Search Results: learning to trust

"No one in my life has ever been as caring toward me as you've been, I can't tell if you're bored or if you actually care for me. I'm sorry for being weird"
"Nobody else has ever put in effort into learning about me or more than just about my day. I've never really had someone say I want to talk about these things with you, and mean it without having some ulterior motive like sex or using me. So they way you've been caring really caught me off guard. Thank you for being so kind to me"
Thank you for caring.

Little info: Girls been mentally abused from past relationships. Has a hard time trusting ANYONE. Has PTSD because of it.

I am 23 years old, and I never had an actual girlfriend.

I am about 5'7" in height and weigh approximately 175lbs. I am a little heavyset, but I am not obese by any means (you should see the people here where I live... talk about obese).

I am mostly an introvert. I do not like to party. I used to drink, but I very seldom have an alcoholic beverage now.

I do not like large crowds or gatherings, unless I am in uniform and serving in a position of authority or trust (I work in public safety... sort of... used to). I am a licensed Advanced Emergency Medical Technician and have worked in EMS for two years. I no longer work in EMS, and I have taken a break.

I am a huge computer nerd. I am skilled and educated in Hypertext Markup Language (HTML), Cascading Styling Sheets (CSS), JavaScript, Structured Query Language (SQL), PHP, Asynchronous JavaScript and XML (AJAX), Javascript Object Notation (JSON), Google Maps API, and the Bootstrap Framework. I am a full-stack web developer and a creator of dynamic, responsive web applications and Content Management Systems (CMS).

I used to be a huge gym buff, not so much anymore.

I live at home still. I am still dependent financially on my parents. I am unemployed as of currently and spend most of my time learning programming, so that one day, I can score a career in programming and web development.

In the meantime, I am working on projects that can potentially make a lot of money in and of itself.

I do not leave the house much anymore as I am completely dedicated to programming. I strike out on dating websites all the time.

I seek a particular type of woman, one that has never had a romantic bond herself. That is largely why I have the excuse of being single at this point in time.

I have a southern accent, and I am from the south. I can get easily attached with explosive feelings of infatuation towards any potential partner.

I am a "hopeless romantic". I have an INFP personality type.

I have developed very strong feelings for my best friend. We cuddle sometimes and spend hours alone together (we literally spoke for 12hrs straight for one weekend). We also live next door.

I told her about my feelings a few months ago. She said she wants to graduate before getting into another relationship. I am willing to wait, however she wants me to get over her because she doesn't want me waiting nor knows if she'll reciprocate feelings when she's ready. There are several other issues too. First, she's living with her ex and he tries to poison her mind against me. She really wants her next relationship to be her last; so she wants to put a lot of effort into learning about her next partner before committing. Discussions with her ex has caused her to focus on how my pitfalls may make me a poor husband (this mostly consists of ways we are incompatible). One example is I find it difficult to be blunt so I tend to spin the truth into what I see as more digestible chunks. She on the other hand loves brutal honesty because it's essential for blind trust, something she had with her ex.

Now she has come up with a set of reasons why she thinks she won't want to date in the future. She's told me these reasons and wants me to move on.

Also, I don't want to move on because I think she's the one and her ex is just a barrier right now. I've also just came out of a 7 year relationship 9 months ago and I'm only 22. So I have no emotional independence so I'm thinking I need to remain single for at least a year anyway. So my thinking is if I retain feelings for her, someone who does not reciprocate but provides subtle emotional support, I can slowly develop emotional independence instead of falling into another relationship and getting stuck as someone who's emotionally dependant.

So what should I do? Should I try and get over her? My attempts have just made me very sad so I'm not trying too hard right now.