Do you think cheating is ever justified?

[asheslee]

Question is self-explanatory.

[rjroy3]

You're married and fly out of town on business. On your flight home the plane crashes over the ocean. Somehow you survive the wreckage and the plane just happened to crash near an island. You're the only survivor. You grab what you can take with you and swim out to the land, only to find a woman there who greets you curiously. She speaks English and tells you she was lost at sea for 2 years, before her boat went down to a storm. She drifted to this island and has been there ever since. There is no contact to the outside world.

You swim back to the plane several times every day to see if you can find any communications devices, but to no avail. Your situation seems inevitable so you give in and accept that you're stuck on the island and make the best of it. Crying yourself to sleep every night, while falling asleep to this woman you grow fonder every night that goes by. 2 more years go by and you fall in love with the woman. You bed her that same night, finally consummating the bond you have with her.

100% justified cheating in my opinion lol.

[asheslee]

🤣You, my friend, need to go into a sales career. I bet you would be very successful!

[rjroy3]

thanks lol

[hellionthesagereborn]

No. If your cheating then its because you have refused to communicate, refused to talk about your issues, or refused to move on in every scenario its your fault you are not forced into a relationship you are not forced to keep silent you are not forced to have sex with some one else. It is a choice ergo there is no justification for betraying some one and hurting other just because you don't want to be proactive in your relationship instead choosing to let things deteriorate to the point where you decide cheating will get you what you want without you actually having to suffer the discomfort of confronting your partner or yourself with the issues you are having.

[jiggawigga]

amen

[NatashaJ]

I wish I did cheated on my ex for everything making it like I was cheater when I wasn't plus he emotional cheated on me and told me after we got back together to get over it. But he always reminded me for no reason that if I cheated he would tell everyone I know my personal information. He was a complete jackass, and I wish I didn't take the high route so I could feel alittle better for doing shit since he put me through hell.

[NatashaJ]

and oh when we officially broken up and I move on dated a guy months later he had the nerve to claim I was cheating on him being with my actual boyfriend funny he change his words to "I'm sorry I still have feelings for you" and blah blah when he was the one who officially ended our relationship. I wish then I could had said I cheated on him because I was fed up with him.

[Nyx_85]

Never. Some people might say "They weren't giving me enough attention" "They were mean to me". Well if you can't first work through whatever issue that is making you feel like cheating than you should call it quits. Justifying cheating is just something people do to tell themselves it's ok.

[cipher42]

Yes. Like if someone's in an abusive/nonconsensual relationship that they don't have the option of leaving. In relationships where the person can leave without issue, they absolutely should do that instead of cheating, but there are relationships where it just doesn't work that way.

[Anonymous]

No. There is never a good, or bad, reason to cheat. Have a problem or issue? Then talk it through. Cannot be resolved, then part before the cheating happens.

It will not resolve anything.

[Bandit74]

I think it's justified if they cheated first. I am probably in the minority in thinking that, but I am an eye for an eye kinda person. I never liked that "two wrongs don't make a right" expression.

I could also see the argument being made in the cases where the person is trapped in a sexless marriage and doesn't want to leave due to a fear of not being able to see their kids and/or being financially ruined. Still, I think proposing an open marriage is better so you don't have to go behind their back. I also don't understand why their partner would even care. It seems kinda selfish to expect someone to be sexually exclusive to you when you rarely to never have sex with them. It's like "I have no interest in doing this activity with you, but I don't want anyone else to do it with you either".

[dudegreat]

It depends on the individuals ofcourse. Some might be okay with it I am certainly not. I value honesty in a relationship a lot. If a partner feels like being sexual with another person he/she should talk to his/her partner about having an open relationship or at least getting a free pass for one time. A friend of mine recently went on a Europe trip with me. His wife had given him a free pass and told him he "can be a bachelor" on this trip. However he didn't fuck anyone during this trip because he just couldn't do it.

[madhatters4]

no i don't. perhaps unless someone is pointing a gun at your spouse or child's head saying if you don't have sex with someone your family will be killed... but in that case i imagine a spouse would say yeah go ahead and have sex...

to me there is hardly ever a realistic situation that arises where someone should compromise their morals and ethics

[Anonymous]

Yes. When a partner, usually the wife let's be honest, stops having sex with the other and absolutely refuses any sort of counselling, therapy or discussion. The sort of woman who thinks a man can be weaned off sex if she just keeps saying no.

