Search Results: telling her i miss her

tl;dr- considering keeping in contact with an ex im still in love with. broke up last December, talked once every month since then.

I broke up with my ex a few days before Christmas last year. Basically I'm still crazy about him but I had reasons to end the relationship (he was a good partner, he did everything to try and make it work- it's my seriously ugly personal issues). Since we broke up I've just been obsessing about it but I never showed. He sent a long message on new year's day greeting me and telling me he still loves me. I replied and that convo didn't last long. About last week of January, he called me and we talked for a while. After that call, he sent a lot of messages asking if we could still make it work. I love him a lot but I was so sure that getting back together isn't the right thing to do so I stuck with my decision. I blocked him on Facebook after that because it became harder for me to stop thinking about him. I'd visit his profile a lot. Just two days ago he sent messages on Instagram but he unsent them. Then last night he called and we talked for a few hours. It was a really nice talk and I felt instantly better. It included saying I could call him anytime I need someone to talk to. He said he's still waiting and hoping for something between us. He understands why I ended things with him which I didn't expect because he really didn't do anything for me to act that way.

Anywaynot a day goes by that I don't think about him and I miss him a lot so I've thought about considering calling him every now and then. Would that be unhealthy? I didn't say anything to him about getting back together. We just agreed that we can call each other anytime we want, and I do want to. I just dont know what's right or wrong about this anymore.

In August, me and my bestie admitted to liking each other. He then told me he wanted a relationship with me and he loves me.
I’m a lesbian but since developing feelings for him, I don’t know what I am anymore. I’ve just got to the point of not wanting a label. I am who I am.
We’ve both slept with each other twice since admitting our feelings and we’ve also had massive arguments, as you can imagine.
Recently he’s all that’s crossing my mind, I’m thinking about him far too much. I keep showing people pictures of him and saying ‘how cute is he?’, that’s how bad I’m getting haha.
I have three reasons for not wanting a relationship with him: 1) I’ve never properly dated a man before (it’s scary). 2) what if I miss sleeping with girls and go out and cheat on him? It would be unintentional but I just know how much I prefer girls. 3) what if it ruins our friendship? I don’t want to lose my best friend.
I’ve told him all this and he said ‘I’ll give you permission to sleep with girls whenever you want. I won’t let it ruin our friendship, nothing will ruin it. We can take it slowly until you’re used to it’.
He always gives me reassurance but i just feel like that’s not enough. The thought of dating a man is really scary.
I’ve even deliberately invited him around my house today, telling him I want help decorating my room. When in reality, I just want to see him.
He’s suggested just an open relationship to me in the past and I told him no, it’s a bad idea. But with all these thoughts, I’m thinking maybe it isn’t a bad idea after all.
I’m going to tell him today but my problem is, is it a good idea?
I want more then friendship but I don’t want it to jeopardise it.
Please give your honest opinions!!