Things Women Should Realize About Dating and Men

Anonymous

Introduction

In western society, there are still very distinct gender roles in dating and trends that will continue for the foreseeable future. No matter what people say, men and women are different. We think differently, we see things differently and we do things differently. This take is meant to shed some light on things women should know and take into account when dating or pursuing a man.

*quick note, I know there will be that person in the comments saying that this isn't true for everyone. I know this, but these are trends that are common with the majority of men, take this advice as you like*

Things Women Should Realize About Dating and Men

Men have the ability to separate sex and feelings

This has caused many women I know much grief in their lives. They try to look through men's eyes with a woman's perspective. You simply cannot. A man can find you attractive and funny sure, but if there's no chemistry then he's not staying up at night wondering how to ask you out. Most men can have sex with a woman and not need to know her name. We don't really use sex as a way to bond, rather as something enjoyable and fun. If you're a woman and you're trying to use sex to keep a man you will almost ALWAYS fail.

Sometimes men don't even think they have a chance with you

This is extremely common for men, especially more reserved and shy men. You will read many questions on here asking why won't he ask me out? He knows I like him! The truth is, he might think he has no chance. A man might have asked a woman he deems comparable to you, and might have been rejected. Perhaps he thinks this will be the case for other women in this "league" and try to go after women that are less attractive for this reason.

We have a lot of pressure in the beginning stages

This ties into a common question "Why does he stop trying as hard?". I can tell you partially why. Women don't understand the pressure and risk it takes to successfully get a woman. Men drive and initiate the majority of relationships. We must approach, we must impress, we must pay for the date, we have to show we are worthy. A woman's shortlist of requirements aren't exactly short.

Things Women Should Realize About Dating and Men

We don't necessarily want the prettiest girl

This might be the most surprising thing on the list. Women assume we want the pornstar, or the model. In reality, we want a girl we deem pretty enough but brings meaning and stability in our lives. Many very pretty women are stressful, for many reasons. We want someone that matches our personality and brings us good emotions, not stress or annoyance. Keep in mind that most men still want a relatively pretty girl. Just enough where we get a good feeling looking at her and she makes us smile with her beauty. A man 9/10 will choose the cute girl that is fun and he's comfortable with than a gorgeous woman that is into him, but he's not comfortable with.

Men get insecure also

Some common things men get insecure about are: height, weight, muscles, income, status, sexual performance, hair, masculinity, skillsets, and athletic ability. Just to name a few. What makes it even more difficult is that a man's attractiveness depends highly on his confidence. He's expected to be confident 24/7. A woman's confidence isn't as important to their overall success in the dating world. Keep this in mind if he is hard to open up.

We have to go after what we want, it never lands in our laps

Unless you're in the top 5% of men, the smart business man who a killer physique, you will almost never land a date unless you put a lot of effort. Women don't actively pursue us because the don't need to. We have a lot of competition with other men. We have to get out there and show our charm, look our best, and even that isn't usually enough. I find that women struggle to understand this hardship. Most men will NEVER get the feeling of being desired like a woman does. It's no ones fault, and it's not a complaint, just show some sympathy. Sometimes men get upset simply because they're frustrated, not necessarily because they're bad people.

Things Women Should Realize About Dating and Men
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Most Helpful Guy

  • ManOnFire
    I absolutely agree with everything on this Take except some of the last segment. And the part about not always wanting a beautiful woman is exactly what I was saying in my own new Take about that. It's very true.

    As for your last segment, some of it is true, and honestly I think that women enjoy how much that bothers guys. It kinda feeds their ego.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • MelaninDoll
    This is a Mytake about men and things women should realize about dating some men. It's like anytime a males hardships come up Women always have to bring up their's to compare "well women go through this and that" like fucking chill it's not a fucking competition this is about males. News flash bitch the world doesn't revolve around females.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Thank you for realizing this, especially at your age. Very mature

    • Thank you :)

    • FatherJack

      I second that !! You are the same age as my son , yet more mature than a lot of women more than twice your age.. that SHOULD know better !

