Search Results: having second thoughts

My boyfriend and I have been having serious problems. We’ve gone through a lot, and a lot of shite has happened. I’m horrible at communicating and it’s taken me a long time to realize this.. to accept this fact about me. My boyfriend is so in touch with his feelings—he has told me that he used to be able to “read my mind” and honestly he probably did... it was the only time I really talked. Then his dad died... they had a super complicated relationship and I knew I should have been strong for him but I wasn’t. I’m not it happened 6 months ago. We’ve continued to have problems. Then about a month (3 weeks?) he crossed a line. He said I invaded his space, but he came at me. His hand around my throat just for a second or less. I don’t remember I just remember the look in his eyes and I thought he could kill me if he wanted to. We’ve tried to work on it... work on our problems before but it always comes back to the choking and I ask myself can I trust him? I don’t think he will ever do it again... but I don’t know for certain. What if I get in his space again? His dad was emotionally abusive to him—what if he does something to our future kids.

I kind of broke up with him last night, but we stayed and talked and he was downright sarcastic and mean and I just let him say everything. He is my first boyfriend. He told me I was bailing, that I wasn’t trying to work anything out, that I was weak... that I was all these hurtful things. Then I don’t know what happened. We decided a decision could not be made until the next morning and then it’s come to tonight. I keep asking myself—what to do? I know it is my decision but I have no idea where to start.