Please be ginuine and kind with your comments.
My ex was a wonderful human being and a wonderful man. I first need to start off with saying that. He was really good person and a good partner. He made me laugh and I was the happiest in my life with him. No man ever was that good to me in terms of how he loved me and treated me. We lived together in secret from both our families for a year and a half. I was in his country during that period. But I eventually left and this is why.
He was three years younger than me. He had worked some random jobs in his life but never really had a career and the longest he worked continuesly was for two years. Still lived at his loving parents house. He also wasn't that attractive but he had the most beautiful heart and I thought that was enough.
I on the other hand had an excellent career, house, car and good social status. And when we lived together I took care of rent but split everything else in half. He did show me dedication, commitment and worked hard. He never asked me for money. So I know he really cared for me and wanted to show me that he was independent. We never had a fight. And I never made him feel that I needed things from him. I paid for my lifestyle and mostly went out for outdoor activities that cost nothing. So money wasn't a problem for us. And we both believed to wait for sex until marriage. But we were very intimate and satisfied sexually. We both cared for each other tremendously.
He asked me to mary him few months after we met and I couldn't say yes. That hurt him badly and deep. I explained to him why I couldn't say yes. He was from a different country and ethnicity. A different social class and a different religion. According to the laws of my country I couldn't legally marry him. I would risk my job, family, home, and facing legal issues that can lead to me being arrested and him being banned from entering my country to even visit me. I also have other financial commitments. If I ran away with him those commitments would hit my family hard. They would lose everything and that would break their heart and humiliate them socially.
I knew I couldn't ask of him to cover anything financially if I ran away with him. He would say yes but he can't do it while we sustain ourselves in his country. I was scared and I told him we can't be together. But he asked me if we can continue to love each other and build memories as long as we can be together. I eventually agreed to that and we stayed for a year and a half living together knowing that the relationship had no future. Eventually we kissed, cried, and said our goodbyes. I bought a plane ticket and went back home.
We now live thousands of miles a part. He still checks up on me. He is still the man I remember. It has been a year now after we separated. But I did pay for a holiday and visited him for three weeks six months ago. And I know his love for me hasn't changed. We had a great time.
I sometimes question if I made the right decision by leaving him. He called me two weeks ago. He said he is still waiting for me to come back 'home to him' and that he is unable to find love again. He said his heart has been broken ever since I left. He lives in western Europe. He said he can marry me and we can live happy again. Poor but happy. But I'm so afraid. without telling him, I tried applying for jobs in his country but with the virus it is almost impossible. I couldn't find one.
I don't want to give him false hopes. I can't ask of him to take upon himself my financial burden even if he says that he would gladly do so. I feel torn and in pain knowing that he is in pain. He says that he never loved anyone like this and that he will always love me till the day he dies. He says he is not afraid of financial stress as long I'm with him.
I just wanted to take this off my chest. I wanted to vent about my secret love and pain for him. I couldn't tell anyone about him. I feel broken.
We are separated merely due to external factors and money. And not because of who we are as a couple or the connection we have together.