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

2832
  • Logorithim
    Very good Take. I agree with all points wholeheartedly.
  • ChronicThinker
    Bravo, so true.
    • Anonymous

      Thank you

  • effyourfeelings
    "Men have the ability to separate sex and feelings"
    So I can. A lot of other women can too but there are a lot of women who just prefer having sex with men they already have feelings for.

    "Sometimes men don't even think they have a chance with you"
    Sometimes. It's good that you used "sometimes" because men tend to be more optimistic with who they think they have a chance with. By the way, women (and men for that matter) don't want to date someone below their league. People tend to aim for people who are on the same level or levels above them.

    "We have a lot of pressure in the beginning stages"
    We all are somehow pressured in the beginning stages.

    "We don't necessarily want the prettiest girl"
    Only stupid girls think men would only settle for the prettiest girl. The prettiest girl doesn't want ugly and average guys. Not everyone can get with the prettiest person.

    "Men get insecure also"
    Thank you for admitting that. Men usually don't admit to this. A man's attractiveness doesn't only depend on his confidence. If a man is truly confident, then there is a good reason why he's confident. If a man is a ugly, broke loser then that means he has nothing to be confident about. I can literally destroy a person with fake confidence and false self image.

    "We have to go after what we want, it never lands in our laps"
    Doesn't every normal person have to go after what they want because it won't be handed to them easily? It's true that many women don't make the first move, but they generally do try hard to make themselves look available and interact with men. If a man doesn't feel desired by his wife, after a relationship has been established, then there's something wrong.
    • Anonymous

      I won't touch on every point, but more woman than men catch feelings during intimacy. Men can fake intimacy for sex. Women don't really fake intimacy to get sex.

      Men don't tend to be more optimistic than what they think they can get. They might take a chance but they know she's out of his league. Women will sleep with a man out of her league and she thinks she stands a chance of anything more. It really kills their ego.

      Men have much more pressure in the beginning stages of dating especially, but it tends to even out more towards later stages.

    • " It's true that many women don't make the first move, but they generally do try hard to make themselves look available and interact with men. "

      As if thats anywhere close to approaching.
      Its not even in the same league.
      Its not even in the same game...

      If you are gonna do a rebuttal you should do it better than this, this is just lame and shows that you dont understand men's struggles at all and on top of it are ignorant of it.

    • Show All
  • Hulkette86
    I feel like this is accurate. Men do have a hard time if they're not super extra confident. Men are assumed to do all these things. I can only imagine how stressful that must be.
    • Anonymous

      Thank you for being understanding, rather than argumentative

    • Hulkette86

      Sure thing. I'm sorry some females take these types of things the wrong way

  • Shadow44
    Any average looking girl with an awesome personality is way better than a woman with the body and face of a sex goddess with a shitty personality. Also a girl who's pleasant to be around no matter how physically attractive she is is better than one who isn't as pleasant to be around.

    To add to your second one. If the guy is shy and he's ask out woman who've been flirty, flirt just because they like the attention or flirted with him to lead him on and use him (which a lot of women do), then he's less likely to act on signals of flirting when a woman does flirt with him. He's more likely to doubt he's attractive to her, and less likely to ask her out.

    Also can't stress the last point enough. We may not approach based off being impressed. We may approach if you're cute or display a personality trait we like or interest we have in common. We're not looking for someone that absolutely knocks us out of the park, we want someone we click well with because that will be the woman we love, not the one who's an expert in many things and is making a million dollars a year.
  • Cosytoasty
    One question for such men though, why do they/you place so much emphasis on having a woman in their lives to be happy? The huge irony is girls are drawn to men who are quite steadfast and do their own thing, not the clingy simp who is “always there for them”. Be your own man and the best at everything YOU want to be, girls will naturally follow.
  • Astoriana
    Full of trite nonsense and stereotypical assumptions.

    1/10

    Time could be better served watching an episode of Friends.
    • MrMAC777

      So why is it nonsense? Your review is a 0/10 without some sort of argument.

