Search Results: very special first date

Some backstory: I find very few people in general to be attractive (speaking strictly about physical appearances). So I often don't date. Instead I sit back and learn about people over time. Some people are cute when I meet them and seem less attractive over time. Others seem to become more attractive. Those that are cute at first tend to be pretty great people then I get comfortable with their personalities and I kinda just decide to stick around and keep trying often times reluctantly. Those that aren't cute at first tend to become more attractive as I learn more about them but I always find myself fighting to get over some physical attribute of theirs. As I get older I see less and less people as physically attractive and I feel more guilty about even caring about physical appearances.

However on the other side of the coin when I ignore physical appearance altogether almost everyone seems to be a pretty okay person to be around with both attractive and unattractive personality traits. Everyone feels kinda the same. It's the little push from the physical attraction that makes a person stand out to me or the physical attraction tends to follow pretty quickly after I learn about something attractive, personality-wise, about them.

So is it a good decision to follow my instincts even though I know they're shallow? As a (mostly?) heterosexual guy with a lot of female friends it makes me feel like a shitty person for not wanting to be in a nonplatonic relationship with girls who are honestly pretty great but just not physically appealing to me. I feel like I'm being a selfish uncaring asshole. No one chose their body. It's admittedly a pretty unfair thing to judge people on. But at the same time without using physical attraction as a compass of sorts I end up leaving every girl I meet that's interested in me feeling like another fish in the sea rather than that special one out of 7 billion.