Search Results: being comfortable with myself

My boyfriend hates the way I talk sometimes. When I begin to feel more comfortable with him or am being vulnerable, my voice tends to get higher and he hates it. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until he asks me to stop doing it. My voice changes depending on what I’m feeling but I’ve been doing it since way before I met him. I feel like it’s just how I express myself so how can he dislike it if he loves me…

I've been seeing a gentleman for a few months now. He's everything I've been seeking in a man; smart, dependable, ambitious, and sweet. He's good at making conversation, but I'm unsure of the chemistry between us. The silences feel more awkward than comfortable (from my perspective, anyway) and while his bear hugs are great, it doesn't feel intimate in the same way it did with past boyfriends. I still don't feel totally comfortable with initiating touching or kissing, despite his encouragement. I find myself anxious if I'm being weird or awkward, he insists I am neither.
Something just feels off, and I don't know what it is! I have experienced abusive relationships in the past, so I wonder if my emotional programming doesn't know what to do with his kindness or it's a chemistry issue. I know I tend to be attracted to narcissistic men (outwardly & socially confident, internally insecure), which he is not (very internally secure & stable), is that why it feels wrong?
He's just so perfect for me, why doesn't it feel "right"?

I’ve been on and off the dating apps for years. I’ve been on bumble for about two weeks. While I get matches, guys stop replying to messages early on or the convo just dies out naturally. (F 27), I’ve just never gotten dates easy like other women I know. I’ve been told I’m picky but everyone should be selective to some degree. I wonder if I really want a relationship, considering I don’t really have desire to have sex. I haven’t had sex in three years and don’t care if I never have it again. When I get messages on dating apps and convos seem to go well early on, I get discouraged as soon as the conversation fades. I feel forced then to try matching with more guys. And knowing that being with someone long term means eventually having to live with them and get more comfortable/do gross things in front of each other also turns me off… I go through periods where I want a relationship then I get turned off or bored, I get annoyed when I don’t get as much attention