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I'm extremely shy around my boyfriend's family. His family so far has been welcoming but I'm still afraid. I think we came off to a bumpy start because when I first met his parents, he told them we were having unprotected sex. I'm 27 and he's 30 but we still live with our families due to being single. Anyways, when he told them we were trying to conceive his mother freaked out and so did his sister. because neither him nor I are financially stable but were planning on getting there.
Anyways, his mother was hesitant, scared, and I could tell my boyfriend sided with them as much as he did me. I guess I was offended because I'm more independent. I don't have as good of a relationship with my parents as he does his so I felt like he should just side with me. I didn't cause too much of a fuss but I think I felt like his family as super important to him (which I don't mind) but maybe I felt like this made it more important to impress them, be accepted.
The problem is I am competitive. I want all my boyfriend's love and to be number one. Sometimes I am not realistic and sometimes I know its selfish. Is this normal? I think this is why I feel guilty when I walk in their house because I know I'm selfish at times. I don't try to separate him from his family but I don't feel as close as a bond to them probably because I know how I really am.
I was jealous of his sister or I didn't know how to perceive her because she's super pretty but she's also really nice. I'm just afraid my bitchy side will come out. I analyze myself and realize due to dating several horrible guys in my life I resent pretty girls because I think they get guys easier and have life handed to them. I know this is probably not true but it has affected me so much in life I am resentful, bitchy, and evil. I don't act on these things but my facial expressions show my true colors which I feel ashamed of.
I want to be accepted in the family but sometimes I worry they cannot accept the real me flaws and all.