Okay shy guys, we get it. You're shy.
But don't be. I realize that is easier said than done, but if you make a real effort to come out of your shell, girls will notice and you will find yourself with options you never thought possible. Just believe.
I can imagine what runs through a shy guy's mind when he sees a girl he likes. It probably goes something like this: just the thought of approaching your heart's desire makes you break out in a cold sweat and contemplate curling into the fetal position in a corner, awaiting an impending rejection. Although I don't recommend the latter (the whole hiding in a corner thing) because then you'll never be enlightened as to why you must get over your shyness and and how to do just that. So read on my friend...
I empathize with guys and the standard social etiquette today that states that a guy asks a girl out. Today, a guy initiates basically everything in the beginning stages of a could-be relationship - the approach, the first conversation, the exchanging of contact information, the actual asking out, then planning and paying for the date itself, not to mention being your best self while on the date.
That's a lot to ask of someone, I get it. And luckily, I've never had to make the first move and dedicate my time and effort into the subsequent stages that follow. I just get to stand there appreciate when guys do all of the hard work, and reward them with a kiss, a yes or even more...
It sucks for guys, but that's how it is.
So you've got to deal with it. I get that you're scared. You don't want to risk rejection. You're afraid you won't know how to talk to a girl even if you had the courage to walk up to one. Afraid that words won't come out. Afraid that even if they do, you're worried that you'll babble and make incoherent sentences. Worried that when you do actually speak, you'll say something wrong or stupid. And worried that even if you like a girl, she'll runaway because she's not feeling a connection or not attracted to your appearance. We get that.
But you need to get over it. Girls are just as insecure, if not more. If a girl doesn't like you, there are plenty more out there. Rejection hurts, but you also learn from your mistakes. No point in dwelling on the past. For every 10 girls who say no, there will be that 1 girl who says yes. You just need to keep trying, never give up.
With that said, you need to be in the right mind-set.
I've read plenty of questions and comments where guys think they don't stand a chance. They automatically assume a girl is out of their league just because she's got a pretty face or a banging body. But the reality is that most beautiful and attractive girls aren't approached because of their good looks. Guys tend to make false assumptions that she is taken or snobby or not worth their time because she will definitely reject you, and that's just not the case.
If you approach a girl with a defeatist attitude - or worse - don't approach a girl at all, you're losing valuable practice and experience that you can learn from for future endeavors with girls. You need to think positively. Assume that every girl likes you and wants to be with you. Don't be too cocky and ever verbalize this hyperbole, just try and believe it yourself.
There's no reward without taking risks. By you not making a move, you're making yourself appear uninterested and lacking in confidence. Girls, 99% of the time want the guy to initiate conversation and contact and do it while exuding confidence. No one likes a wallflower, so stand out. But in a good way. Confidence is an attractive quality, it shows you're comfortable with who you are and you go after what you want, both of which are endearing qualities. Not many girls ever approach a guy first, they'll just send you inviting signals like a smile or maintain eye contact and leave the rest up to you.
There is a stigma that if a girl asks a guy out first she appears desperate or weird. So you need to get the guts to do it yourself. If you lack in the confidence department, try working on yourself as a person. Do things outside of your comfort zone:
2. Improve yourself physically
Another way to help combat social awkwardness and shyness is to improve on yourself physically. I'm not saying you need to bulk up and gain 20 pounds of muscle like Taylor Lautner to be considered date-able and attractive. And I'm not saying that you need to invest all of your hard-earned money on a new wardrobe, haircut and hot car just to impress the ladies. Just make minor tweaks that will make you feel immensely better about your appearance in general and overall self:
3. Personality
To summarize, the 'shy complex' is just another saying for 'lacking in confidence'. And I believe that every guy owes it to himself to be their best. So work on what I stated above and you will have what it takes to approach women and be comfortable while doing it. Everyone deserves love in a romantic capacity, it's wonderful to experience and even more wonderful when you first meet someone special.
Don't let yourself miss out on love because you're afraid and 'shy'. You'll always wonder 'what if?' and life is just too short. You never know if today could be your last day, so make the best of it.
Good luck.
But don't be. I realize that is easier said than done, but if you make a real effort to come out of your shell, girls will notice and you will find yourself with options you never thought possible. Just believe.
I can imagine what runs through a shy guy's mind when he sees a girl he likes. It probably goes something like this: just the thought of approaching your heart's desire makes you break out in a cold sweat and contemplate curling into the fetal position in a corner, awaiting an impending rejection. Although I don't recommend the latter (the whole hiding in a corner thing) because then you'll never be enlightened as to why you must get over your shyness and and how to do just that. So read on my friend...
I empathize with guys and the standard social etiquette today that states that a guy asks a girl out. Today, a guy initiates basically everything in the beginning stages of a could-be relationship - the approach, the first conversation, the exchanging of contact information, the actual asking out, then planning and paying for the date itself, not to mention being your best self while on the date.
That's a lot to ask of someone, I get it. And luckily, I've never had to make the first move and dedicate my time and effort into the subsequent stages that follow. I just get to stand there appreciate when guys do all of the hard work, and reward them with a kiss, a yes or even more...
It sucks for guys, but that's how it is.
"Rejection hurts, but you also learn from your mistakes. No point in dwelling on the past."
So you've got to deal with it. I get that you're scared. You don't want to risk rejection. You're afraid you won't know how to talk to a girl even if you had the courage to walk up to one. Afraid that words won't come out. Afraid that even if they do, you're worried that you'll babble and make incoherent sentences. Worried that when you do actually speak, you'll say something wrong or stupid. And worried that even if you like a girl, she'll runaway because she's not feeling a connection or not attracted to your appearance. We get that.
