The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest

Im sure we’ve all had a role model who eventually let us down, right? Well in this take i will talk about my role model... MY MOTHER.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


My grandparents are great now that they have a “second chance” at being a better grandparent than parents. My mom was verbally and physically abused by them then kicked out. She was later taken in by diff family members.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest

She eventually met my dad and had a great thing going. But she missed her relationship with her parents more. After HS, they reconnected. My grandmother, putting her feelings before anyone elses as usual, envied my moms new found relationship with my dad. So my grandmother did everything she could to break my parents up. They got engaged. But my mom was later convinced my dad cheated after finding blonde hair, and so she left him while pregnant.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


Raised by my mother/grandparents, I grew up spoiled but was the sweetest child and loved by mostly eveyone. I didn't even miss my dad. I knew he existed and he came to my bdays up until age 3, but he wasn't really somehing i thought about. My mother and I were inseparable. I was her mini-me: shy, sweet, tomboyish, artistic, dressed alike. And I loved being the only child. I loved being raised by a single mom. She was all mine and i was all hers.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


When i turned 5, she started dating this military dude who she grew up with. Her mom was best friends with his. Bt both mothers plotted together to break them up. I hated this guy. He was rude to me and told my mom not to support his son because he would never support her daughter. I remember one road trip, i cried the whole time having to see them together and yet she kicked me out the car and made me ride home with someone else just to satisfy him. Anyways, My mom gets pregnant, and almost dies having to go under C-section. She survives and im happy i get to name my sis but im sad i have to share her now. But then, After she gives birth, my sister’s father comes into the room and says “I need to tell you something. I just got married over the weekend. Im sorry bt i have a wife now and we can't raise this child together”. Smh, savage af.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


So she's single again but is doing great as a mother, solely focused on her kids, and with help of her parents.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


She reconnects with someone who used to crush on her, but he's 8 years younger. I never thought i could relate to this but i’ll get to that later. Anyways, she falls for this bad boy and moves him in with us. However, my grandparents house catches on fire and they have to move in with us too. Luckily we had this huge house so you could barely tell when someone else was home. Anyways, my grandma struggles to break up this relationship. Bt he and my mom have an on/off relationship for 8 years (my grandparents only stayed living with us for a year). He lives off us, barely paying a bill. She even buys him a car yet we’re struggling to keep our own transportation repaired. He tells her he’ll only marry her if she gives him a baby. But she had her tubes tied after my sis, so her and this guy were both just living off false hope. He stays In and out of jail, Planting drugs in my moms car, verbally abusing her like her parents did. I hated who she became while with him. So weakminded, allowing herself to be taken advantage of (something that heavily influenced my first relationship). She disrespected her daughters with how they had sex in the house and we had to hear her moan loudly each night. She started smoking for him (she quit like a year later). He also controlled what friends i could talk to and he wouldn't let my guy friends call my phone. He talked her into buying dogs and letting them live in the house although im 100% scared of animals.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


He leaves her for good since she can't have kids. she's back to the good mom I know and everything's going swell. However i admit, she messed up because

• She told us we didn't have to go to college

(I ended up going due to academic scholarships)

• She didn't make us get jobs while in school

(Now i have a degree but am struggling with jobhunting since i have no prior job experience)

• She didn't educate us about sex

(I had to learn by myself and it was the best way)

• she's influenced me to be weakminded with my first boyfriend at age 14 who takes advantage of me sexually...

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


Now we’re having financial probs because she's trying to pay off the bills she created with her ex and my grandparents can't help as much as they used to since theyre retired and their 401k didn't workout like hoped. My dad stopped paying child support and she let him slide instead of going to court. My sisters dad has PTSD now afer time in the military and he told my mom to never bring my sister around again. He pays child support super late and she won't take him to court either. Now she's relying on me to help pay a lot of bills because she refuses to quit her $19k annually job. Im trying to help her out but also save to move out. I meet a supposedly great guy on G@G whos 8 years older than me (something i never thought i’d go for). My mom turns into her mom and tries to ruin my relationship with him because she's lonely and bitter. She tells me not to date someone 8 years older but recall she dated someone 8 years younger.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


