Am I justified to cheat?

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend. However, I have grown to resent him over the nearly 8 years that we have been together, as he is mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. This I am certain. (ie: not long ago, I had to stay with him while my family had covid and I am immunocompromised. I started the mandalorian finale without him and he told me to get the fuck out of his house when he knew I had nowhere to go)

I’ve tried to talk to him about needing more attention/affection, etc. and he blows me off. I feel suicidal with how worthless he makes me feel. I feel I cannot leave because not only do I not really want to because of how much is invested and I love him, but I am also afraid of what he will do. I smoke weed (was just legalized medically where I live) to help with my Addison’s disease and aspergers/anxiety/depression. He’s already threatened me before with my own bong, so I’m afraid he might try to turn me in out of spite.

I’m not getting my needs met and I am drowning. I need to feel loved again after feeling hated for so long. I am not a cheater and would never cheat. However, I’ve been told I would be justified but I am not sure. Is this true?

Yes, you would be justified

No, you wouldn’t

Updates

+1 y

To clarify, as I think some people may be confused. I have never cheated and have no plans to. My family mainly has been talking in my ear, encouraging me to cheat at times and saying I would be justified. I’m a firm believer in karma and treating others how you would want to be treated, so I have a differing opinion and needed some clarification.

[Finchie40]

You aren’t justified to cheat , cheating will get you no where , but you need to get yourself out of that abusive controlling relationship, , best thing to do is focus on how you can remove yourself from that relationship , Do you work? If so secretly save money so you can find your own place or reach out to a friend or family member that will let you move in with them for a short period of time until you get back on your feet. Tell them you are being abused and you need to get out , You don’t need to tell your abusive boyfriend anything , just make a plan to get out , best thing to do is pack your stuff and leave when he is at work etc. So there is no conflict. Never feel like you have to stay with someone cuz you have to much invested , if you are being abused and controlled then that isn’t love , love is not forced , life is too short to settle with someone you aren’t happy with or controlled by , removing yourself from that type of relationship is going to feel like a huge weight lifted off your chest , I know you feel
Scared and wondering if you are making the right decision , but from what you stated , my answer is Yes , you will be making the right decision. He doesn’t own you , when people act like they own someone and force someone to be with them that isn’t love that is abuse , You are being abused so you need to get out.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like your family and friends are saying cheat , meaning cheat with someone new that you can build a relationship with , I don’t think they mean cheat just for sex , they are saying move on and find someone else is what I am thinking , cuz just cheating for sex will get you know where , so the cheating they are talking about is pretty much saying move on and find someone else , which in most cases people do when they want you to get out of that relationship , yes it’s messed up thing to do but that’s what most people do when they aren’t happy in a relationship , is they find someone else , basically a rebound , which in your case it sounds like that is an option since you are being abused

[ohshee]

You are truly Justified to walk away and then you would be justified in anything you wanted if you want to get fucked all the way to the moon and back five different times I would help you back that play,, if you want to be happy you can be justified in that you can be justified in doing everything you want but by doing it the right way,,, and is the only way that you're going to get real justification,, if you do it any other way. Then he cannot not say a fucking word about you and one day you can turn to look at him and say fuck you I'm not like you. I will never be like you. Everything you have ever said every way you have ever treated me it's been a fucking lie. For you to manipulate me use me mentally and physically abused me you are wrong that right there is one other person and justification when you can do that

[ohshee]

I hear what you're saying that I think that's cool they can be honest you have a very beautiful heart but then I read your question again and I still feel your pain there's a magical flow that happens with our energies when we become one with somebody so when you have felt that flow that energy your body cravex your mind crave's at your energy craves it and I can feel your words play I know what you mean I'm not even in it relationship and I crave that feeling that emotion that Bond

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No you would not be... There's never a justification to cheat... And that's not about if he deserves or don't. It's about if you have a conscience, you might feel good in the moment but guilt after. If someone is making you miserable, then make the choice to leave. And not to be mean or ride just being honest (because I've been there done it myself) when we really don't want to leave we make reasons/excuses why we can't. I walked away from my first marriage with nothing but the clothes on my back even though most possessions we owned I paid for because I could no longer stay and allow someone to keep abusing me... And when we stay, we are allowing it... It can be very hard to start over, feel like you have nowhere or nothing, but sometimes that's more our fear than the reality..
If you cheat, that's just another way you become less of yourself because of someone else and noone is worth that loss of self...

