Search Results: stuck in between

I came across this movie in which the description was that the main characters were learning to survive in a “post relationship” world. So I looked up what does post relationship mean and after diving deeper into that, I started looking at the topic of “relationship PTSD” I eventually landed on this article letting you know if you have relationship PTSD. There were a list of all the side effects one might expect from being hurt. I guess the key difference between regular sadness that your relationship ended and relationship PTSD is that the relationship in ITSELF brings the “victim” a great sense of paranoia. It all sounded so familiar. But the thing that stuck out to me the most in his article was that apparently, if you have relationship PTSD you can hardly remember being happy in your relationship. I can relate to that very much. When I look at other people being happy in there relationship I feel one of two things. Either I have this daunting concern that I am somehow different from women who are clearly more able to exist in a relationship-or I suspect that the love I witness isn’t real. I mostly see my last relationship as just one big painful memory held together by a few happy memories or moments. But when I actually stop to recall the times where I felt happy in my last relationship, I realize I wouldn’t have been happy AT ALL during the entire length of the relationship IF I knew the things that my ex boyfriend was concealing from me or even IF I knew the outcome that would come out of being in love with a man who cared so little about me as to ghost me after an entire year just to be with someone else. So in its entirety, the relationship seems like a fake to me. And it causes me to have a continued sense of paranoia even years later. And while I refuse to let my ex win any more and I think that I have recovered a lot of myself, I haven’t yet recovered the sense that when I meet a new guy I can accept that “this is reality” or “this is genuine.”