But you need to get over it. Girls are just as insecure, if not more. If a girl doesn't like you, there are plenty more out there. Rejection hurts, but you also learn from your mistakes. No point in dwelling on the past. For every 10 girls who say no, there will be that 1 girl who says yes. You just need to keep trying, never give up.
With that said, you need to be in the right mind-set.
I've read plenty of questions and comments where guys think they don't stand a chance. They automatically assume a girl is out of their league just because she's got a pretty face or a banging body. But the reality is that most beautiful and attractive girls aren't approached because of their good looks. Guys tend to make false assumptions that she is taken or snobby or not worth their time because she will definitely reject you, and that's just not the case.
If you approach a girl with a defeatist attitude - or worse - don't approach a girl at all, you're losing valuable practice and experience that you can learn from for future endeavors with girls. You need to think positively. Assume that every girl likes you and wants to be with you. Don't be too cocky and ever verbalize this hyperbole, just try and believe it yourself.
There's no reward without taking risks. By you not making a move, you're making yourself appear uninterested and lacking in confidence. Girls, 99% of the time want the guy to initiate conversation and contact and do it while exuding confidence. No one likes a wallflower, so stand out. But in a good way. Confidence is an attractive quality, it shows you're comfortable with who you are and you go after what you want, both of which are endearing qualities. Not many girls ever approach a guy first, they'll just send you inviting signals like a smile or maintain eye contact and leave the rest up to you.
"Not many girls approach a guy first - they'll just send you inviting signals, like a smile or maintain eye contact, and leave the rest up to you."1. Do things outside of your comfort zone
There is a stigma that if a girl asks a guy out first she appears desperate or weird. So you need to get the guts to do it yourself. If you lack in the confidence department, try working on yourself as a person. Do things outside of your comfort zone:
- Try sign up for a cooking class if you've never used your culinary wizardry on anything more than grilled cheese (my specialty) and meet new people.
- Sign up for a foreign language class at your college or high school.
- Take karate classes or go rock climbing, something active that will push your physical limits.
- Make new friends outside of your usual social circle, befriend the loner, say hi to everyone you pass in the hallway, smile at random strangers, anything that you wouldn't normally do - within reason.
2. Improve yourself physically
Another way to help combat social awkwardness and shyness is to improve on yourself physically. I'm not saying you need to bulk up and gain 20 pounds of muscle like Taylor Lautner to be considered date-able and attractive. And I'm not saying that you need to invest all of your hard-earned money on a new wardrobe, haircut and hot car just to impress the ladies. Just make minor tweaks that will make you feel immensely better about your appearance in general and overall self:
- If you could stand to lose a few pounds, try eating healthier. That means eliminating any beverage but water because alcohol and soda just add tons of extra calories, which will make you put on weight, not keep it off. Also, eat plenty of lean meats like broiled chicken with lots of good vegetables and fruits. Try to snack on healthier options like cheese sticks, pretzels and wheat thins. I'm not saying become a vegan and vegetarian and only eat like Kate Moss. Just be healthier and make better food choices. Try eating a large salad for a meal, not steak and potatoes. You'll feel better and look better, which will make you more confident.
- Another area you can work on is your skin. A lot of guys complain that they have acne and it deters them from approaching girls. You can't control your skin, it's a hormonal thing so for right now so you need to understand that there is no quick fix. But if you want to work on improving your pizza face, try using over the counter acne medication in the form of face washes, wipes, etc available at drugstores and super centers like Wal-Mart. Most of these products will eliminate redness and reduce bumps.
- Try being more hygienic. That means showering once a day, shaving and keeping yourself well-maintained overall. Always wear deodorant and cologne.
- Wear clean clothes that you wash frequently and don't smell. Try to match your clothes, but not in a metro-sexual way and don't wear anything with a stain or unintentional rip. If you don't have much style, take cues from magazines. And if you don't want to be caught reading a gossip mag, just always opt for some jeans (not baggy and not skinny - boot cut tend to fit all sizes of guys) and a t-shirt with some sneakers. Nothing too flashy. Simplicity is always best.
3. Personality
- Besides looks, personality is the next thing that comes into play with chemistry and attraction. You've got to have something going on inside of your head, you have to have thoughts and opinions to share. And all girls love a funny guy. So work on being witty and sarcastic (not in a rude way) but in a playful way. If you're horrible at improvisation or making jokes, start out small. Tease her when she says something silly or does something silly. Just make sure you're polite about it and not crossing the line over to being rude.
- Stay on top and aware of current events, watch the news and read newspapers for major headlines so you can always revert back to one of those topics to bring into a conversation. Lively conversations that involve a repertoire of back and forth comments and questions are crucial on dates. The last thing you and I want is an awkward conversation full of awkward silences and dragging lulls. You never run out of things to talk about.
- So besides staying up to date on what's going on in the world, be sure to talk about her, her interests (music, books, movies, clothes, friends, family, sports, school, etc...) and your interests, when asked, as well. Keep the conversation light and don't delve into controversial topics like religion and politics, many people have very set beliefs and if yours don't coincide, there could be a real rift. So save that for later.
"Keep the conversation light and don't delve into controversial topics like religion and politics"
To summarize, the 'shy complex' is just another saying for 'lacking in confidence'. And I believe that every guy owes it to himself to be their best. So work on what I stated above and you will have what it takes to approach women and be comfortable while doing it. Everyone deserves love in a romantic capacity, it's wonderful to experience and even more wonderful when you first meet someone special.
Don't let yourself miss out on love because you're afraid and 'shy'. You'll always wonder 'what if?' and life is just too short. You never know if today could be your last day, so make the best of it.
Good luck.
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