It's Not the Goodbye that Hurts
It's not the goodbye that hurts us, it's the years of flashbacks remembering the goodbye. That's bad to carry with you for years. That memory of seeing someone you love for the very last time in your life. What is the absolute worst way to say goodbye to someone you love? It's the most hurtful and horrible of any goodbye.
The most painful goodbye in the world was never given to you and, never explained.
This is a way of ending things. That will destroy a person to their core. It's one of the most painful things anyone could live with. Never knowing what happened to the person you loved who of course claimed they loved you too at the time. We understand and work best when there is a timeline, when we know that we start at A and arrive at B. We like that.
It gives us a false illusion of stability. Why would they leave without saying goodbye? What did I miss? but, most importantly what happened to change their feelings about me over night? I'd rather you tell me the truth and hurt me rather then tell me nothing and shatter me. You live a whole life of "What if's" wondering about a question or questions that you may very well never have any answers to. If you never see the person again, I'm sure you die wondering why they left you.
I think there is nothing more terrible in this world than waiting and wondering.
It creates expectations; it builds up fantasies; it puts you on pause. While consciously choosing to wait you pretty much stop yourself from doing anything else in life. His action (or lack of action, since he didn't say goodbye) is selfish and cruel. In a way, I know I was just so lucky to have him in my life at all. So, I shouldn't feel bad for myself or be upset that I ever even met him at all.
Honestly, If I had never met him, I would never have become the person I am today. However, inside, I am always going to have a hole, a spot in my heart specifically for him only. Even though he put me through hell mentally and emotionally, I will always love him, I will always miss him and the memories we have together. I want to thank him for those becaues, they are some of the best memories of my whole life. That is the one thing I do know for sure.
The Girl you didn't even say goodbye to