Women like this do exist. And they are absolutely the ones that cheating is justified on.

If divorce laws were more equitable (hey feminists, want to tackle that?) and a man wouldn't lose rights to his kids, I'd say divorce is better. Just divorce the selfish celibate bitch.

But since they aren't, cheat on the bitch. And feel zero guilt about it.

[ak666]

I'm not sure if "justified" is the right word but "forgivable", perhaps.

As a blatant example, take a woman who is married to a husband who abuses her domestically. She's afraid to break up with him out of fear of further abuse.

If she ends up having affair with another man who makes her feel loved and treats her well, I can't exactly see her as the villain in this scenario.

[Kkaos]

Don't agree. No woman should feel forced to stay in an abusive relationship. If the relationship's abusive, get the hell out of there and get a restraining order on the guy. And if she was too afraid to breakup with him out of fear of further abuse, what's going to happen if he finds out she's cheating on him? You can't hide from your problems, you've got to face them head on.

[ak666]

@Kkaos Agreed but I'm not thinking of any scenario where cheating is an ideal course of action, far from it. It was just an example of how it's not always a black and white matter of good vs. evil. It's complicated and murky as with a lot of morally questionable examples.

[Phantomium]

media.giphy.com/media/WwsdpAW985M6k/giphy.gif

[Pyrofox]

Its honestly just a despicable thing it really renders those who cheat who say they love you, worthless. I mean really its "Oh, I love you and one or more."

I mean yes you should give cheater who in the past has cheated a chance to fix their postiion. But with extreme caution.

[Browneye57]

Yep. If your spouse is a dud and you're not ready to split, then sure. They call it branch swinging when the ladies do it.

About 70% or so marriages experience some kind of affair by one or the other or both.

Been on both sides of it. It's always ugly when it's found out. [shrug]

[Tarvold]

Yes. Absolutely.

If there are kids involved, and one partner refuses to sexually satisfy the other for more than 2 months without a valid medical reason, then it's free game.

[redeyemindtricks]

I'm with you, as long as the words "try to" are inserted in front of "sexually satisfy".

[jiggawigga]

@redeyemindtricks I can see where you're coming from, it seems like you put a high value of family and the kids having two parents at home, but even though I agree that those things are totally valuable, I still disagree. This is because when the spouse finds out about the affair, it will blow up in the person's face, making it even worse than if the couple were to just divorce and find other people.
"I dont believe in staying together for the kids," because I have experienced what a dysfunctional, unhappy couple does to the kids; it's toxic.
Also, it's more than just "Oh well, then just make sure the spouse never finds out."
It's also about honoring your spouse's wishes. If you've asked them if theyre okay with you being in an open marriage and they say no, then you have to honor that because imagine yourself in the spouse's shoes. It's not "oh what they dont know won't hurt them."Its the fact that people do actually want for their wishes and reality to be consistent.

[redeyemindtricks]

@jiggawigga Well, ok... but... what you're missing is that DENYING sexual (and/or emotional) intimacy to yr partner IS INFIDELITY.

That's infidelity, every little last bit as much as actually fucking around is infidelity. Not one bit less.

So... If an affair happens with a spouse who's been shut out for months, the spouse who's fucking around is NOT the one who was unfaithful first -- and so should NOT take primary blame for the consequences.

[Tarvold]

@redeyemindtricks Yes. Of course.

As a guy, it's too easy to forget that not all attempts lead to success. :D

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, "satisfy" is just such a loaded word. mahah

[jiggawigga]

@redeyemindtricks cheating still isn't the answer. Why? Because God gave you a mouth for a reason, to talk about things. Talk about it, offer couples therapy, and if that doesn't work, leave. Thats it.

[Tarvold]

@jiggawigga God never demanded monogamy.

[Tarvold]

Take Abraham for example. When the wife can't deliver, he can get some on the side. In a way, our philosophy is more biblical than monogamy.

[jiggawigga]

Ok. justt because its biblical doesn't mean its the best option.
Just break up if uve tried to solvr your differences and its not workig

[Tarvold]

@jiggawigga "Ok. justt because its biblical doesn't mean its the best option." Wait... what?

