I'm going to start off by saying that I have nothing against shy guys and this is just why I don't think they work for me. This isn't anti-introvert. Just why I think I don't work well with them, don't make this out to be something it's not.
I'm an outgoing girl (However, many people I know consider me an extroverted introvert/ambivert). It's just natural to me. I talk a lot...too much. I'm constantly told to keep it down, I'm working on it but in my head I don't sound that loud. I talk really fast, too fast. I just overall have boisterous voice.
A lot of people connect these traits with airheadedness, being mean or annoying. I would say I'm ditzy, but far from stupid, some would call me witty even. I just let a lot of things go over my head. This partially due to the fact that I've got ADHD and paying attention is just not my forte.There is always something wrong with being outgoing. We are attention whores, we aren't allowed to by shy ever (surprise, I get nervous talking to people too), we are annoying, yada yada yada, I've heard it before. However, for the most part I feel appreciated.
I went through a phase where I was really quiet, and unhappy. I seldom talked and if I did you could hardly hear me. This was just due to anxiety and being medicated so for a couple years, because of this, people who didn't know me well assumed that I was very shy. WRONG. It was in those early years of high school so no one really got to know me until later when I ditched the meds. People would always say "I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE SHY, I had no idea you were this crazy." and it always frustrated me because I felt like I would have made more friends if it weren't for that. But there is always the future, but I also noticed as I got more outgoing, I made more friends and attracted more guys (a lot of which I didn't know about but I'll save that for another take).I think now I COME OFF as intimidating, I'm not at all but I think that first minute or two would give people that impression. I always thought boys would never ever like me, but in reality, they just thought I was quiet and didn't want to bothered (I also was a ugly, pubescent monster, so there's that). Spoiler: Having chronic bitch face didn't help.
I've been into shy guys a few times. I've talked to them and just about every time, they don't know how to react, being straight up and saying "Hey, I really like you", just hasn't worked for me. Obviously, that's not true for all shy guys, many of them would handle this just fine. I just get nervous cause I don't want to seem pushy. I always seem pushy, even just with everyday people, no matter what I do.
But that's the problem, shy guys don't usually talk much. They're introverted and don't have much to say. I ask questions and they usually give really tame answers. I get nervous because if I talk too much I think I'm being annoying or I'm making them mad. I talk so much, and introverts hardly talk at all. The same way some introverts get uncomfortable around a lot of communication and chit chat, a lot of extroverts get uncomfortable around a lot of silence (but don't we all?).
But my failures aren't the only reason I feel like shy guys don't like me. Oh, there's more. There's more. I'll ask how how a guy is doing, he will give a really simple answer, and I'll ask something else about him. A simple answer. I'll ask if everything is all right, he will says he's fine. And I'm sitting inside thinking "Oh, great, he think I'm weird."
I like talking about myself, there is no topic I know better than me so I don't mind talking about myself. I like to be understood. Nobody has to like me, just understand what my deal is. I don't mind listening to others, I don't mind at all, in fact I like to hear people's interests and keep them locked away in my head.
I think it's hard to be a loud, and chatty girl and not come off as a crazy person. People always think I'm on some sort of substance or drunk. I'm not, I'm just in a good mood, hell, even if I'm in a bad mood.
I think this just makes people like me hard to read. It isn't shy guys' faults at all. Just like they're really shy, they can't force themselves to be outgoing, I can't tame myself down. We just wouldn't be being ourselves. Introverts get quiet when faced with conversation, and I can't stop, my mind just goes and I can't stop talking, which is kind of embarrassing.
People always seem scared, intimidated or weirded out by me, when I'm just being friendly. I really like introverts, I find their calm personalities soothing, but I just feel like I give them stress if I'm honest with you. I'm social, I just like to see people, even if I don't know them, but a lot of people would much rather sit along all by themselves around no one at all. Of course, I have times where I want privacy too.
I don't know if that's true, feel free to give your feelings towards outgoing people.
I can get bored. I dated an introvert and he was completely fine with just sitting on his bed for like 4 hours, WHICH WAS BEYOND BORING, because I did all the talking too. Our first date I felt like he just stared straight ahead and was trying to tune me out or something. Back to that guy I confessed my love to, he was so calm about everything, even his passions, he just seemed quiet. He would say how much he loved things and you almost didn't believe him, but this is coming from someone who feels the urge to stand up when ever they remember something they have to talk about. No, introverts aren't boring, not at all, but many of them are just fine sitting alone or at home watching a movie or reading a book. I would much rather go somewhere with people. but I find them difficult to communicate with sometimes.
When I say a like outgoing guys, it really sets some people off. They assume I want some tough jerk who like gives nerds wedgies, steals lunch money and yells at babies. That's not what I want. I just like having someone who talks a lot, not as much as me though. There is only room for one of us. I just like having someone who doesn't get nervous if I raise my voice just a little bit too much. They like how impulsive I am and rather that get uncomfortable they fuel it. If I want to do something like cartwheel really quick in the store, that's not too big of a deal, not that I do that, because I don't, it's just knowing that they wouldn't mind. I just find that I laugh a lot more and I'm happier with someone who isn't easily overwhelmed by my personality. Just like I don't expect someone to be a chattier person or more extroverted, I don't want anyone to expect me to be relaxed. Not that introverts force me to do anything, this is just pressure I feel on myself around them.
I'm not saying that something is wrong with shy guys or that they should change. I'm saying, I'll just save myself the embarrassment and go for guys that aren't cringing on the inside when I talk to them. I'd just rather not feel like a real life Kimmy Gibbler.
Conclusion: Shy guys just make me a little uncomfortable because feel like I'm being irritating. Their calm personalities make me feel uneasy. I don't connect with them as well. This is not their fault, i'm not saying they aren't good enough for me, I just don't think I'm compatible with them. I just simply think that I would have a hard time dating them. I prefer more extroverted people because I don't feel as if I'm making them cringe, they keep up with me more. I know introverts open up to people, I'm just not good at getting them to the point where they want to do that around me. I just don't feel super ACCEPTED around introverts, after hanging out with them I go home and think I've embarrassed myself. I feel as if I have to guess what they're thinking, which I don't like.
I know all introverts aren't the same, I'm not against dating shy men, this is just my experiences so far, and why I have been motivated to go for more outgoing guys, because pretty much every guy beforehand was introverted. I'm just MUCH more comfortable around sociable people. If an introverted man comes along and shows interest in me, I don't mind giving him a chance. I think shy guys are cute. But I feel like other extroverts fuel my personality, and I make other extroverts happy. If I meet a introvert like this, I would probably be quite happy with them.
(This take has been sitting in my drafts for a very long and I hardly proof read it so my opinion on some of these points may have changed, regardless, enjoy)
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