Search Results: image in head

I have been thinking about this question for a while now. I was with him in class from the age of 10 until 15. I am now 18 years old and I still feel anger when I think about him. And I would really like to get rid of it. In order to understand my point of view I would like to explain what had happened.

I know that I do not have the right to complain. There are people out there who had to go through more serious stuff and it is crazy that I still think about it. This is also why I want a closure. First of all I am mixed with dark skin and curly hair. I grew up in Europe in a small town, where I obviously did not fit in. I didn't really notice that until he transferred...

The first thing that he did was call me names. The one that he used the most was the N-Word in our language. In our language it only has one meaning and he was fully aware of what it meant. I still have problems when people around me say it and in my head I see the image of him laughing and pointing at me. Then my heart starts to beat faster and I start to sweat. He also mad fun of my hair which is why never wore my hair open no matter how much it hurt. He also made fun of other parts of my budy but I will not further comment those, beacuse the other things didn't happen on a weekly base. When we went away on a excursion he and his friend used to flip a bottle and when it landed on me they would make noises and disgusted faces. There were of course more instances but i think those are enough.

I really hated him. I still do but there is one more thing that you need to know. Something that makes me hate myself even more than him: I kind of loved him. I had all the symptoms but i still denied it and lied to myself. I did everything to avoid him but since we were so diffrent our teachers always thought that it would be great if we worked in the same groupe. That was pure torture.

I think he still lives in my city. I have his number and if I were to text him id say that his actions had hurt me deeply...

About a year ago I met this guy and we never really talked to each other but he always acted strange.
Like one day my mom wrote my name and she said it and then he repeated it and when I answered him cause I thought he wanted something he just looked me in the eye for the longest time, so I just went back to doing what I was doing before. My mom also was talking about something I was doing and when he heard it he smiled.( which until that moment I never saw him smile.)

Another time I was playing the piano and no one was there and he shows up out of nowhere and stands behind me the whole time and didn't say a word, until finally someone called him and he left. Super awkward.
Then one day I was sitting behind him and he had his head turned to the side and he would watch me and every time I looked up he'd turn his head forward again.
Another time everywhere I went I would turn around and he was right behind me. He also was jut flat out staring and even when I turned around and he didn't stop. So recently I was sitting in front of him and someone said something that made everyone laugh except him of course and while everyone was laughing he looked at me and squinted his eyes, and whenever someone starts talking to me he stops whatever he's doing and listens.
He was also eavesdropping on a conversation I was having with my friend and when he heard me say the place where I wanted to live he raised his eyebrows. Nice thing about him though is he defended me when this guy kept picking on me. I haven't noticed this strange behavior of his with anyone else, and I can't really figure it out because he's a stone faced image all the time. Please help!!

So a year ago I met this guy and we never really talked to each other but he always acted strange. Like one day my mom wrote my name and she said it and then he repeated it and when I answered him cause I thought he wanted something he just looked me in the eye for the longest time, so I just went back to doing what I was doing before, my mom also was talking about something I was doing and when he heard it he smiled.( which until that moment I never saw him smile.) Another time I was playing the piano and no one was there and he shows up out of nowhere and stands behind me the whole time and didn't say a word, until finally someone called him and he left. Super awkward.
Then one day I was sitting behind him and he had his head turned to the side and and watch me and every time I looked up he'd turn his head forward again. Another time everywhere I went I would turn around and he was right behind me. He also was jut flat out staring and even when I turned around and he didn't stop. So recently I was sitting in front of him and someone said something that made everyone laugh except him of course and while everyone was laughing he looked at me and squinted his eyes, and whenever someone starts talking to me he stops whatever he's doing and listens. He was also eavesdropping on a conversation I was having with my friend and when he heard me say the place where I wanted to live he raised his eyebrows. Nice thing about him though is he defended me when this guy kept picking on me. I haven't noticed this strange behavior of his with anyone else, and I can't really figure it out because he's a stone faced image all the time. Please help!!