Search Results: leaving an abusive relationship

I've been with my man for a long time now and I'm getting pretty sick of strangers (and even friends and family) thinking that I'm in an abusive relationship... but what if they're right? This is what bugs me.
I've had people come up to me out of the blue and hand me pamphlets about domestic violence. They take one look at me and my man and think the worst. Sure, he's big and mean-looking but he's a good person 99% of the time. Only rarely does he behave any different to me.
He's never hit me, I want to make that clear right away. However, he has effectively isolated me from my friends and family (he hates almost everyone - even his own family) and that's supposed to be a sign of abuse.
Three years ago we were doing badly, fighting all the time, and I told him I was going to leave. He grabbed me by the collar and said, "You're crazy if you think you're going to walk out on me. I'll never let you do that." He then proceeded to tell me how he would make sure he'd have me declared an unfit mother and that I'd never see our kids again. His family has ties to the local police department (and they've suceeded in taking two of his sister's kids away from her) so I got scared and backed off even though I had every intention of leaving with my kids that same night.
Since then he has apologized and told me that he was just scared of losing me and the kids and didn't mean a word of it. I'm still pissed off about it but I've tried to let it go.
Now his friend has developed what my guy thinks is an 'inappropriate' interest in me and told me that if I ever screw around he'll kill his friend and... but he trailed off there.
I'm confused. I love my guy but the second he feels like our relationship is in danger he becomes unpredictable and frightening. I know this isn't normal but I don't know if it qualifies as abuse either.
Just curious to know what other people think. I've been abused before (physically, sexually and emotionally) and I don't know what's normal and what isn't.

I met this guy about 5 years ago. We met as co workers, became friends, at first because we were both dealing with the same issues in our lives. After, we found we connected, had similar interests and it progressed into a very close friendship. I was in an abusive relationship, and as the violence got continually worse, i turned to him more and more for comfort. During this time, he developed feelings for me. Looking back, im not so sure i felt the same... lets just say my mind was clouded... and i felt safe with him... but i believed i was starting to catch feelings at the time. I do know for a fact i could trust him, he went to great lengths to ensure my happiness and well being, to the point of allowing himself to go without things he needed to meet my needs. We fell off after he literally attacked my then partner one day when he witnessed the abuse. I stayed with my abuser, and my friend became desperate... to the point of acting crazy, constant calls, showing up at all hours proclaiming his love, even trying to stop me from leaving his house at times. I cut him off and didn't speak to him for over a year. I finally left my abusive partner four months ago and relocated. Im single and trying to work on my life. I recently got back in touch with my friend on Facebook. We talked for a couple months, and forgetting or minimizing his past clingy behaviors, agreed to let him come visit me. He stayed for a week. I've repeatedly told him im not ready for a relationship and he claimed to understand, saying trust issues are understandable and he would wait as long as it took, still loves me, etc.. however. i do have feelings for him, but he began talking of spending forever with me, making me feel pressured. I also found out he slept with someone after claiming he would wait for me.. citing his own trust issues. He is too emotional and insecure.. saying he can't live without me, even pushing to live together! so I made him leave. What do i do now?

I did this with my ex who cheated on me; I told her he was just using her for sex as a rebound and indeed he was. He left her within a week after he'd slept with her.

I haven't felt the need with my abusive ex because he hasn't had a girlfriend since me but I'm pretty sure I would. I did worry about it not long after leaving him. I really didn't want another girl to get as fucked up and heart broken as I did.

If you have told your ex's new partner, what happened and how did they take it? Did they not believe you or consider what you were saying?