    • Astoriana

      @MrMAC777 he doesn’t present any real argument either. Just a bunch of tired truisms. I was hoping for even some pseudoscience about how men were hunters and that means they’re killers or some other hokum but nah. There’s nothing that Cosmo and/or Men’s Health haven’t vomited up twice a month for the past 35 years.

    • MrMAC777

      Fair enough! Now I give your review 9/10 haha. But you're right it is a tad regurgitated.

    • Show All
  • CubsterShura
    "We must approach, we must impress, we must pay for the date, we have to show we are worthy."

    I do agree, you must impress. But here is the fact, when you approach a woman it's because you are impressed as well. Showing that you are worthy, again, something that both genders have to do. My partner wouldn't stay with me if he thinks that I'm not worthy enough.

    If you're talking about money, then yes men do have to earn enough to be able to sustain themselves and their families, because women are traditionally free of any financial obligations.

    I understand that guys have greater pressure because of traditional roles, and it has to change. I really hope it changes. It won't happen overnight, but maybe after some generations...

    "We don't necessarily want the prettiest girl" that's a lie for most. I mean, my own ex used to compare my appearance with a girl to the point that I was hella insecure about my looks for another year and half since we broke up. But yes beauty is subjective and you might find a girl very beautiful when others rate her average.
    • "That's a lie for most" not really no. We dont want to date the super hot model or the stunning pornstar because, as stated in the take, people with that game and money have stressful lives and personalities that are hard to admire or live with. I've seen countless of hot women, but the ones I've dated were funny and interesting to be around. Looks matter, it's a fact of biology, but lifestyle and personality make an ENORMOUS impact on many men's feelings toward a woman.

    • @Justanothernerd2012 I wish you could represent the majority of guys... you don't.

    • BriMaan

      Actually "traditional roles" are biological traits in action, so no that will never change.
      Men and women, more often than not, choose people that they connect with on a personal level over technical beauty, physical attraction is a precursor of course, but that happens with average looking people too.
      it's hard these days to remember or even fathom that men and women are biologically different, and their thinking is different.

    • Show All
  • llPurpleSkittlesll
    I've been doing this all wrong. I didn't realize that guys are not automatically confident like you said. The reason why I didn't pursue a guy was that I did not want to seem desperate; I thought the guy had to make a move. I feel really bad because I missed out on a lot of opportunities with guys. I do have a question though. I told a guy I liked him (we are friends) back in January in a note. He didn't talk to me for a week and then we are talking again as friends. If he knows I like him why does he flirt with me one day then avoids me the next? Is there something I am doing wrong?
    • Anonymous

      Perhaps he doesn't like you back

    • that could be a possibility. It's just he gets all shy and shit around me and I feel like i did something wrong.

    • Anonymous

      You probably did nothing wrong, he just wasn't into you.

    • Show All
  • MlleCake
    I think you give some good insights here, but I think you also don't realize how much of this is a choice men make, and not just something biological.

    I want to talk about the sex without feelings thing. Men ARE having feelings. So let's say what we're talking about is that sex may not make a man fall in love. That is a fair thing to say, but then what is happening when a man is sleeping with a woman for a while and still not loving her? (6 mos in, or a year?) Is it still so wrong for the woman to want to be loved in a situation like that? Is it wrong to see a man as withholding at that point? These are legit questions I think. Is sex without (eventual) love even a positive thing? (I'm not speaking of the sex early in a relationship where people wouldn't be expected to have developed deep feelings yet.)

    None of this is to say women don't also make negative choices, but this take wasn't about women.
    • When a man is having sex with a woman for 6 months and not loving her that means he isn't interested in her.

      Basically she is just the easiest and cleanest option for him to get some. So he feels like he has got a good thing going on.
      Maybe its temporary or maybe he doesn't want a relationship.

      I think op is right, and what he wants women to understand is that sex won't make a man fall in love with you. If he was with you for 6 months then it was the other things during those 6 months. That made him fall in love (or not).

