Do you think cheating is ever justified?

[asheslee]

Question is self-explanatory.

[rjroy3]

You're married and fly out of town on business. On your flight home the plane crashes over the ocean. Somehow you survive the wreckage and the plane just happened to crash near an island. You're the only survivor. You grab what you can take with you and swim out to the land, only to find a woman there who greets you curiously. She speaks English and tells you she was lost at sea for 2 years, before her boat went down to a storm. She drifted to this island and has been there ever since. There is no contact to the outside world.

You swim back to the plane several times every day to see if you can find any communications devices, but to no avail. Your situation seems inevitable so you give in and accept that you're stuck on the island and make the best of it. Crying yourself to sleep every night, while falling asleep to this woman you grow fonder every night that goes by. 2 more years go by and you fall in love with the woman. You bed her that same night, finally consummating the bond you have with her.

100% justified cheating in my opinion lol.

[asheslee]

🤣You, my friend, need to go into a sales career. I bet you would be very successful!

[rjroy3]

thanks lol

[hellionthesagereborn]

No. If your cheating then its because you have refused to communicate, refused to talk about your issues, or refused to move on in every scenario its your fault you are not forced into a relationship you are not forced to keep silent you are not forced to have sex with some one else. It is a choice ergo there is no justification for betraying some one and hurting other just because you don't want to be proactive in your relationship instead choosing to let things deteriorate to the point where you decide cheating will get you what you want without you actually having to suffer the discomfort of confronting your partner or yourself with the issues you are having.

[jiggawigga]

amen

[NatashaJ]

I wish I did cheated on my ex for everything making it like I was cheater when I wasn't plus he emotional cheated on me and told me after we got back together to get over it. But he always reminded me for no reason that if I cheated he would tell everyone I know my personal information. He was a complete jackass, and I wish I didn't take the high route so I could feel alittle better for doing shit since he put me through hell.

[NatashaJ]

and oh when we officially broken up and I move on dated a guy months later he had the nerve to claim I was cheating on him being with my actual boyfriend funny he change his words to "I'm sorry I still have feelings for you" and blah blah when he was the one who officially ended our relationship. I wish then I could had said I cheated on him because I was fed up with him.

[Nyx_85]

Never. Some people might say "They weren't giving me enough attention" "They were mean to me". Well if you can't first work through whatever issue that is making you feel like cheating than you should call it quits. Justifying cheating is just something people do to tell themselves it's ok.

[cipher42]

Yes. Like if someone's in an abusive/nonconsensual relationship that they don't have the option of leaving. In relationships where the person can leave without issue, they absolutely should do that instead of cheating, but there are relationships where it just doesn't work that way.

[Anonymous]

No. There is never a good, or bad, reason to cheat. Have a problem or issue? Then talk it through. Cannot be resolved, then part before the cheating happens.

It will not resolve anything.

[Bandit74]

I think it's justified if they cheated first. I am probably in the minority in thinking that, but I am an eye for an eye kinda person. I never liked that "two wrongs don't make a right" expression.

I could also see the argument being made in the cases where the person is trapped in a sexless marriage and doesn't want to leave due to a fear of not being able to see their kids and/or being financially ruined. Still, I think proposing an open marriage is better so you don't have to go behind their back. I also don't understand why their partner would even care. It seems kinda selfish to expect someone to be sexually exclusive to you when you rarely to never have sex with them. It's like "I have no interest in doing this activity with you, but I don't want anyone else to do it with you either".

[dudegreat]

It depends on the individuals ofcourse. Some might be okay with it I am certainly not. I value honesty in a relationship a lot. If a partner feels like being sexual with another person he/she should talk to his/her partner about having an open relationship or at least getting a free pass for one time. A friend of mine recently went on a Europe trip with me. His wife had given him a free pass and told him he "can be a bachelor" on this trip. However he didn't fuck anyone during this trip because he just couldn't do it.

[madhatters4]

no i don't. perhaps unless someone is pointing a gun at your spouse or child's head saying if you don't have sex with someone your family will be killed... but in that case i imagine a spouse would say yeah go ahead and have sex...

to me there is hardly ever a realistic situation that arises where someone should compromise their morals and ethics

[Anonymous]

Yes. When a partner, usually the wife let's be honest, stops having sex with the other and absolutely refuses any sort of counselling, therapy or discussion. The sort of woman who thinks a man can be weaned off sex if she just keeps saying no.

Women like this do exist. And they are absolutely the ones that cheating is justified on.

