Search Results: what you would change about your partner

So, my girlfriend is pretty fucking annoying sometimes. I ask her when I end up getting a little annoyed, "Isn't there anything about me that annoys you?" She responds "no" every single time. I'm like, that doesn't make any sense. How can someone do nothing to annoy you ever? Bear in mind, we've been living together for 8 months. And even within that, she does not leave me alone for the barest of minutes, except when I'm brushing my teeth or taking a shower.

My thing is, look, I will try to be the best person I can be. And, sure, I will take some of your annoyances into account and think about changing that part of myself, so we can have a stronger and more stable relationship. I'm willing to go to those lengths, if it's stuff like "It annoys me when you cut me off," or, "It annoys me when you slam the doors at 3AM in the morning." Right? I mean, I don't think I'm asking for the impossible or asking her to fundamentally change "who she is". I'm just saying, "You know those parts of yourself that are narcissistic and douchebaggy? Could you... you know... work on those?"

That's not unreasonable, is it?

Young people like to intone things like "but he can change" when they are trying to justify staying with a bad partner. Yes, the statement is theoretically true. A bad partner is capable of changing their behavior and becoming a good partner. Let me give you another statement that is theoretically true: Martians might land in my backyard tonight. While that is theoretically true, I am not waiting up to offer them milk and cookies when they arrive. "Theoretically possible" doesn't count for much!

The sad truth is that, while almost everyone is CAPABLE of change, very few people ever make significant changes in their lives. I'm not talking about the small stuff, like "why do you always leave your socks in the middle of the bedroom floor?" I'm talking about people who have substance abuse problems, overwhelming insecurities and jealousies, pathological dependence upon their parents, etc. Why don't these people change? Because THEY DON"T WANT TO CHANGE! They are content, comfortable, satisfied, and otherwise feel cozy with acting the way they do now and they don't WANT to change.

Have you ever had a partner who made any significant changes in themselves to try to improve the relationship?

Would you rather be poor (never earning more than $30k a year), but extremely passionate, influential, and have millions of people gripped to the edge of their seat with every word you speak who moves people to change the world in the way you see fit? You're also unlikely to have a romantic partner, as well. Any kids you have will be raised by the other parent and not you.

Or a multi-millionaire celebrity who loses all your money three years before death and lives your final year of life in obscurity? No, you cannot leverage one position into the other or find any loopholes with it.

You meet a young adult East European medium. She tells you she'll read your fortune as a thanks for helping her out with something. She does and sees one of these things happening in your future. Which one are you most excited for?

A - The body you've always dreamed of having. This includes things you can't easily change as, such as your desired height, skin tone, and (if applicable) gender, as well as anything else.

B - Your dream career and living and working where that dream career can happen. Your salary/income might not be "ideal," but you'd likely not complain.

C - Your dream woman/guy. Your imagination's perfect partner within reason. They'll have just enough flaws for you to not get bored with them, but still otherwise be a 99% or more compatible match for you.

When I was a younger man, I frequently said that if I was not initially attracted to a woman, it would probably never happen and there was no sense in wasting time pursuing her as a romantic partner. That statement was true. It never did happen - not when I was younger - perhaps because I never gave an "unattractive" (unattractive to me) woman a chance.

In 2015, I started dating a woman who was a good match for me in many ways. She was a retired judge, obviously bright and articulate, and we had many other common interests. She also fit the "type" of woman who I usually pursue. She is petite, has dainty features, and she enjoys physical affection. I was very quickly attracted to her. We eventually had a sexual relationship that was very satisfying for both of us, but I broke up with her because she never fell in love with me as I fell for her.

Looking back on that relationship, I don't know why I was physically attracted to her. Most guys who met her would probably rate her as a 3/10, and so would I, but when I was dating her, I thought she was a 7/10 or 8/10. Maybe the years and experiences have changed me, or maybe I just developed the attraction because I gave her a chance.

Have you ever had that experience?