She reconnects with an ex from HS who left her his freshmen year of college because he wanted to hoe around. He went and got somebody pregnant and married them. 25 years later he's divorcing her and my mom reaches out to him to tell him happy bday. He and my mom start hooking up and he offers her a buttload of money. She gets used to it but offers to pay him back... at first. When he Constantly reminds her she doesn't have to. Some months later he asked her to pay for herself for one date. She told him that it was his job to pay (something she tells me i should tell my boyfriend but i refuse because i prefer equality). I found it a bit rude after all he had done for her. Anyways, he tells her theyre not gonna work and leaves her. Now more like her mother, she automatically turns bitter and tries to sabotage my new relationship with my current boyfriend. She cleans out my savings by having me take out more and more monthly to help with bills/food/transportation. She doesn't want me moving out, leaving her to be alone since she's single again. So she tries to take my money to assure i dont go anywhere.

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest


So that's where I am now. A beautiful mother ruined by the parents and men she let take advantage of her. She's now money-hungry and bitter, and out to ruin my savings/relationship like her parents did her. Its sad this is where we are when #MothersDay is coming up soon :( Im trying not to end up weak like her but im scared i may. #FeelFreeToList below any role model you had who failed you. I know not all of you are “believers” but God is my one and only role model now. #FamilyForever #ShareURexperience

The Rise AND Fall of a Role Model: A Mother’s Quest
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Girls

    I read your entire Take. It was pretty interesting. I wish you the best in your career and with your relationship with your man.

    My mom was and is my only closest relationship in the world. My mom has a deep paranoia where she thinks that everyone hates her because they are jealous of her. She treats me like I'm lower than dirt, so to make herself feel "good" about herself. All my life, I felt that way... that I was worthless because my mom told me I was. Then I got married, and my mom told me my kids were evil, my husband was evil, and so was I. That my husband was going to kill me, my kids were going to kill me too, and that I was a worthless, ugly POS. Well anyways, I woke up one day and realized that I was not going to let my mom bully my kids, me or my husband anymore. My mom has no empathy skills, no non violent communication skills and she has a total spirit of FEAR. I realized, I don't want to be like her. I don't want to be paranoid anymore. I stopped talking to her after she tried to bullying me into doing something I didn't want to do. I just refused to talk to her anymore now. I also told my brothers to tell my mom to never call or contact me ever again. I know it will take some time to heal, but I think the first step to heal is to get away from her. I wish you the best in your healing process as well. good luck
    Is this still revelant?
    • Sorry you had to part ways but im so glad you stood up to her

    • HOAAH

      yeah, it's hard to stand up against her and part ways. I feel like I'm doing something wrong but yet it feels right. I also feel really alone now.

  • veronicalynn
    Thoughts and prayers are with you.. Keep your head up..
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guys

  • Guanfei
    It's sad, but from what I see... The problem is mostly she chose her relationships poorly, and even when it was obvious things were going bad, she stayed.
    Until she thought it was too late for her to be happy again and she turned bitter, to the point she sabotaged the only good relationship she found.
    The fact that those guys were bad is kinda secondary, because you can always leave someone bad.
    The only way out would be to find a good guy like the previous one and make it work. Can she do it?
    Is this still revelant?
    • I left out a few details about the last guy. Dod you see the part i said about him
      “She reconnects with an ex from HS who left her his freshmen year of college because he wanted to hoe around. He went and got somebody pregnant and married them. 25 years later he's divorcing her and my mom reaches out to him to tell him happy bday. He and my mom start hooking up and he offers her a buttload of money.”
      He not only left her because of the money comment but also he said he nevr wanted to commit to anyone again. She shouldve known if he left her in college to go fck around that he came back to do it once more. She just keeps choosing bad relationships.
      There was this one good guy. He was everything she couldve wanted and he was crazy about her however she didn't like that he didn't have a car. I found that so hypocritical because she bought her ex a car

