A few minutes ago, I learned that one of my fraternity brothers has suffered the tragic loss of his 18 year old daughter. I will not reveal any personal details because I greatly respect his privacy. The photo above is not his daughter; it is a photo that I found in a Google search. If you search for images of "teenager headstone," you will find thousands of photos. For this discussion, I will call my fraternity brother "Blake" and I will call his daughter "Marty" but those are not their names. None of the photographs in this myTake are photographs of the actual people or events described.
Marty had recently graduated from high school. She was a good girl but had some small amount of unresolved rebellion in her. Instead of going to college as her siblings had done, Marty moved away and was living hundreds of miles from home. After relocating, she had acquired one of those "bad boy" boyfriends that all the "good guys" complain about.
He is a 19 year old who has a hot temper with a short fuse. He made Marty feel excited and alive like she had never before felt. Because she was so far from home, Daddy had not met the latest "catch."
Last night, Marty was at a party at her boyfriend's home.
They argued about something. She walked out, headed towards her car, intending to go home. He chased after her and yelled out. She turned to respond to him.
That is when he pulled out a gun and shot her. A single gunshot wound to the chest. His aim was far better than his character and his bullet found its intended target. She fell to the ground with a shocked look on her face. This is not something that happens to a bright and beautiful young teen who has just left home and is establishing her own way in the world. Undoubtedly, in her few remaining seconds, she could not comprehend that was happening to her.
She took a few last gasps of air and then, at approximately 2 am, in the parking lot of her boyfriend's apartment complex, hundreds of miles from her loved ones, Marty died. She closed her eyes and left this world. She will never return. She will not laugh with her siblings, she will not rest her head on her Blake's shoulder, she will not ask her mom for advice about anything, she will not share a smile with anyone. There is no chance to say goodbye and of course there are many things that Marty and her parents could have said, should have said, but they thought there would be plenty of opportunities.
Her family is devastated. Understandably, Blake and his wife are inconsolable. Marty's siblings are in shock. Her extended family have rushed to be together at this time of loss.
A week from now, the funeral will be concluded, family members will have returned home, and father, mother, and siblings will begin to ask themselves a question which they won't be able to answer: how do I go forward with my life when every plan I ever made assumed that Marty would always be a part of my life.
If we could go back and talk to Marty at 1 am, we could ask her "You know, sometimes tragic things happen to people and they usually have no suspicion that anything is about to happen. Do you think anything like that could ever happen to you?" How would she respond? She would probably say, "Oh, no, that happens to people who are careless or stupid. I'm too smart for anything like that to happen to me."
If she had said that, Marty would have been half right. She was very smart. She was a bright girl. She could have easily gone to college but she didn't feel that she was ready for the challenge. She was an extremely cute girl and she thought she had the world in the palm of her hand.
If she had said that, Marty would also have been half wrong. Smart doesn't insulate you from experiencing tragic events. Smart doesn't prevent you from misjudging someone's character and it doesn't always give you good judgment when choosing your companions and acquaintances.
Last night, Marty's parents went to bed thinking that their world was just about perfect. Blake has a great job that he loves and it pays him well. They have a comfortable life. He and his wife have - they had - four attractive, bright, and very likable children who had all become young adults. They have a good extended family, live in a great community, and they have a good group of friends. Now . . . life will NEVER be the same. Never.
If you think nothing like this could happen to you . . . isn't that actually a rather arrogant thought? And why would anyone as smart as you want to take a chance with their life?
Be careful about the choices you make. That "bad boy" exciting boyfriend could be the last boyfriend you ever have. When you want to race your friend on that deserted stretch of road at 4 am, shouldn't you first ask yourself whether you are prepared to die?
If you drink three six-packs in an evening, what makes you think you can drive home without causing an accident?
Live your life as if your choices have consequences, because they do. They can have tragic consequences. Being careful doesn't mean that you will stop having fun. But being careless may mean that you stop having fun . . . you may stop tragically, stop permanently, stop forever.
Please!
(This post is not intended to be a vehicle for anyone to discuss gun control and I request that you not raise that issue in any response. As of this writing, I have only permanently blocked one user on this site. Mention gun control and you will be added to the list! Leave partisanship aside for once!)
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