      So, the point is that, if you dont want to end up in that situation, wait sometime before having sex.
      Its easier to tell if he has genuine feelings for you

    • Anonymous

      I can't even argue that the sex without emotion is a good or bad thing. I just stated a fact

    • MlleCake

      Yeah, but why should women have to delay sex they desire to make sure a man is not lying to her? Why is it just to be expected that men will have sex with women they don't like?

      I mean, I think a lot of women do know this happens, but it's not really a defensible behavior, is it? If we knew you didn't like us, we'd probably make the choice not to sleep with you in the first place. But men are so motivated by sex and sexual conquest that they will lie about how they actually feel about a woman - I see that as a problem men need to work on.

    • Show All
  • lilaqua
    1 is such bullshit Of course women can separate love and sex, hell I didn’t realise you can join the two together until my current relationship. I generally find that whilst I stay unnattrached, some dudes that I slept with develop and emotional connection really quickly.
    Also I’m starting to wonder about number 6. Maybe I only hang out with the top 5% of dudes but they have a much easier time getting women than I or my female friends do men. Guys really rarely approach me or try anything, maybe I’m just off putting I don’t know, but that experience doesn’t happen to me.
    • Anonymous

      You didn't read my note did you? And yes it's true, only a small percentage of men get women without effort

    • lilaqua

      It’s a little more significant than that. If girls couldn’t separate sex and love how to heterosexuals have one night stands? It just doesn’t make sense to me. I think a lot of confusion comes when one person first falls in love then has sex, but if they’ve never met or it means nothing then feelings don’t just sprout out of nowhere. Well the 5% is looking a lot more like 25% everyday.

    • Anonymous

      Men would be thrilled if it was 25%. Even somewhat above average or even moderately handsome men don't get that. Some women can separate sex and love, but it's a much lower percentage than men.

    • Show All
  • bacca400
    I don't necessarily accept all gender roles. If she won't pay for a date, that means she probably will never make much of an effort in LTR. And if she's just a plain selfish cheapskate, that won't work for me either.

    Since I didn't settle, I found a person who does sort of spoil me. But I have many other assets to offer her also.
  • Pamina
    Women can separate sex and feelings too. I can't believe people still think that's only a male thing.
    • People don't believe it's a female thing too because of all the evidence to the contrary; admittedly most of it anecdotal, but still. I have yet to meet a girl, in the nine girls I've had some kind of physical/sexual relations with, who could separate feelings from sex. Maybe I just have a strange track record? But judging that in conjunction with almost everything you read and hear online, I think not. Every one of them wanted a relationship.

    • And almost everything you see on this site and others (almost everything, not everything... but almost everything) alludes to girls wanting relationships, period. "Something more." Marriage. Not just casual sex. And yet in the next breath they blame "society" for sexual repression, or some nonsense, even though sex isn't exactly repressed in America since people fuck around all the time.

    • Pamina

      "Maybe I just have a strange track record?"

      There you go.

    • Show All
  • Browneye57
    Reasonable. The burden of performance is on the man.

    And no, he doesn't have all the feelings and emotions that women do. That's not to say he doesn't have feelings, it's just different. Women look to men to be their emotional rock. Someone she can depend on in her emotional storms. And anyway, she really doesn't want him breaking down in tears every time she does, right? :)
  • demonics
    "He knows I like him!"

    https://i.imgflip.com/p3uc2.jpg
  • lord_chilled
    I know a guy who has done it with more than 80 chicks now.

    Short, skinny dude.
    Looks like a high testosterone male tough.
    Looks definitely above average.

    Of all his conquests, never did he have one that "conquered him".
    Vasically he went after all the girls.

    Getting women truly is an art, but there are no freebies.
  • englisc
    All true. I notice that many women say that they don't initiate because the few men they tried that with weren't into and it was awkward. They say it as though it's somehow different for men.

    When you're the one approaching and pursuing, the only way to tell whether someone is interested or not is to make that approach and see whether they show interest back or reject you. People don't often show signs of interest before you approach them, so you end up approaching a lot of people who just aren't interested.

