How do you find the motivation to try again when the person you gave your all to, played you?

Sometimes I wish I knew what it feels like to
blame myself for a relationship ending with CERTAINTY that I FUCKED UP. I wonder how it feels to get caught cheating or get caught lying. I wonder how it feels to be the girl who isn’t satisfied with her man so she just leaves. I wonder what it feels like to know I only deal with someone because they have money. Or I wonder what it’s like to be told “I feel like you don’t care about me because you keep hurting me with you behavior” only for me to promise to change and then turn around keep doing the same thing. Basically, I wonder what it feels like to be the heart breaker. Because I’m just used to being the one who gets hurt. And sometimes, I wish I could just pinpoint a specific thing that I did that I KNOW was wrong. I wish I could understand that feeling of being forgiven for shit I never should have done in the first place. But instead, my relationship failed because I loved the wrong person. It would have failed anyway because they were simply the wrong person. Even if I had pulled the plug at the first sign of trouble it would have failed. But what I’m getting at is that is that sometimes, I wonder about these things because I never did anything that I just knew would hurt my partner. I’m not saying I’m perfect or even that I was the “right” person for him either, but I was always that doormat of a “good girl”. And to think that the worst thing I did was “love the wrong guy” makes it very hard to get motivated to try again. I have tried some, but no guy feels “right”. Even HE felt like the perfect man for me in the beginning before everything started to fall apart. But while he was the worst guy I have ever been with, he was without a doubt the “best” too. He did everything right in the beginning, and now I can’t even meet a guy who I even feel any chemistry with. I meet a lot of guys who don’t text back or who talk to a lot of girls, or who want to “chill” at my house or who don’t understand me
+1 y
I must admit I feel some personal sense of humiliation that I can’t find the “one” after being played. I felt like I shouldn’t continue to see my ex as “as good as it gets” especially after how he cheated on me and left me for another girl. But honestly, I feel like I still have t met anybody who I feel anything for or who even likes me and wants to get to know me. I feel like a failure and I know I did everything I could to love that guy properly.
How do you find the motivation to try again when the person you gave your all to, played you?
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