Search Results: she blew me off

My boyfriend have killed several animals before cats, squirrels, deer's, anything but that was before me. Yesterday he told me that he killed a bird with a blow gun that he gave to his brother which is following his steps about killing stuff. The bird did not died so he chopped his head off. I am okay with if he did eat it but he did not so he just killed for pleasure and fun. Also he is not starving and can go to Walmart so he does not need to kill for it. If he wants practice shooting he could aim not live animals but I think he enjoys killing and even worked in a farm killing sick chickens before. All his friend thinks that is normal his family thinks that is normal but for me there is no necessity to kill so killing is just for fun.

I love my boyfriend. However, I have grown to resent him over the nearly 8 years that we have been together, as he is mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. This I am certain. (ie: not long ago, I had to stay with him while my family had covid and I am immunocompromised. I started the mandalorian finale without him and he told me to get the fuck out of his house when he knew I had nowhere to go)

I’ve tried to talk to him about needing more attention/affection, etc. and he blows me off. I feel suicidal with how worthless he makes me feel. I feel I cannot leave because not only do I not really want to because of how much is invested and I love him, but I am also afraid of what he will do. I smoke weed (was just legalized medically where I live) to help with my Addison’s disease and aspergers/anxiety/depression. He’s already threatened me before with my own bong, so I’m afraid he might try to turn me in out of spite.

I’m not getting my needs met and I am drowning. I need to feel loved again after feeling hated for so long. I am not a cheater and would never cheat. However, I’ve been told I would be justified but I am not sure. Is this true?