[pleasestopthis]

I'm sorry to put it like this, but cheating is the cowardly way out. You just want to cheat to get revenge for the resentment you feel. Be an adult and take responsibility for what you feel, you already said he's abusive! Break up and get out of this relationship that's not going anywhere. But no, you love him and want to stay, so the best option is cheating on him so you'll blow off some steam. Great.

[SteveSmith1985]

No. You are not justified. At all.

If you need support to help you leave him safely, seek that support.

It sounds like you're in a shitty situation you need to find a way out of.

In no way are you justified in cheating AT ALL. . Still. Cheat if you want But don't lie to yourself about it being justified. It isn't. Not even a little bit.

(by the way... you'd be hard-pressed to find another man who hates abusive guys as much as I do.)

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

Why would you cheat if the relationship is this bad that is just dumb logic. You need to leave him. If you aren't living with him and there are no repercussions of breaking up with him then leave. Obviously you have options if you are thinking about cheating. I mean if he got that mad at you watching a show without him, then think about how bad it could get if he found out that you cheated on him. You gotta be smarter about your decisions.

[Anonymous]

The correct thing is to get away from this individual. Be brave, make it happen. Relationships are mean to make you feel better not worse. You've identified he's abusive. There's no reason for him to be in your life. Your love for him is not a reason.
He's using your vulnerable position (and possibly autism) against you.
You're right to want to feel loved. We all need that. Choose better next time around.

[Floppy2112]

Uh no, just leave the guy and then you can do what you want. Everybody has 'reasons' to cheat. Nobody does it for no reason and magically it's always everybody else's fault. Don't be that girl. Just leave him if it's so bad. If you think he's abusive now, just wait til he catches you cheating... Yikes!
And you will get caught. Almost always, the other finds out, one way or another.

[Kas19]

I wouldn't care if you cheated. I think cheating is wrong but abusive relationships are an outlier in my opinion. That being said, you should leave. What will he do to you if he finds out? Play it safe. Hope you're okay. I'm sorry you're in that position. I know how badly you want to find love and acceptance, it's just not going to be from him.

[Wiredone]

I can tell you still have feelings for him but he is belittling you. He is verbally and mentally abusive towards you. You need to get out of the relationship, and his house and get counceling before you hurt yourself. Don't let him treat you like that anymore. Leave him and move on then you can see whoever you want.

[Paul09]

Omfg. It's better to be single and happy that with someone that makes your life shit. Why in the world do you women stay with morons like this? Leave this asshole in the past. Stop trying to find reason to be with him. Pretty sure there is someone 10000x better than this moron that I hope gets runned over by a truck. You are only hurting yourself. You have the right to he treated with respect and be happy.

[Jessica405]

Cheating, under any circumstances, is plain wrong. If you aren't happy, walk away and find another guy.

If you cheat, you can never undo it. No amount of trying can turn the clock back.

[crazyish]

I didn't even need to read past your question 'Am I justified to cheat?'

Cheating is never justified. Well to me anyways. It has to do with one's own personal morals.

[GreenEyedBaby2]

So, in short, you're rather insecure & you've an asshole as a boyfriend who you've been led to believe/come to believe is the best you'd get. Why would cheating make things better?

Do yourself a favor. Leave. Nothing else. Two wrongs NEVER make things right.

[serious]

No, you are not justified to cheat. Never.

However, you are totally justified to leave him (break up with him forever) and walk away from this relationship.

[IamStardust]

Cheating should never be be justifiable. You should definitely seek external help to break up with him, but cheating is just not the solution.

[NamerOfStars]

No. If you're afraid of what he'll do if you leave him, what do you think he'll do if you cheat on him?

[Xyglo27]

Stop smoking weed & start meditation.

When you think with a clear sober brain, you'll know what you can do to fix up this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Cheating won't solve anything in my opinion you May end up cheating again and again to feel you're worthy. Leave him asap and take your time to heal and love yourself first spend time improving yourself then who knows maybe someone truly fall In love with you. Cheating will make you cheat in other field too work friend ship etc.

[kidvid80]

the real question is girl why do you stay? so many people out there will treat you right

[Little_Bumblebee]

Sounds like a horrible relationship. Why don't you leave?

[Jaylaaa2000]

There is never justification to cheat.

If he makes you unhappy leave him and find someone new.

[Peppermint55]

No one in any circumstances is justified to cheat. If there is a problem, initiate a breakup.
You probably knew the answer.

[Adam1978]

There is no justification for cheating, only for breaking up. So do that instead.