    • Guanfei

      It was just an excuse. He was a nice guy but she didn't want it to work. I think your mom isn't only bitter. She's scared. Scared because she doesn't want to get another relationship like the ones she had, and scared because if you leave, she's be all alone.
      And you know, I think that's the best that could happen to her. As long as you're here, she sees in you someone who can support her all the time, but also someone who can have what she wanted, but never got.
      And she'll do anything to be sure you won't leave her, as well as you don't have what she couldn't have. That's why you need to go whenever you can. Keep in touch, but far. So she can't put all her bitterness, her regrets on you and you both start to live for yourselves. Maybe then, she will stop blaming you for her situation, and start living her own life.
      And if she doesn't... Well you'll be free, at least. You can't save everyone, even your own mother, if she doesn't want to be saved.

    • Very good answer 😭 and yea im gonna try to save somehow so i can be out by next January

  • monkeynutts
    Roll model, or bad teacher, your mum needs to see a shrink mate, she is seriously messed up in the head, if I were you I would stash money in an account she does not know about, you have to live your own life, she is going to drag you Into the quick sand that she has created herself, parents are people not angels.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • melanieeeB
    Maybe you could sit down and talk with her, you know let her know she has become like her mother and she should stop destroying your life just cause she feels bad. I don't know does talking with her help?
    Or you know what, you could give her some pics to mothers day. Do a photo album and talk all the time how great it used to be and how loving she used to be lol
    • Lol that would be a sweet idea. But i think i’ll just wait for her to start the next argument and then i’l get it all out then

  • Your mother is not responsible for the parents she has but she has had opportunities to get away from them and failed to do so. Your mother is responsible for all of the men she has chosen to have in her life and she is responsible for all of the consequences of those bad decisions. This myTake could easily have focused on responsibility for decisions and the consequences of those decisions.

    What decisions have YOU made to distance yourself from this poisoned well?
    • I still love my mom but I've been saving to move far away. My job has sadly cut my hours badly these past 3 months so its messing up some of my last few savings but i hope to move away by/before February

    • Have you selected a destination?

    • Possibly north carolina

    • Show All
  • Hans222
    So sad Desi, keep up the courage. Let's hope that as you and your guy grow closer you can take some distance from all the emotions this brings.
    And hopefully she'll take a turn for the better one day :D
    • Hopefully cause i miss my old mom

    • Hans222

      Yeah, we all would. Even through hard times, your close family remains so valuable :D

  • Creepazoid
    Nah, I doubt you'll end up like her. You're very self aware and you know what you want in life, and have plans to achieve those goals. It really is sad to read this, but I think you'll be ok and I'm glad you're families doing better now too.
    • Yea she's not that much better but she's def better when single. Thank you for reading ❤️

    • Creepazoid

      Of course I'd read it. Np

  • Krumpir
    Leaving this so I can find it later. I follow you for some time and know what is going on and who you are talking about just from title.
    Sorry for this one being fake hope of good comment.
    And I have to ask you for a favor. Reply to my comment, anything, just so I will get notification.
    • Mmkay :) thanks

    • Krumpir

      That is really sad story... :( I hope you learned from her mistakes.
      But I still dont understand how can she take your money from your account?

    • She doesn't go and take it. She says.. We have no food tonight. We no phone bill money for the month. I'm short on the housenote... she says all those things and says that if we want food/phone/house we have to sacrifice our personal money as well

    • Show All
  • Logorithim
    That's really rough and a lot to deal with. I hope you can overcome this and your mom can overcom her demons, so to speak.
  • torken
    That sucks. its hard to walk the line of admitting you need help, and protecting yourself from others who might eventually let you down
  • QueenofCups
    My parents both failed me. My childhood was chaotic af and very lonely.
    • Sad i didn't read this before i answered your post :(

  • RedThread
    I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I never really had a role model so I don't know how it would feel to lose faith in one. I can't empathize as much as I'd like to.
  • JimRSmith
    You've been through a lot. I take my hat off to you. Great Take.
  • LongWhiteBeard
    Father was psychotic, mother was a narcissist. I'm also an atheist. The only thing I believed in was my self. I went down the path of self-destruction many times, but I always got myself out. I never had any role models that failed me, life simply crushed me so hard that I had to get myself out or perish. I guess you can say I'm my own role model, but that could just be the narcissism I inherited from my mother :/
  • dandee55
    Stay strong.
  • Im sorry to hear what you are going through, Dizzy :( I do hope things will get better for you.

