Search Results: more than friends poems

I see you looking at me,

don’t think I can’t see you with

with my nose all runny,

peering into battlefields dark

and hospitals sunny

You’re the measure of every man, woman, and sometimes

child, the problem no one runs from-

-gold medalist to chair/bed

exiled

Collecting like badges Us in your pocketbook

like a morbid accountant laying

lines flatter than the phone companies

in sometimes seconds at that,

but it’s been a few years now and

I’ve made out like a bandit so far

stealing so much breath I got fat

You’re the cops down the street on which I drive, and I see you in your

flashing, lagging police car on chase like slow bees

pacing themselves out of the hive

Laying down the laws of nature,

leaving nurture down to us

(to be done done much more poorly)

Your playground

hell-bound, hounding down the

doorsteps of the universe looking

for rent in a depressed nation

extracting irritation and the existential

meddles of the soul

You

religions ugly secret,

the governments ultimate ransom,

the kind of face a mother would

never love

but the likes of Charlie Manson might call you handsome

I’ve found you here and there

being more to take

than bear but

stepped on like a rake and

biting as the snake

you’re that soldier which needs

no uniform,

my least favorite friend,

as hard to fake as you are to swallow

my roadside follower

down every bend,

the end.

Hi guys.
I recently wrote a poem. When I showed it to my friend, he told me to drop words like "pupil" (hole in your iris through which light enters)
He said, words like pupil, iris, cornea and retina are better off in biology textbooks than in poems and literature.
I get the point of not using technical scientific words in a romantic poem and at first I did feel odd using it when he pointed it out.
But now I'm going to have to change the entire structure of that stanza. Moreover I had used pupil within an alliteration. So I don't wanna give it up for that too. The more I think about it the more I feel that it is not that big a deal.

What do you guys think? Would you find the use of word "pupil" (the pupil of the eye) odd and unfit?
Help me out. Please.