Search Results: forming a friendship

Whether that be romantic or friendship wise

I am someone that enjoys living something of a hermit lifestyle. I have 2 cats, and a fiance that I've been with for 4 years.

As a child I moved well over 40 times, I didn't bother even talking to my classmates since I'd be gone within months anyway.
I've never been great at forming attachments. And I tried when I first moved out of my parents home. I made friends, but quickly lost the majority of them within a year because they decided I was a bad friend due to my refusal to spend too much time with them, if at all. I didn't want to go out and party, I didn't want to go on shopping sprees, or go spend money on lunches. I work full time and have since I was 18 , why should I waste $20 at a restaurant? Ridiculous.

I had another friend, But I had to cut her out as well. She stayed the night, and while we hadn't officially discussed a time for her to leave, I assumed she would leave by around 12pm the next day... she didn't go until 8pm and that was because I pretty much kicked her out at that point then just stopped talking to her.

People at work like me, I can turn on the "ON" switch but when it's time to clock out I shut down and don't want to be bothered. I have coworkers I might call friends, 2, but they're both older than me. I'm 22 and they're in their 40's with multiple children and have both been married for years, so they don't really want to hang out outside of work anyway which works for me.
I get easily irritated though, no one ever seems to listen when I tell them that I'm not there for "friendship" I'm extremely open about the fact that I have no friends, and that I find the intrusion of anyone outside of work hours to be completely intolerable. Yet people my own age ALWAYS have the same reaction. They ALL say something along the lines of "same, I hate going out" then proceed to try and make plans, Then they become surprised and angry when I refuse all invitations.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I try harder to be social?

When a person requests your friendship, you spend time chatting and forming a bond. All of a sudden the disappear without a word... So annoying because it leaves you feeling shitty!

Anyone else experience this?

The first question above was for the poll.

This second question is a bonus one so feel free to not respond to it if you don't feel comfortable. It's just asking for personal advice. Thank you in advance to all who vote/reply.

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I have worried that friendships don't form in my life because maybe some can tell I was abused growing up and they don't want to get closer.

I want to try to find out Why there seems to be a barrier stopping friendships from forming (a condition which has been present for many years now and is really taking its toll).

I was told by a professional that I have a flat affect: its when your face during interation or conversation with someone shows no emotion or change and supposedly this is disconcerting for the conversation partner to witness, to the point that they will not want to talk to you in the future or think that you are emotionless or psychopathic.

Internally (especially in private) I am emotional, but when in front of people there usually an energy drainage in procession: As much as I feel attached or caring towards people, especially certain ones, quickly I lose energy around them.

I also just do not want to be open, and this is instinctive. I have so many memories of being harassed and feeling so low down growing up from childhood and all the way into high school. Not sure if that is typical for everyone else but that feeling of not belonging, fear, and feeling like something was always wrong with me and needed to be changed to fit in, and never succeeding at fitting in defines my period of growing up. Not only was I facing bullies in peers but my caregivers tore me down too.

So the question here was if people can sense I was hurt and broken down growing up and if this is something that is making them not be attracted to friendship with me.

And what has your experience been with the majority of men here? How do you think it breaks down, as far as what they are looking for? Are you forming more female or male friendships?

This question will be closed to the men, so you can speak freely.