Search Results: definition of love

I am a virgin and never dated, though i'm 20. long story doesn't really matter now. Anyhow i became acquainted with Toby 23 months ago. He asked me out but at the time i thought that meant sex i didn't realize you could just date and get to know each other, so i said no. We have spent a lot of time together bc of mutual friends. We have ended up around each other a lot and shared some personal moments before things got weird. After it became awkward i figured its bc he has feelings for me, OR bc he realizes i have feelings for him and is uncomfortable. I have not been able to talk about my interest bc my feelings are stronger than i want, and i was hoping they'd die down a bit then id ask him out casually. Im pretty much in love, i don' treally care about the precise definition, i just know id feel his absence profoundly and i can't befriends bc i am self conscious about how i feel. I guess if i thought he was ok with my feelings i could befriends but i might not like it.

Anyhow bc of how i feel i reject other guys but i have not done a thing about Toby. and i realize im stuck. I did not mean to halt anything but thats happened. I don't think id feel comfortable dating knowing how i feel knowing it might bother him, bc id feel pressured to hide or id be at the mercy of how he 'might' feel. i want to be in an honest situation esp since its my first experience. So, i will either just date other people, OR tell him how i feel and see if he wants to date. I don't really care about rejection bc i think it'd be better than this. I just know once i tell him ill most likely feel silly but not bc of rejection , but bc love is awkward. I think id feel worse dating others without him even knowing, bc if he did want me hed just feel like i dont care.