Search Results: stuck in dreams

My (now ex) boyfriend and I dated for 18 months. It was a very serious relationship, we both loved each other dearly and wanted to one day marry but we are both quite insecure people. This ultimately led to the breakdown of the relationship 3/4 weeks ago. However, two weeks into the break-up, we decided we needed to sit down when I'm done with university exams and talk everything through so that we can potentially give things another go. When we spoke it was so lovely, we told each other how much we loved one another, how much we cared and that until we meet up and talk, we will stay committed.

He went to a work party last week, the night before my final exam, and said he'd be home at 11/11:30pm so that I wouldn't worry. We had been talking previously and it was all so positive, we were happy. I met up with him yesterday and he told me that he went home with a co-worker after the work party. They had sex but only for 30 seconds, he stopped it and went to sleep and at 5am he woke up to wish me luck on my exam while in the same bed as her. He also told me he went on two dates with girls from dating apps, one of the dates being two days after he had sex with his co-worker. He said nothing happened. I stuck to my word. I'm so in love with him that I couldn't even look at other guys. Does he not truly love me?

I told him my mum found out because I came home in tears and couldn't not say anything. Now he's blaming me that he had sex with that girl because the relationship made him so insecure and he won't be able to face my family. I said that I will forgive him and so will my mum, in time, if he fights for me and proves to me that he made a huge mistake but he'll do anything to be with me and make me smile. He replied saying he's tired of having to prove himself. He says I'm his dream woman so surely I'm worth the effort? Why is he backing out? It's so hard to let go because I love him more than anything. Am I an idiot for fighting for him and trying to make it work?

I had this dream of becoming a writer and directing my own little animated series. Since I don't have any money I realized that was just a fantasy that's never going to happen. There's too many other talented amazing people out there and my grammar sucks ass. So my dream of writing for animated firms is not only stupid, and pointless it's virtually impossible.

I feel retarded for even thinking that I could of had my own YouTube channel and gain supporters. I could try to live like a avenge Joe but even that's stupid/ impossible because I can't keep a job. I'm never going to hold down a job, I'm just going to be stuck living with my parents forever and I'm not going to do anything wroth mentioning at all.

My life has already ended years ago. I'm just going to die alone, unloved and eventually I'm going to be completely forgotten about. Majority of people forget about me anyway but I think that's a good thing that I can be forgotten about so fast. I like it. I always felt like I was a forgettable person anyway and I'll be out of sight, out of mind like I never was alive in the first place.