Search Results: different after sex

After further analyzing myself more as an adult on why I acted in such an awful manner at an early age, I came to the conclusion that I was made, not born. I recalled that until my 7th b-day (according to my father, the would be the last time I would ever smile for real), I was into playing with dolls and eating ice-cream with my friend.

3 years later my parents were arguing nonstoppable as I was in major trouble:
At the time my father blamed it all on my mother. He said (as he was in tears and very upset by then) ''She was a normal kid, you made her into this, now she's gonna lose her childhood in detention, all because of you, you biotch''. He went on saying that if she had been a guy, he would have already punched her. My parents were divorced since my toddler years but I would still visit both of them. My mother accepted the blame and even said ''I ruined her''.

Possible explanation on my destructive behaviors:
I would stay with my mother from Monday to Thursday and half of Friday. There was a time she would come home drunk and lie about working a double shift. I knew it wasn't true. Many times, she would bring home a different drunk man and have sex on the couch. Sometimes she would step out and leave me alone with him. I lost count of how many times some of these men would grope and touch me. One of them would creep into my room and watch me.
Sometimes my mother was an angry drunk and well that was very bad news for me. It would mean I had to take her rage. During the time, I used to hang out more on the streets by then.

I would never smile again and if I did, it was only after doing bad things. It started on my school cafeteria, where I purposely tripped a classmate by leg tripping him as hard as I could. Then I stood there smiling (not the same smile as the one my father knew me as) as he fell down, got hurt and started crying. That was the beginning from there. I was by then a different child.