If divorce laws were more equitable (hey feminists, want to tackle that?) and a man wouldn't lose rights to his kids, I'd say divorce is better. Just divorce the selfish celibate bitch.

But since they aren't, cheat on the bitch. And feel zero guilt about it.

[ak666]

I'm not sure if "justified" is the right word but "forgivable", perhaps.

As a blatant example, take a woman who is married to a husband who abuses her domestically. She's afraid to break up with him out of fear of further abuse.

If she ends up having affair with another man who makes her feel loved and treats her well, I can't exactly see her as the villain in this scenario.

[Kkaos]

Don't agree. No woman should feel forced to stay in an abusive relationship. If the relationship's abusive, get the hell out of there and get a restraining order on the guy. And if she was too afraid to breakup with him out of fear of further abuse, what's going to happen if he finds out she's cheating on him? You can't hide from your problems, you've got to face them head on.

[ak666]

@Kkaos Agreed but I'm not thinking of any scenario where cheating is an ideal course of action, far from it. It was just an example of how it's not always a black and white matter of good vs. evil. It's complicated and murky as with a lot of morally questionable examples.

[Phantomium]

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[Pyrofox]

Its honestly just a despicable thing it really renders those who cheat who say they love you, worthless. I mean really its "Oh, I love you and one or more."

I mean yes you should give cheater who in the past has cheated a chance to fix their postiion. But with extreme caution.

[Browneye57]

Yep. If your spouse is a dud and you're not ready to split, then sure. They call it branch swinging when the ladies do it.

About 70% or so marriages experience some kind of affair by one or the other or both.

Been on both sides of it. It's always ugly when it's found out. [shrug]

[Tarvold]

Yes. Absolutely.

If there are kids involved, and one partner refuses to sexually satisfy the other for more than 2 months without a valid medical reason, then it's free game.

[redeyemindtricks]

I'm with you, as long as the words "try to" are inserted in front of "sexually satisfy".

[jiggawigga]

@redeyemindtricks I can see where you're coming from, it seems like you put a high value of family and the kids having two parents at home, but even though I agree that those things are totally valuable, I still disagree. This is because when the spouse finds out about the affair, it will blow up in the person's face, making it even worse than if the couple were to just divorce and find other people.
"I dont believe in staying together for the kids," because I have experienced what a dysfunctional, unhappy couple does to the kids; it's toxic.
Also, it's more than just "Oh well, then just make sure the spouse never finds out."
It's also about honoring your spouse's wishes. If you've asked them if theyre okay with you being in an open marriage and they say no, then you have to honor that because imagine yourself in the spouse's shoes. It's not "oh what they dont know won't hurt them."Its the fact that people do actually want for their wishes and reality to be consistent.

[redeyemindtricks]

@jiggawigga Well, ok... but... what you're missing is that DENYING sexual (and/or emotional) intimacy to yr partner IS INFIDELITY.

That's infidelity, every little last bit as much as actually fucking around is infidelity. Not one bit less.

So... If an affair happens with a spouse who's been shut out for months, the spouse who's fucking around is NOT the one who was unfaithful first -- and so should NOT take primary blame for the consequences.

[Tarvold]

@redeyemindtricks Yes. Of course.

As a guy, it's too easy to forget that not all attempts lead to success. :D

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, "satisfy" is just such a loaded word. mahah

[jiggawigga]

@redeyemindtricks cheating still isn't the answer. Why? Because God gave you a mouth for a reason, to talk about things. Talk about it, offer couples therapy, and if that doesn't work, leave. Thats it.

[Tarvold]

@jiggawigga God never demanded monogamy.

[Tarvold]

Take Abraham for example. When the wife can't deliver, he can get some on the side. In a way, our philosophy is more biblical than monogamy.

[jiggawigga]

Ok. justt because its biblical doesn't mean its the best option.
Just break up if uve tried to solvr your differences and its not workig

[Tarvold]

@jiggawigga "Ok. justt because its biblical doesn't mean its the best option." Wait... what?

What kind of hypocrite are you? So you're only picking out the part of the Bible you like so that you can use it to guilt other people into following your own ideals? You are a fucking monster.

[Anonymous]

Justified is a strong word.

But when people with kids decide to stop having any kind of sex with their partner, and their partner cheats, i'm sure as hell not condemning it.

Sorry, you don't unilaterally get to decide monogamy has become shared celibacy, use your kids as hostages and then be sad you got cheated on. If you didn't discuss and get agreement on a sexless marriage, why are you shocked they didn't discuss and get agreement on an open marriage?

