Search Results: should i leave him husband

I've played it by the book for the past 4 years, referring to Emily Post etiquite guides everytime she has behaved disrespectfully towards me, my home and even my husband. I've kept my opinions to myself, rarely voicing my frustrations because I didn't want to cause issues.
A few weeks ago, she showed up at our house at 10:00 pm on a Sunday night with her 2 children (6 years;4 mos) and I hit my limit. I tried my best to be respectful in asking her to leave but I wasn't exactly patient or kind, and so she completely lost it, eventually storming out the door (almost an HOUR after arriving unannounced). Since then, she has spread aweful rumors about me to our circle of friends, going as far as telling my husband that I'm a bossy, lazy and terrible wife; and that since she considers him family she wants him to know that I am "disrespectful and rude".
When I tried to apologize for the miscommunication, she said some pretty nasty things to me, which now has me doubting myself. She's told me that she doesn't want me around her kids, but her husband still brings them over. I'm at a loss as to what I should do.
This woman has walked all over me for years and treats me like I'm the scum of the earth and as soon as I stand up for myself, I've validated it in her mind. I don't want to cause any further issues for them, but I also don't want to allow her the satisfaction of bringing me down. Our mutual friends have asked me what is going on, but I don't know what to tell them. I don't believe in gossip and avoid it whenever possible.

How can I keep the peace without losing my dignity? Is it even possible?
What do I tell our friends? How do I handle situations involving them and her?

NOTE: I've already talked with my husband about the things she said to him; He told me to ignore it because she's wrong. He was very sweet and listed everything I do for him, which is enough for me not to put any stock in her statement.

Was I wrong in asking her to leave that night? (Poll)