    Instead women are used to having guys initiate with them and then picking from those who are already interested. So when they go into the approaching and see the other side they think that it doesn't work because they're women, and that that's why it's awkward when it isn't. As men we just have to deal with that awkwardness and rejection, maybe even rude reactions sometimes, grow a thick skin and carry on or else we get nowhere.
    • camera1015

      You're right that it's important to grow a thick skin and that often "the only way to tell whether someone is interested or not is to make that approach." I don't get why people think awkwardness and initial rejection are such a big deal. Sure, every rejection stings, but in retrospect I don't really care about my failures. I've had a guy straight-up say "ewwww" when I asked him to come back to my place, and I've had a girl tell me I was being a selfish asshole when I asked to kiss her, but now both of those incidents are more amusing than hurtful. And it's no skin off my nose. I'm successful more often than not.

    • englisc

      @camera1015

      Yeah, I've no idea how many times I've been rejected. Some have been pretty harsh but I don't remember them, only the ones that were successful.

  • LittleSally
    Your take is more or less something everyone should know. And if they read it, they'll be better for it.

    That being said - your last point doesn't make sense to me because I know so many women, myself included, who feel the exact same way, they just aren't taking it out on men online like men are on women...
    In my world - in my country even, women don't have it easier than men.

    I can definitely agree with your 4th point - it goes for a LOT of women too... Yes we're different, but we don't want such different things in the end.

    All in all - making it not so divisive, more acceptance and understanding usually goes a long way.
    • Belgie

      Yes people should know this stuff, but there are still a surprising number of women who don't believe it and won't believe it.

    • demonics

      @Belgie But COSMO SAID!!!

  • Jon_25
    All if those made sense but the first one. I'm not sure what you mean by that one.
  • Felinegirl
    I feel like what you say about men is pretty accurate, but ironically what you say about how women think is quite stereotypical and not even always the norm.

    Women can separate sex from love as well. Most of us know we need other assets than just beauty. For as far as I know, we don't think guys are always confident. We also need to put in work and hardship if we want a relationship.

    Funnily enough, the 'top 5%' of guys that have what they want falling in their laps aren't usually those attractive businessmen. In my experience, the guys that are asked out by girls are the ones with many female friends, as they're more approachable (although this is never a 100% guarantee of course).

    But maybe my environment is different from yours as I'm not American
    • I have yet to meet a girl, in the nine girls I've had some kind of physical/sexual relations with, who could separate feelings from sex. Maybe I just have a strange track record? But judging that in conjunction with almost everything you read and hear online, I think not.

    • camera1015

      @Anon-ymous1 There's a large group of women you read about who routinely separate feelings from sex: prostitutes. Most women don't want to have casual sex because women tend to be socially punished for wanting casual sex, but that certainly doesn't mean it's impossible for women to have casual sex without emotional attachment.

    • @camera1015 Uhh... yes, sure, but I guess I don't understand why you're bringing that up at all. Surely you're not equating every girl who claims that she can separate feelings from sex with being a prostitute?

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  • UnstableCraft
    very accurate, I agree pretty much 100% on this one.
  • Max_winner1
    Women need to rethink in putting them selves in bad situation and confer the #metoo hashtag.
  • SovietBall
    I know it's totally off topic, but...

    I really thought that the guy was holding the stick shift instead o the girl's hand in one of the pictures!

    Is that a sign that I've lost hope in women?
  • TrellTheRadical
    All this is correct. Alas, I have given up searching, at 33, I've aged out of the market, and I dont make the cut for at least 99% of females.
  • Markfish
    Shows how much easier dating is for women, and how much more attracted to women men are.
  • Anon-ymous1
    Dude, truly excellent Take, and I agree with almost all of it. Well-said, and well thought-out. Detailed, but not too long.

    I only take issue with "We don't necessarily want the prettiest girl." I mean... most of us do want the prettiest girl. That's why we usually fear rejection so much, because we know she likely already has a boyfriend who is better-looking than us, so we don't even bother asking. We will often have feelings for a girl who isn't the prettiest, true, and even date her, but if a hotter/fitter/prettier girl magically just falls into our life and she's available and she starts paying attention to us? we suddenly gain a lot of interest in her. At the expense of the other. Not saying it's right or wrong, just how it is. And girls are like that too, really, if a George Clooney or a Ryan Gosling type starts hitting on them-- think they'll still like us mortals as much? Not likely.