[asheslee]

But why not have the balls to go through a divorce instead of sneaking around?

[Opinion Owner]

A frequent reason would be a desire to not never see your kids for years. And that's not an exaggeration. Most divorces I know, the man gets two weekends a month with the kids. Of course the kids can't actually stay overnight with him unless he's got a large enough place for them to have their own bedrooms, where in practice many men I know (who were earning 6 figures) have to live in basement apartments after divorce because most of their income is going to child support. So actually they have a few afternoons a month, but actually teenagers have their own plans, so, hey maybe i'll see my kids at Christmas. Like these aren't online stories, I know -multiple- cases like this personally.

All because their wife decides she never wants sex again?

Yeah I can't imagine why some men cheat instead.

[asheslee]

Look, don't be mad at me for asking. When my parents divorced they had joint custody with equal amounts of time. That is the way many divorces I have seen go down.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not mad at you, sorry if it came off that way.

That's good with your parents. It seems to be really rare here, I guess it depends on the jurisdiction. In my case, my wife always says she'd walk away, but the courts would give her near full custody in a second if she asked for it, because she's at home with the kids (she was also at home before kids, she just... didnt' work.)

[asheslee]

Not so good for my parents. My dad signed over visitation rights to reduce his child support by $100 per month. I can definitely see in your particular set of circumstances why you would make that decision. I think your situation is pretty rare, though. I feel bad that you are going through that.

[Opinion Owner]

$100 a month, wow.

I think my child support would be pegged around $4k. Over half my income.

I don't think my situation is rare tbh, i personally know multiple people in it.

[cheapshotbob]

not really i dont though i dont thing being castrated by the girl when find out justified either lol but hey i never did that myself but i have to say it is wrong.

[natured]

No,
Cheating and Violence are two things that I would not tolerate in a relationship, not even for a second, no no hell no I'd be gone and he would never see me again. I love myself too much to go through that.

[Anonymous]

I know this sounds fucked up but I think army wives/husbands whose spouses lost their legs during battle or became paralyzed from the waist down deserve to have sex with other people if their spouse is not able to. And this doesn't just apply to army wives/husbands but anyone whose spouse suffered that kind of injury.

[redeyemindtricks]

Of all the possible "justifications", this is absolutely the worst possible one.

I mean... REALLY? How far does this logic go? "Oh hey hubby -- You know how I didn't get pregnant for the last couple months? Well, I found some other boys to help us have a baby. Ya know, take some of that load off of you."

I hope to god this is trolling.

We have a family friend who lost not only his leg, but his dick too. His wife wouldn't THINK of finding a backup dick. I bet she would have some choice words for you.
I wrote about this friend here: (woman's mho)
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2074019-have-you-ever-used-or-saw-someone-using-a-sybian

[Opinion Owner]

@redeyemindtricks I'm not trolling (thought that was clear when I said "I know this sounds fucked up"). I don't think it's fair for them to expect their husband/wife to abstain from sex if they are not able to do anything for them sexually.

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, with an attitude like that, it's not like you'll ever stay married long enough to find out.

Hardly surprised this is anon, too.

[Opinion Owner]

@redeyemindtricks Oh you really got me there... 😒✋️

[Brinkbabe91]

Never. Even if you are cheating just because they did you shouldn't stoop to their level just break up

[behappybabe]

I understand why some people cheat but I never agree with it. If you love the person your with then you should never want to hurt them.

[sawno]

The only scenario's where its justified to me would not do the definition of cheating justice. At those stages its just an open relationship.

[Kkaos]

If it's an open relationship, it's not really cheating then though lol.

[sawno]

@Kkaos Exactly my point, cheating is never acceptable. From the moment you start agreeing when it would be, congratulations your relationship is now open.

[Ironlak282]

It's always a very hurtful thing to do. Problem is life is very complicated and in some situations it can be the lesser of two evils. So yes I do unfortunately think their are situations which justify it.

[TyroneTerminator2229]

I don't personally think so. If I hypothetically felt like cheating, either because I wasn't sexually satisfied, or emotionally or whatever you wanna call it, then I would rather just break up with the person then cheat.

[JustinTheGreat]

Never. If someone is not satisfied with any part of their relationship then they should talk to their partner about it or leave

[jiggawigga]

amen

[Exmorted]

No, and you're a fool for staying with anyone if you ever catch them cheating by any means.