Search Results: having second thoughts

Back drop to the story is when I was 19, I ended up in a bad place. Found a guy that I practically loved, but at the same time was going through a bit of turbulence in my life at the time and had to drop out of my university course etc which was completely embarrassing for me.

Anyway, I was drinking heavily at the time each weekend. And then I met this aforementioned guy - and I really really liked him. Like seriously, had never felt like I did about someone before him. Things went swimmingly to begin with, and I forgot about all of the other troubles during that time.

Things had been too good to be true, only for him to decide early on that he didn't want things to go further, and he was also 'bored' because I wouldn't sleep with him. I don't believe in sex before marriage - and it's a good job in that situation that I didn't.

So I was extremely upset at the time, felt even worse than I had before. A few months after the split, he invited me to a house party at his and I agreed to go (naively hoping we'd sort things out).

I went over drunk to find that he'd taken drugs and was trying to pursue a relationship with one of my friends who I'd went to school with.

So me and my friend were sitting together, only two girls at the party, and all the other guys in the room were taunting us with 'you should kiss'. Now, I'm in no way a believer of this kind of thing. But my drunken self saw this as an opportunity to get back at my ex for hurting me like he did.

So we kissed like very briefly, maybe 3-4 seconds and my ex walked in and got extremely annoyed. As I had hoped at that time.

However a now more mature me, who is t-total and settled in another relationship with no contact with my ex still feels extreme regret and shame about what I did. Especially when my motives were as sour as they were. The thought still haunts me, because I stand for the exact opposite of everything I did.

I mean seriously, will I ever lay this to rest? I'm so ashamed.

Thoughts?