Search Results: what to call a penis

Met this guy 2 days ago & we really made a connection. Have been talking heaps on phone & laughing. Haven't been on a date yet due to work schedules but he wants to meet.
He has a bit of a dark sense of humour which is fine but last night he sent this & I woke up to it this morning:

I am now home, & kids are in bed. I know it's a school night for you, so you could be in bed. I'm boiling the kettle now to make myself a cup of tea ( that's what old people do, don't they?). If you feel like chatting I'm available, have transferred all phone sex calls so that I won't be receiving any.

It's been 5 minutes, and I have had no response from you.

Welcome now to the adventurous mind of Matt. You haven't responded to me because -
1. Your asleep ( boring )
2. Your daughter is being difficult (boring, but necessary I suppose)
3. You have decided that a 6'3", 100kg (yes I am, I think?) deep voiced man with a 3 inch penis with a bend isn't for you and your ignoring me (possible)
4. Your in the shower washing your body slowly with soap and bubbles, paying special attention to ALL the beautiful curves that you have been blessed with ( give me a moment... ok, I'm good now ).
5. Your out of the shower, standing in front of the mirror now, drying yourself with a very small towel. # Please refer to previous (4.) for remaining dialog#
6. Your having a bath... # Please refer to 4 & 5 and have a stab at what I would get you to refer to!
7. Your asleep, but in silk sheets, naked. ( works better in my head!)
8. Your out with your boyfriend
9. Your out with your girlfriend. # Only in my head of course, but if you could also add points 4, 5 & 6 to this one and just replace 'your' with 'we'.
10. Throwing a sicky tomorrow and your driving to my place now.
11. You have a double life as a secret agent and your out fighting the Chinese gangs that own the Gold Coast.
12. Your an employee working at a Russian call centre for 'bumble' and it's shift change!

Ok, I'm done now. Goodnight.