Maybe Having a Type is a Good Thing

I've always considered myself who didn't have a type. Not just so I didn't seem shallow but also because I honestly didn't feel like I had an obvious checklist of what someone I was looking for must have.

16. Is a firebreather
16. Is a firebreather

I've hated the idea of confining myself to a particular type of person. I fluctuate in interests frequently so what I liked a year or even a few weeks ago, may not be true today. Every guy (and girls) I've ever liked has been different from the last. I've liked tall guys, short guys, skinny guys, chubby guys. Light hair, dark hair, light skin, bluefish, redfish. But I will say, a lot of times they do have common personality traits, interests and mannerisms. I usually shoot for funny people, I take a lot of value in being able to laugh. I often struggle to manage relationships with people who don't make me laugh, this being said, I'm very easy to make laugh, so if they cannot do that, the simplest of tasks, I do not gain much from them. I also enjoy creatives. I'm an artist myself and people who cannot appreciate creativity and have a wide range of interests are boring.

However, lately, I've started to believe that maybe knowing exactly what you're looking for might be a great aid if you're hoping to be happy in a relationship, even if that includes appearance.

I spent my holiday weekend with my cousin her "boyfriend" (I don't know what they are) and his friends (another couple). I had never met him prior to this but I realized that maybe my cousin had it figured out. It had me thinking "where do I get one of those?", I won't go into details but he had a lot of characteristics that I always looked for and started to believe were just too good to be true to find all in one person, at least in the little town we live in. But she found one. And I don't even think she was looking. It made me kind of jealous, not necessarily for her boyfriend, but my own version of him.

4th of July at a
4th of July at a "cabin"

Then, last night I had a dream, that a guy at an ice cream shop scooped me way more ice cream than everyone else, like...5x more, and everyone there noticed, I was encouraged to talk to him by other restaurant goers. So I asked him for his Instagram (wow, social media even in dreams) and we chatted for a bit, only for him to unfollow me and stop responding overnight. Leaving me wondering if I should message him and ask him if I had done something wrong. I think this is one of my fears mostly, meeting someone, enjoying them, and then having them disappear. The reason this dream stuck out to me was that of how the guy looked. Now, they say our brains cannot create faces of people we have never seen before, but I did not know him, so he must have been a stranger. I liked this guy, why aren't I going for something I REALLY like. Maybe personality is NOT enough.

it was way bigger than this in my brain, also, more of a gelato.
it was way bigger than this in my brain, also, more of a gelato.

I mean, aren't you not supposed to judge a book by it's cover and get to know someone first? You can't help who you like but maybe being picky isn't a bad thing. In a relationship, the ultimate goal is to stay together. But I keep ending up in relationships where I realize...I don't even like him. Not like that anyway. No relationship is perfect but I feel like I always hit roadblocks I could have avoided if I noticed red flags from the beginning. Instead of hoping things will be better, just ditching it then and there. My best friend always did that, decided to "just be friends" with guys after only a date or two, because he just wasn't everything. I couldn't understand it until very recently.

Maybe, I'm not picky because I'm settling. Maybe I'm afraid of not being good enough for someone else. Maybe I think I'll find something really really good and get hurt. But isn't it a bigger waste of time to date someone who's just "pretty cool". I've never had hard feelings when I just wasn't someone's type. You're always ugly to someone, and that's okay. But why do I feel so bad about thinking that way about others?

I should pick people who I share more interests with rather than settling on, "well, we both like cats" or dating someone just because you aren't not attracted by them. Don't we deserve to feel butterflies when we see the person we like? I should want to talk to them all day, and I'd hope they'd feel the same way about me. Whether it's a real thing or not, aren't we supposed to find a "soulmate"? I'm pretty sure you're not going to find it in settling. Yes, I'm very young, but you have to start somewhere. I never want to put men, or relationships over myself, but isn't that exactly what I'm doing if I not going for what makes me happy?

okay, this but in your stomach
okay, this but in your stomach

It's probably not a good sign if you're dating someone and a friend asks you. "What do you like about them?" and you stall or give generic answers. If you constantly look at them and think, I wish they dressed a little differently. I wish they liked thriller movies. I wish they liked sports. One or two is okay, but understand, that if the list of wishes is getting longer, it is NOT going to get better. They don't have to have negative qualities for you to not like the qualtiies they have, they just don't suit your needs.