What kind of hypocrite are you? So you're only picking out the part of the Bible you like so that you can use it to guilt other people into following your own ideals? You are a fucking monster.

[Anonymous]

Justified is a strong word.

But when people with kids decide to stop having any kind of sex with their partner, and their partner cheats, i'm sure as hell not condemning it.

Sorry, you don't unilaterally get to decide monogamy has become shared celibacy, use your kids as hostages and then be sad you got cheated on. If you didn't discuss and get agreement on a sexless marriage, why are you shocked they didn't discuss and get agreement on an open marriage?

[asheslee]

But why not have the balls to go through a divorce instead of sneaking around?

[Opinion Owner]

A frequent reason would be a desire to not never see your kids for years. And that's not an exaggeration. Most divorces I know, the man gets two weekends a month with the kids. Of course the kids can't actually stay overnight with him unless he's got a large enough place for them to have their own bedrooms, where in practice many men I know (who were earning 6 figures) have to live in basement apartments after divorce because most of their income is going to child support. So actually they have a few afternoons a month, but actually teenagers have their own plans, so, hey maybe i'll see my kids at Christmas. Like these aren't online stories, I know -multiple- cases like this personally.

All because their wife decides she never wants sex again?

Yeah I can't imagine why some men cheat instead.

[asheslee]

Look, don't be mad at me for asking. When my parents divorced they had joint custody with equal amounts of time. That is the way many divorces I have seen go down.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not mad at you, sorry if it came off that way.

That's good with your parents. It seems to be really rare here, I guess it depends on the jurisdiction. In my case, my wife always says she'd walk away, but the courts would give her near full custody in a second if she asked for it, because she's at home with the kids (she was also at home before kids, she just... didnt' work.)

[asheslee]

Not so good for my parents. My dad signed over visitation rights to reduce his child support by $100 per month. I can definitely see in your particular set of circumstances why you would make that decision. I think your situation is pretty rare, though. I feel bad that you are going through that.

[Opinion Owner]

$100 a month, wow.

I think my child support would be pegged around $4k. Over half my income.

I don't think my situation is rare tbh, i personally know multiple people in it.

[cheapshotbob]

not really i dont though i dont thing being castrated by the girl when find out justified either lol but hey i never did that myself but i have to say it is wrong.

[natured]

No,
Cheating and Violence are two things that I would not tolerate in a relationship, not even for a second, no no hell no I'd be gone and he would never see me again. I love myself too much to go through that.

[Anonymous]

I know this sounds fucked up but I think army wives/husbands whose spouses lost their legs during battle or became paralyzed from the waist down deserve to have sex with other people if their spouse is not able to. And this doesn't just apply to army wives/husbands but anyone whose spouse suffered that kind of injury.

[redeyemindtricks]

Of all the possible "justifications", this is absolutely the worst possible one.

I mean... REALLY? How far does this logic go? "Oh hey hubby -- You know how I didn't get pregnant for the last couple months? Well, I found some other boys to help us have a baby. Ya know, take some of that load off of you."

I hope to god this is trolling.

We have a family friend who lost not only his leg, but his dick too. His wife wouldn't THINK of finding a backup dick. I bet she would have some choice words for you.
I wrote about this friend here: (woman's mho)
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2074019-have-you-ever-used-or-saw-someone-using-a-sybian

[Opinion Owner]

@redeyemindtricks I'm not trolling (thought that was clear when I said "I know this sounds fucked up"). I don't think it's fair for them to expect their husband/wife to abstain from sex if they are not able to do anything for them sexually.

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, with an attitude like that, it's not like you'll ever stay married long enough to find out.

Hardly surprised this is anon, too.

[Opinion Owner]

@redeyemindtricks Oh you really got me there... 😒✋️

[Brinkbabe91]

Never. Even if you are cheating just because they did you shouldn't stoop to their level just break up

[behappybabe]

I understand why some people cheat but I never agree with it. If you love the person your with then you should never want to hurt them.

[sawno]

The only scenario's where its justified to me would not do the definition of cheating justice. At those stages its just an open relationship.

[Kkaos]

If it's an open relationship, it's not really cheating then though lol.