    I've only had two, rolemodels which was my sister and my one older male cousin as I didn't have any brothers growing up

    My sister still is my rolemodel as she took the reigns of getting things sorted when my father passed away and protecting my mum from some of the BS happening with the dads family, back when I was younger.

    She hasn't failed me but more so that she became distant as she isn't the type to discuss her feelings.

    Now the other one had failed me due to said BS.
  • Grond21
    She will rise again, in the footsteps of her daughter
    • Lmao what

    • Grond21

      She will become a great mom again, and you will inspire her. After you have left home, she will wake up

  • CoffeeWC
    I feel so sorry for you. It sucks that you had to live like that.
    • Yea i miss who she was before “love” and money conquered her

    i'm not really sure i have a role model... my father wasn't much of one... but my grumpop was... i've surpassed him in my carreer field of interest... not that he's ever failed me... but he only wrenched a little on the side on his own junk...
    but that's an amazing story @DizzyDesii... almost unbelieveable
    • Yea well at least she did her part for a good 21 years

  • Jamie05rhs
    "savage af". That's not savage; that's evil.

    Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry your grandparents had a fire. That must have been really devastating.

    Wow- your mom's #3 was a serious jerk. I guess it was a blessing in disguise that he left on his own.

    Regarding guy #4 with the dates and the money, it sounds to me like they were both playing games and neither one of them was being honest with the other or themselves. So they confused each other by having undefined expectations and then they both got mad about it. This is why you should never play games with money and why I think you're doing the right thing having each person pay their own way.

    Your mom was abusive and manipulative draining your money like that.

    And yes, never forget that God is the one who we can count on who will always be there for us and who will never let us down.
    • Maybe verbally abusive to an extent. Def manipulative but im moving past it and standing my ground. I still love her and dont want anything to happen to her. But yea this article is a year old i think. Its just a summary of what all happened in life

    • Jamie05rhs


  • Angelina25
    Stay Strong.
  • jjj101010
    Too long to read all of this. Keep ur posts shorter
  • Confidenceoverload
    Wow I’m honestly brought to anger and sadness because of what this world can do to people I hoped I would not be changed in this world I’m only 16 and I’m already turned from a good kid to a evil one because of money 😔I want to be a good guy but I can’t because my parents refuse to help me get a job my license or go to school they took me out of real school and put me online school and now I can’t talk to people they watch what I do online they control every aspect of my life and I’ve been cheated on by 3 girls life is terrible but I’ve adapted and I’ve gotten smarter I rely on no one because I was treated like a sex toy I’ll treat every girl I sleep with as if it’s a one night stand because I know I can’t trust anyone anymore
    • So sorry to see this happen to you :(

    • It’s okay though it’s dog eat dog world if you don’t adapt you won’t survive I’m going to survive no matter how many people I have to hurt to do it but originally this is not how I wanted to act life is a bitch I plan on winning not losing and I’m not scared I was scared once then I realized life is meaningless there is no point we are born just to die and then nothing

  • LegateLanius
    Wow. That is quite the life you had to deal with.
    • I mean life was great up until this past year or two

    • ah. It sounded like you went through a lot.

    • Not so much me, more so her. This story is about her. I mainly came in at the end when she leans toward me for money but yea

  • disgustingweebtrash
    Thank you for this myTake
  • CT_CD
    Beautiful myTake
  • GoldCobra
    Nice take. Sorry to hear about your struggles.
  • RedRobin
    Nice take
  • Redhadeziri30111991
  • Psycho21924
    Nice take
  • Mehzmeh
    Damn. I am sorry. I thought my story was bad.
  • illdoit90
    Lol copy and paste