There are many guides on how to get a girl, so many dudes get wrapped up into it all and wind up hurt because they couldn't get her, but let me explain a few things.
*Also if you're looking for a guide on how to just pick up girls at a bar and bring them back to your hotel room to fuck, this myTake isn't for you. That's a Hollywood fantasy, believe me most guys aren't capable of doing that.
1. There is no one size fits all solution
Women are people, everyone is unique. Different personalities, interests, opinions, comfort levels, types, etc. If you want to get a girl, abandon the idea that there's something you can do, or say, or a way to carry yourself to make any woman instantly like you. There are guys seemingly like that but that's because they're typically very good looking and charismatic with a certain je ne sais qois that interests a lot of women, if you're reading this chances are that isn't you and more than likely that'll never be you. That's okay, you don't have to be some master girl whisper to find a date, and honestly that life isn't fulfilling any way. The girls that typically flock to that guy that seemingly gets all the girls usually aren't worth your time, because the reality of it is, that guy doesn't actually get EVERY girl, just the easy ones with little to offer.
A high quality girl isn't easy to pull, I've dealt with enough bisexual white girls with daddy issues and mental health problems that go "Ooo a guy that's gentle" to know that they only want that serotonin and dopamine boost and don't take things seriously, they're immature, WILL break your heart, and you'll feel like an idiot and become bitter over that. Don't waste your time over desperation, it's not worth it
2. Relax
I get it, you're anxious to find someone. You may feel super lonely, depressed even, hoping that getting a girlfriend will turn things around. *A quick tangent, never rely on someone else's involvement in your life to keep you happy, it's toxic. In the same veil as using drugs to numb the pain, you'd be using the dopamine response from being with them to do the same exact thing. You may think you're unhappy because you're alone, I promise you, you're not. Dig deeper and get to the root of the problem, don't try to put a band-aid on a bullet hole, it only make things worse.*
I digress, take things slow. Women can be easily spooked. There's a phrase, "treat her like a celebrity, and she'll treat you like a fan" the actual reality of the situation is however, "treat her like a celebrity, and she'll treat you like the paparazzi". She doesn't see you as beneath her for buying her stuff and giving her constant compliments. What actually happened is you probably made her uncomfortable and she doesn't want to flat out tell you that. Most guys haven't had a girl he wasn't interested in aggressively pursue them, but believe me, it's not fun. "Oh you're lucky, I wish a girl would be like that with me." The grass is always greener on the other side they say. As someone who has been exposed to predatory women, unwanted nudes, sexual comments, sexual assault, stalking, etc. It's scary. Yes even for a 240lb dude like myself, it's not a pleasant experience. Things have to progress naturally, don't assume that you can just throw yourself at her and she'll want you.
*Another tangent. Here's the kicker, not every girl (and I'd go to say as much as most don't actually) wants a dude that'll blow all his money on her in this day and age. Are there girls like that? Absolutely, and they are normally bitter women on an ego trip looking to hurt men and they couldn't care less how good of a guy you are. To them you're an easy target and even though you're good hearted and just want to treat her right, she doesn't care, she's just out to soothe her own hatred and will take it out on any man, don't waste your time on girls like that. There are plenty of girls out there, don't get FOMO because you rejected a cute girl because you saw red flags, trust your gut. The right one will come*
3. The friendzone doesn't exist
This is another concept that pisses me off but I understand the confusion. It really stems from women not being direct. I notice a lot of women aren't good at rejecting people, either they'll be insanely blunt and rude OR they'll flat out lie and not give the real reason. "I don't want to ruin our friendship." 9/10 times that is a lie, it's simply a way of sparing your feelings. What it really means is there is something causing her to not be interested in you. It could be a plethora of things, your looks, your personality, your style, your friends, something you did that turned her off, a bad first impression, the possibilities are endless. Women are fickle, hell sometimes she'll reject you and it won't even actually be your fault, she could have her own insecurities and simply just won't want to date but if she gives you the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line, chances are there's something she dislikes about you that's enough to be a deal breaker but not enough to be a friendship ender. It's okay like I said, never develop FOMO over another human being. If she doesn't want you, respect that and move on. In the end it's in the best interest for both of you.
Another thing is, never fear being friends with a girl. Girls are fun, I've learned that if a girl has the capacity to like you, given enough time she eventually will. Of all the relationships I've had, most have stemmed from a friendship blossoming into something more. I'm not really the type to go picking up girls at a bar, or setting up hook ups on Tinder. I have before but I guess being demiromantic and somewhat demisexual just changed my perspective but it's one that helped me realize that a life like that soon feels empty, and it quickly becomes an addiction instead of just having fun, to where you're doing it not because you're horny, but because you feel compelled. Find someone you truly want to be with, enjoy that, I noticed so many guys want to be these fuckboy pick up artists for the same reason many girls want to be the gold diggers playing men, because they had been made to feel inadequate. Don't fall down the pit, it's a hard one to get out of
4. So how do you do it?
Well like I said in bullet 3, just get to know her, in bullet 2, I said relax. You don't need to rush, you're not going to die if you're single, just wait for things to happen naturally. Girls tend to be more cautious, they need more time to decide if they want this, but trying to force them will almost always guarantee that she'll decide that she doesn't. Hang out with her, be her friend, you don't have to pay for all her meals and buy her random presents and stuff, it'll make her feel like you're coming on a bit too strong. Just focus on having fun, when you feel like she trusts you enough, be a little flirty. Don't be aggressive with it but just enough to establish that you're not just a friend. Let things develop over time and see how it goes. If something comes of it, great! If not, don't worry about it. Just look elsewhere. If you're finding that you're having no results, it might be time for an introspective look. For women to be attracted to you, you have to be attractive in some manner. No it doesn't have to be all about looks and money. A good personality goes a long way. Do women care about looks? Absolutely more so than they let on, but it's similar to how people say guys don't care about personality but we actually do, it's just the way our brains work is different.
A guy will see a girl he finds attractive, give her a chance and then determine after the fact whether or not her personality is worth it assuming she didn't give off crazy red flags from the start. A girl will take looks into consideration but then will look to other things before making a choice about giving the guy a chance, it's simply just a difference in the order in which people feel comfortable but I think both men and women can agree that a good personality makes the person seem much more attractive.
That's where you need to start thinking, of you have no luck, start seeing how you can make yourself more appealing, a better hair cut, be more out going, etc. but always remember change because YOU want to, never change for someone else.
5. Conclusion
It's really not difficult when you're willing to be patient, good things come to those who wait and it's really not as difficult as you think when you can look at things from the other side. No, you don't need to be 6 foot, make 6 figures, and have a 6 pack to find a girlfriend, but I'll tell you if you walk around with that mindset and think all women are shallow for it, bullet 3, women can sense that and they'll avoid you for it. Women really aren't all that different from men. You want a woman who you're attracted to and enjoy her personality, they want the same. You have your deal breakers, things that are instant turn offs, so do they. Don't over think it
TL;DR: Just take it slow, put your best foot forward, it doesn't work out, just move on and you'll be happy in the end
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Nicely thought out combined with real life. Good Take.
I think I'll be single for the rest of my life. It was easier when I was younger with far less rules and BS. Don't get me wrong, a lot of what you said makes good sense, and some I have already done, but I don't think I care anymore.
I'm just here to talk and help where I can. Then why did I read your post? Just to see what you had to say.
Well this actually wasn't that bad!