[sawno]

@Kkaos Exactly my point, cheating is never acceptable. From the moment you start agreeing when it would be, congratulations your relationship is now open.

[Ironlak282]

It's always a very hurtful thing to do. Problem is life is very complicated and in some situations it can be the lesser of two evils. So yes I do unfortunately think their are situations which justify it.

[TyroneTerminator2229]

I don't personally think so. If I hypothetically felt like cheating, either because I wasn't sexually satisfied, or emotionally or whatever you wanna call it, then I would rather just break up with the person then cheat.

[JustinTheGreat]

Never. If someone is not satisfied with any part of their relationship then they should talk to their partner about it or leave

[jiggawigga]

amen

[Exmorted]

No, and you're a fool for staying with anyone if you ever catch them cheating by any means.

[alena34]

No, if you don't wanna be with me then don't, simple as that, don't waste my time cheating.

[Anonymous]

Not to me. If there are problems in the marriage they should be worked on and if they can't be fixed, then divorce. People that cheat are lazy and/or don't want to deal with whatever the problem is in my opinion.

[GoodLuckCharlie]

No, of course not. Cheating is the act of having affairs with someone else while lying to your current partner. If an action requires dishonesty, it's probably not morally right.

[BCRanger10]

Under absolutely no circumstances is cheating acceptable or justified.

[George92]

No, because if you don't get on well with a person anymore, you can break with him/her, and then you are free to do whatever you want.

[alice55]

Never, if you don't get enough sex or enough affection you just have to talk to your partner and if nothing change just dump them. Nothing force you to stay in a relationship you aren't happy in...

[Anonymous]

Sometime it is. If you are a married man and you've done all you can to get your wife to sleep with you or improve your sex life to no avail and divorce rape is a high possibility then you should cheat.

[Southernbelle22]

Cheaters will answer this one for me.. WATCH THE SHOW.. IT'S EYE OPENING AND WILL ANSWER THIS WITHOUT A DOUBT.. I think the show is real and makes a good point on CHEATERS

[NatashaJ]

There evidence that its all fake.

[445533guy]

of someone is cheating , first blame yourself and then after that justification , if it's not your fault , don't think twice and no second chances

[Icyfire101]

No. If you have problems, either fix them or break up. Cheating is just immature

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Never. But I would understand if there is total neglect and extreme lack of sex during the marriage from a religious stand point where divorce isn't a option.

Non religious, than never. Just break up and move on.

[TuMeManques]

I think there are legitimate reasons that push people into cheating but I think they should leave the SO first

[Chilepikin]

It isn't. There's excuses for it but that's all it is excuses.

[Sabretooth]

No, but that always doesn't mean the person who gets cheated on is the victim, either

[sp33d]

Did he get some happiness behind her back? :D How dare he!

For the record, cheating is having sex with someone else while you are committed.

[JacquelineBuan]

so you don't consider kissing or her saying "I love you" to another man, to be cheating?

[sp33d]

@JacquelineBuan Oh I knew somebody was going to try that. I've seen people lose their shit over simply hugs.

The "I love you" bit I can handle. No idea why she'd be kissing another man other than the meet&greet kisses on cheeks and whatnot.

[JacquelineBuan]

by kissing I meant making out- would you be okay with that?

[sp33d]

@JacquelineBuan No. There's no need to worry about it, either.

[JacquelineBuan]

interesting. I don't agree with that, but I respect your opinion :)

[sp33d]

@JacquelineBuan Well, if we're going to be nice, I'll explain: I can't view this as an isolated case. Your assesment makes no sense to me, because I'd also be considering our relationship up to that point. I've also said that it takes time for me to build legit feelings for her. So, in effect, you would be suggesting that she just kisses someone out of the blue or says "I love you" to him. Does not comute. Have we been simply saying hello and goodbye to one another all this time, then?

[sp33d]

compute**

[JacquelineBuan]

sorry I really couldn't understand that. But anyways, thanks for sharing your opinion

[redeyemindtricks]

"For the record, cheating is having sex with someone else while you are committed."

^^ ... Or consistently DENYING it to someone who's committed to YOU.

[sp33d]

@redeyemindtricks Well, I have to admit, I haven't thought about it that way. You make a good point, though.

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, I mean, the word "infidelity" / "unfaithful" wasn't chosen by accident, right?