    Anyway, mostly a really good Take. Thumbs up.
  • Liisjak
    With that kind of self-esteem, no wonder you're not getting dates.
  • ovoxo_
    Men worry about women too much. You shouldn't need to write a take like this.
  • WildButterfly
    This was enlightening. I'm so glad u wrote this.
  • Hurlyburly
    Nice take.
  • RedRobin
    Nice take
  • torken
    good take
  • Psycho21924
    nice take
  • bubble_tea
    Great take!
  • Tuliprose
    Well true all the things you said
  • larswisner
    very true
  • CoffeeWC
    Thank you sooooooo much for writing this
  • S_Rose
    Thank you for this :)
  • JubJub_Hi
    😌😌
  • LegateLanius
    Intriguing
  • flamephoenixvy
    nice take
  • Gregisthebest
    Wow I didn't realize some of this stuff
  • Nice222
    Good take.
  • CT_CD
    Nice take
  • foreignbaby
    hmm :)
  • Ressi
    dating
  • DanFlingwing
    nice take
  • Anonymous
    Dating is too easy for women.
    • Markfish

      True

    • Casual dating, yes.

      But actual, meaningful dating? No.

    • Anonymous

      @EnglishArtsteacher all forms of dating.

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  • Anonymous
    I recognize that you said this doesn't apply to everyone, but I feel like I have to point out how weird this seems from my perspective given that none of your characterizations of women apply to me...(1) I'm very capable of separating sex from feelings. I have hooked up with and/or dated 14 people, and I only got emotionally involved with 2 of those 14. (2) I have never tried to use sex to keep a partner, but multiple guys (and one girl - I'm bi) have tried to use sex to keep me. Spoiler: it didn't work, because I don't get emotionally bound by sex. (3) I definitely understand the risks and pressure involved in getting a woman. I've done it. For one girl, it took a lot of effort because she thought she was straight, but it still wasn't that hard. And I initiated things with 9 of the 12 guys I've been with. (I've also turned down at least 10 guys and 1 girl who approached me. I prefer making the approach myself, and I usually feel less comfortable when it's the other person initiating.) And I've also been rejected several times. It's not that traumatic. Honestly, I don't remember the rejections as much as the successes, but I think my success rate is >80% overall, ~50% when I hit on girls. (4) I've never assumed men want a model. I'm conventionally pretty but not model-level, and I have never doubted that I'm wanted. (5) Confidence is very important to a woman's success in the dating world, but in a different way from how it's important to men. Women who lack confidence often end up in toxic relationships or are unable to maintain LTRs. I would argue that being abused by a string of asshole boyfriends is a worse dating outcome than never getting a single date. And confidence is how women avoid those kinds of dating outcomes. (6) I do actively pursue men, and I've never been attracted to guys with a "killer physique" or businessmen. Mostly I hit on nerdy, techy guys who look a little bit androgynous (maybe I like the androgynous look because I'm bi).
    • Markfish

      All women are bisexual, most closer to being lesbian than straight.

    • BriMaan

      @Markfish
      Nope, not even close to being true.
      if you read the recent scientific study that made those claims I would like you to be aware of things called pseudoscience and there are so many studies out there saying things that are unimaginably ridiculous that have no actual scientific parameters or protocols in place.

  • Anonymous
    Some female GAG members are so predictably bitter and anti-male.

    @Astoriana

    • zagor

      Would you happen to be posting that down here because that snowflake blocked you?

    • Anonymous

      @zagor She hasn't blocked me, but I'm sure she would if I gave her the opportunity by not going anon. She is one of the 2 - 3 most bitterly anti-male GAG member ever, by far.

    • demonics

      She is not nearly attractive enough to make such a statement.

      Damn she blocked all of us? LOL!

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