with nobody around to drain my energy or judge me. Or for me to hurt or offend with no idea how, or how to fix it.

[gobsmacked3]

As a teacher of over 25 years experience. My first impression of you is that you are gifted. I think it is obvious this was not identified. Hence, you were not adequately schooled to bring to fruition your obvious gifts. You need to be challenged to be fully engaged to excel. The main fall down of education is underpinning the ethos of 'education for all' by integrating special needs and more challenging kids into it. The irony is the needs of more gifted kids are overlooked. In the knowledge that they will get by. Which allows more attention to be shown on others

I think this was your reality

[amarahorrorstory]

Yeah, I never did well in school, I just never enjoyed the environment and while smart, I wasn't a good student. I was kinda one of those kids that was help back because people thought I didn't understand the material, in reality, I just had a hard time showing what I had learned. But thank you for your kind words.

[Dog19]

In grade school, I had so many friends. I used to go to a play area and I always had friends, at school I had a small group of friends, my birthday parties? My whole class came. Now at 18, I have barely any friends, no boyfriend, I basically have no social life. I lost all my high school friends but most of them choose not to talk to me. Most of the time I'm lucky to get a email saying hi from people but even that's really rare. People know my writing but don't know who I am. I'm almost like a shadow person.

[NewYear-NewMe]

I used to an extrovert but I had a drastic change 2 years ago. I became more mature and self-aware because of it. But sometimes I wish I was different. I have a good number of friends, about 10 I'd say, but no relationship. I may sound bitter here but I feel like girls don't want an extrovert because he is likely to be willing to initiate almost everything which some expect. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong here, with some sound evidence.

[amarahorrorstory]

I don't know, I think everyone is free to like who they want for their own reasons. I like other ambivert and outgoing guys the most but because the way opposites work I do well introverts sometimes. But I can't be with someone who is very introverted, it's kind of lonely.

[NewYear-NewMe]

I can’t date a girl who is shy because the conversation would go nowhere

[jaydtre]

I consider myself introverted until the past two years, I now relate more to being an ambivert. I was very shy and had very little to say in my early years but as I got older I wanted to venture out more and eventually had more things to say. I always had friends but if I wasn’t with them I was at home, now I can’t stand being home and not being around people.

[amarahorrorstory]

Me too, I don't know how I used to do it, I get so antsy sitting alone. But I don't miss feeling fully extroverted because it's so lonely when you aren't around people enough and most people don't understand that urge.

[jaydtre]

Yeah I get really antsy when people have other plans or I head into the weekend with nothing planned myself. I hate the stigma that comes with introversion and how even to this day some people still associate that with me. I do feel energized when I’m around people and I don’t feel the need to recharge after being around them. Yes I’m somewhat quite around new people but that’s because I might not know what to talk to them about, not necessarily because I’m shy or reserved.

[BruceJender]

I'm probably an ambivert, but lean more to the introvert.

I like meeting people, talking to them, but I far more enjoy my space and personal freedom when I can.

People tell me I'm very "laidback", "warm" and "intelligent" (not in the bookish sense).

[edwardhiedler]

I don't know, but that photo gave me cancer. I am fed up with 'diversity' being forced upon white people. I don't hate others, but I am white, I have my white homeland, and I want to keep it white, just as everyone else in the world takes it for granted that they can preserve their people and culture.

[amarahorrorstory]

Well, I'm black, sorry for posting someone who looks like me? Take that shit somewhere else. I like in the U. S. which has never ever been a white country so you can get lost.

[edwardhiedler]

It was always a white country. As blacks like to point out, they were slaves. They didn't create the country, its institutions or culture. White people did And blacks were always a small minority.

[amarahorrorstory]

Ever heard of Native Americans? Slaves built America and you know it. You're just on here to troll with your racist bullshit.

[jaydtre]

White people dont originate from the Americas, your “homeland” is somewhere across the pond. Europeans forced diversity or if you wanna put it more bluntly genocide against the Natives. Your little fantasy about having your own little White Utopia will never exist, embrace the reality that the world doesn’t revolve around you. If your ancestors or anyone who thought like you cared so much about self preservation they would’ve stayed their asses where they were and not interact with other people.

[amarahorrorstory]

@jaydtre thank you

[1derfulguy]

You do realise there are people that make up these terms, right? Like, you don't have to define yourself in terms of three categories of behaviour, just because some smartass psychologist's pet theory.

[amarahorrorstory]

lol, that's why i said this was personal.

[MelaninDoll]

I'm an introvert.

[fredrick89]

Nice