And, in literally EVERY other context, that word refers to... well, basically, a dereliction of duty.
Like... A "faithful" delivery person comes at the same time every day. The opposite wouldn't be sneaking extra deliveries to other people (lol); it would be not hitting YOUR route at the right time.

In some instances it's both. Like, legally, a "faithless employee" is someone who takes one company's trade secrets/patents and uses them to benefit another company -- but, again, dereliction of duty, AND active engagement with rivals.

Etc.

__

And, I mean, "cheating" ALSO means the same thing.

If you have to run extra laps as a penalty after sports practice... "cheating" isn't running even MORE laps for another coach. Cheating is NOT running the laps you're supposed to run.

Etc.

Like, it's actually weird to me that people so commonly dfine infidelity/cheating in such a one-sided way.
ESPECIALLY

[redeyemindtricks]

because LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE IMPORTANT in a rl is regarded by default as a **compromise**. Like, literally absolutely everything.

One person feels like the other doesn't do enough around the house? ... compromise, meet in the middle

One person doesn't feel spntaneous enough, but the other thinks there should be even more planning? ... compromise, meet in the middle

One person thinks the other starts TOO many "talks", while the other feels starved for communication? ... compromise, meet in the middle

Like...
srsly
It's fucked up that this is literally THE ONLY MAJOR THING where compromise is simply **not expected** by, well, just about anyone.

Imagine if I applied the same logic to ANY of those other things. Like the communication thing -- "Srry sweet cheeks, yr partner just isn't mentally equipped to talk about the rl more than once a year. You'll just have to adjust. You'll do it if you REALLY love her/him."

Or the housework thing, or the ANYTHING thing. It'd be ridicu

[redeyemindtricks]

lous smh.

Like, rlly, I wonder how we got to a point where literally THE ONE THING YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO GET FROM ANYONE ELSE (= sex) ... so, theoretically, that should be the MOST important compromise, right? -- somehow got to be the one thing that DOESN'T have to be a compromise, and where the person with greater needs is just, well, screwed. (Ahah the irony of "screwed" or "fucked" here)

Tf srsly.

[sp33d]

@redeyemindtricks That reminds me, I should say "cheating is having sex behind your partner's back". Swinging isn't my thing, but it works for some people.

"somehow got to be the one thing that DOESN'T have to be a compromise, and where the person with greater needs is just, well, screwed."

Emotion is not driven by logic - this is clearly an emotion-packed situation, one should not and try to logically dissect it. It's an issue of compatibility.

.. so if you're not fucking like I'm fucking then get the fuck out! .. [C. Rock]

Seriously speaking, it's too difficult for me to wrap my head around. I haven't lived together with a woman for half a century [read: 5 years] to relate to it. I can theorycraft it, but I would base it on logic, making my arguments redundant.

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, like, duhhh I know people are not fundamentally logical. It's not like I'm entirely -- or even mostly -- logical, either. lol.

But nonetheless... When people approach LITERALLY EVERYTHING BUT ONE THING in fundamentally the same way, but then that ONE thing is treated completely differently... there's usually a whole series of clearly identifiable reasons behind that. In fact, there almost ALWAYS is.
That's why I am wondering about this. Because in general, most peopel are either (a) basically consistent across the board, or (b) completely situational, case-by-case about basicallly everything.
This is a case of (a) -- except this one single thing. It's so weird.

[sp33d]

@redeyemindtricks Hey, for some people it's enough for them to see their "SO" literally [has to be the word of the day] eating from the same plate with someone else other than them :D [not even kidding, seen this shit play out in front of my eyes, fortunately, as a spectator.]

Perhaps, consistency across the board [except sex] is coincidental and only (b) applies. Suitably, our case by case decisions would seem to be in tune with some form of logic, which may or may not be consistent. Treatment of sex being the iconsistent bit. See how this goes haywire the moment you attempt to apply logic? :D

Where you going, bae?
Your sister called, she wants to get fucked.

[redeyemindtricks]

I mean sure, lol. Conveniently, I'm not particularly "logical" nor have I ever been considered particularly "smart"... so I'm not constrained by those things.