My conclusion, maybe it's okay to just go right for what I want. Not just looks, not just personality. If I know I like when guys have long hair, I should date a guy with long hair. If I know I like people who like art, I should be friends with people who like art. I'm not going to start excluding people because they don't fit the requirements of a fictional checklist (and I don't think you should either) but don't be afraid to turn someone down because they aren't what you're looking for.


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What Guys Said 20

  • So... Basically this is more about you forcin yoself to like people maybe kinda like.. I see.. I don't have a particularly type physically, anyways.. I can't put it in a defined box.. I just know that if a girl looks nice to me.. I wanna get to know her..

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  • I myself have a type I guess, I’m pretty sure nearly everyone has a type, for some people it’s just a phase, others simply find someone that they love who isn’t their type, and some do end up finding their type, I think there’s nothing wrong with it.

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  • 6d

    It's very good to have a type, but you need to make sure that you aren't knocking eligible guys out by having too strict an idea of what you want.

    Like one of the things I noticed recently is that there are a lot of conflicting things I'm looking for in a mate, and once I started writing everything that I wanted down, I realized that there just wasn't anyway I would ever realistically find my dream chick.

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  • Good points, Over time you do get a better, more defined idea of what you expect in a partner. Most of the Girls I dated in my 20s I wouldn't date today.

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  • It's just a crazy minority who think it's a bad thing. No sane person thinks having a type is a bad thing. If we found everyone attractive, it would not be special when we found someone we found really attractive.

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  • Good my take
    after a while I also noticed I had a type.

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  • You are right, people you meet and fall For, should always surprise you, ticking boxes of a list is tedious. Do you check this list everytime you argue. Is it a way to reaffirm your choices when your unsure about your future with a guy.

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  • I have a few types: a brunette type, a couple of blonde types, a black type, and a ginger type. And yes, I find others who aren't my type attractive.

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  • This is why people need to date their friends, or more specifically, find someone who you can be friends with and then move forward with that relationship in a more meaningful way.

    I was looking and rarely found one. Whenever I did find one, they broke my heart. When I stopped looking and just went with the flow of water, nothing. I'm alone and I'm sad that I'm alone. I'm 22 and have never truly had a real relationship. It hurts me. It hurts that I feel so insignificant and unwanted. Sometimes it gets to me and I fall into depression. We as people need love, we need emotional satisfaction and we need a partner. It's hardwired in us.

    Nothing wrong with liking what you like. Don't lower your standards.

    Who said you can't form faces in your dreams of people you haven't met? We do it all the time. That old saying is a myth.

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  • Not really. My type up to now has turned out to be crazy narcissists or broken people.

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  • It's possible for people to NOT fit into any particular category. Obviously a minority opinion.

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  • i don't get why it matters. it's a bit PC thats all.

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  • i’m every girls type 😉

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  • You can't not have a type actually

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  • Interesting perspective...

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  • Interesting

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  • Knew it already

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  • 7d

    Maybe

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  • Great take thanks for sharing

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  • tell me then

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What Girls Said 12

  • It is not really okay to just be like, I'll only be with this type of people or else nobody.

    Of course we all naturally have some preference and like certain traits in people and we are more attracted to them. But it doesn't mean that one cannot be open to other people as well! Cause the person who ends up being 'the one' could be nothing like you ever imagined that you would be with. And it's okay. 😊

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  • I don't think so for myself personally I always go for the shy, quirky guys and I like really tall, skinny guy's with dark hair but I usually scared them off because they get to intimidated by me as I'm very shy as well

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  • nice... i am similar to you. i have never had a particular TYPE. all i have ever wanted in a guy is a good and caring personality.

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  • I don't have a physical type but I do when it comes to personality

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  • Personally I have a type but I still find guys who aren't my type attractive.

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  • Nice

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  • Interesting!

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  • I have always had a type.

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  • Nice

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  • I agree

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  • 7d

    i have a type

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  • perspective

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