(I always lol when people say "That's a logical fallacy" as though that actually DEFEATS an argument. Like, as if that's something that matters at all to more than 0.05% of people. This is the biggest reason why people who carry around the "smart" reputation are... almost always horrible at persuading anyone of anything -- because somehow they've gotten all the way to adulthood thinking that arguments are supposed to be "logical".
Double lol when they do this for arguments ABOUT EMOTIONS. Like really guys? But yeah, they do that.)

[sp33d]

@redeyemindtricks
Logic is a fixed formal system [this well get hairy very quickly] that has rules. It's not your fault if you have never got familiar with actual logic. You may catch a glimpse of this discipline at www.youtube.com/watch
should you be interested :)

As for arguments. It depends on situation [see, (b) does apply :) ] and kind of person you are dealing with. You will not convince me, for instance, by abusing logical fallacies, I will catch any and every logical mistake you make, because I am trained to do so. It's my job, I have to be logically sound to make decisions involving huge amounts of money on a daily basis.

.. but I only apply that when it matters or when I want to be annoying or a troll.

Regardless, being logically sound is preferable, for then you would convince the people whose opinion is more valuable [and these people do constitute a healthy chunk of nation-wide if not local population].

[sp33d]

@redeyemindtricks
"This is the biggest reason why people who carry around the "smart" reputation are... almost always horrible at persuading anyone of anything"
Not precisely sure what you mean by "smart" reputation. I would distinguish between the ones that are wannabeish and those that really "know their shit".
Persuasion a. k. a people skills is actually a consequence of logic. The "smart" people you are talking about seem to be familiar with only the basis of logic, not its consequences.

[sp33d]

Pointdexter has finished xD XD

[E4058]

No if any problem goes on a relationship... They could discuss it properly & make a good solution

[jiggawigga]

amen, good job

[bloodmountain1990]

nope, never. If you're unhappy in a relationship then talk your problems over or leave

[MysteriousDarkness]

CheAting is never justified. Break it off with the person first or divorce them

[GingerSnap111]

Do two wrongs make a right? No.

[applesandoranges22]

two wrongs doesn't make a right but three rights make a left

[dewaldt]

In relationships no, in video games maybe

[fauchelevent]

No, I don't. If you're not happy, leave.

[SarahsSummer]

Nope. There is always another option.

[Anonymous]

I guess it is one of those things that is not the business of people outside the parties involved.

[JacquelineBuan]

what makes you say so?

[singlebee]

One word answer - Nope

[Kit_Kat88]

Never ever never ever ever ever ever

[Lithium65]

there's no justification

[Broseph11]

only in a live or death situation, it is okay.

[Anonymous]

Well... that could or could not be a little too broad?

[LastNightmare]

yes honey.. cheating is just another side of unsatisfied relationship

[JacquelineBuan]

I'm interested to know why three other people disagree with this statement

[asheslee]

@JacquelineBuan, I disagree... think of the sex addict. Think of the people who marry just to "keep" the relationship with no intention of ever being faithful to only one person. This does happen. In these cases, there is nothing the other party could have done to prevent it.

[JacquelineBuan]

@asheslee isn't that the same as an unsatified relationship though? The sex addict in this situation isn't satisfied (though I never thought it would be due to any sort of failure on the side of his/her partner)

[asheslee]

@JacquelineBuan, at the end of the day, satisfied or not, the person who cheats should be mature enough to vocalize the problem and exit the relationship instead of sneaking around. The question was whether cheating is justified and the real answer is "No!"

[JacquelineBuan]

@asheslee oh wow no wonder I was confused with your statements! For some reason it didn't register that the "yes honey" part was in reference to whether he though cheating is justified. I for one think it never is.

[asheslee]

@JacquelineBuan, No worries 😉... I am glad to hear you agree that it is not justified.

[LastNightmare]

Cheating is justified by each partner in one relationship. One partner has the reason to cheat and another has reason to stay...

[daremetwo]

Cheating is never justifiable.

[jessemeyer]

I really don't think it can be justified at all...

[AleDeEurope]

Never.

[TiffyPuff]

No 😑

[Anonymous]

Not in a relationship, its such a loser behavior.

[LadyCourtessa]

never

[DukeKolslaw]

no not at all

[rgb008]

Nope.

[OpenWine]

I see cheat, I leave

[BeastRB]

No never

[SovereignessofVamps]

Of course not.