I have a crush on a co worker. Should I tell her?

I have gradually developed feelings for my co worker over the last couple of months. I used to flirt and play fight with to make my intentions clear. She would play fight and tease me back. But i was never sure if she was just being friendly. Judging from how she acts around another guy in work, i can sort of tell she doesn't like me in that way. My feelings for her have grown a lot and i have stopped flirting/play fighting with her to try and distance myself. She has picked up on this and asks if im ok or why am i being moody. I feel like i want to tell her i have a crush on her in case there's a small chance she likes me, and to be able to move on if she doesn't. So should i tell her?

  • Yes
    86% (42)69% (25)79% (67)Vote
  • No
    14% (7)31% (11)21% (18)Vote
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Updates:
22d she's kind of in a relationship thats failing. She posts things like, "i can't cope anymore". Even posting that she's single. I can't believe i missed this out first time posting it

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What Girls Said 27

  • I do t get all the up votes. First read your HR policy on dating. Most companies, even the ones that like nepotism don't care for dating. It can alienate your peers and if it goes wrong ruin your career.

    My company is old school and outright discourages it but allows it so long as you aren't in the same department. If in the same department one has to resign and if kept secret both are fired on the spot.

    I've also worked for companies who allow it and it is always a shit show. I did business with an extremely large company that liked to hire employees spouses when they were relocated. Jesus Christ! You ended up with an executive asking how business was going and you couldn't say anything about their incompetent husband who isn't qualified for the job and doesn't care because his boss' boss is his wife. The company was literally losing millions because that one employee didn't understand his very important job.

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    • 22d

      In a previous post i told of the girl i have a crush on asking the manager about relationships in the workplace, which was aimed at me. The manager said one of you would have to leave.

    • 22d

      So why are you still pursuing it?

    • 22d

      Because im leaving my job soon anyway

  • No, Silence is More Golden, Now that I just Saw your Update.
    Unless she Drops this Dude tomorrow, stay Clear, Dear, and if she Does Do this, Hang out First to Begin a Better Friendship.
    However, never been Keen on Going past the Water Cooler On the Job with a Co-Worker. xx

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    • 22d

      I've noticed more women say tell her, while more men say not to. I guess i should try to meet up with her first as i only know her in a work environment.

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    • 22d

      She potentially is single from what I've heard, so would you still say to move on?

    • 22d

      You said here, dear :"She is kind of in a relationship that's failing."
      She is in something that may or may not be true. Find out for yourself first before doing anything, maybe it is just gossip around the lunch room, so first find out what her stats situation is. xx

  • Tell her. That way you get a clear answer and can move on if she doesn't feel the same. You'll feel so much better. I'm at the point where I want to tell my crush how I feel because I'm pretty sure he doesn't reciprocate, and I want to think about things other than him. There's nothing worse than that limbo of not knowing how someone feels.

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  • It's better to just tell her and not assume like she doesn't care about you as her friend. She does. But you need to get this out of the way. Even if she doesn't think of you as a potential dating partner. It's best to be honest about it, so neither of you will feel worse. Plus your making her feel guilty as it is. She is going to think you don't want to be around her anymore, like she's done something wrong.

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    • 23d

      Yes this is true, by me trying to avoid her i would assume she thinks she's done/said something wrong to me. She asked me if everything was ok and if its not then i should speak to her.

    • 22d

      Update:

      Let her go if she in a relationship. She needs to make her own choices. But now she's been emotionally cheating on her boyfriend with you, and that is not good.

  • Yes you should tell her but don't just come out and say it. You should ask her out to lunch but ask it casual so it doesn't seem awkward. Like, "hey, we should go grab lunch sometime or have you heard about (this movie)... we should go check it out." Don't just sit there and wonder what if.

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    • 22d

      update: she's kind of in a relationship thats failing. She posts things like, "i can't cope anymore". Even posting that she's single. I can't believe i missed this out first time posting it

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    • 22d

      Its looking like she's potentially single. But i guess i dont want to ask her out too soon after a split. I think ill try and gauge her when i next work with her. Maybe try some play fighting/flirting again

    • 22d

      Yeah that would be best and then after a while bring up the lunch or movie thing. Probably lunch first so you can talk about things and get to know one another. See if there's chemistry there.

  • You should tell her, but if she likes you and you start dating, one of you might want to look for another job. As a Human Resource professional, I say this: You don't get your honey where you make your money. Be careful, best of luck

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  • She might have just gotten out of a relationship and is looking to keep things on the light side, if you like her I would interact with her but not fully pursue her until you get more thoughts on how she might react. I would try to get to know her more, maybe even as a friend while trying to see if you really do like her more than just casually or flirtatiously, then you both have less chance of getting hurt. She also may need a little time to sort feelings out from her relationship that ended but you could also be there for her with that, maybe she really needs a friend right now.

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  • There is a lot of great advice on the topic already given so all I can say is that I concur! If you don't tell her you'll just stay in a place of never knowing. Review the previous advice and find a tactful way to tell her.

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    • 21d

      Yes, i think im going to tell her then ask her out. Something like, "I think its obvious that i like you. I was thinking we could meet up after work".

  • I too developed a crush on a co-worker. We had great conversations and told each other very personal things about family and issues.. etc. We hung out outside of work as friends. He is flirty and friendly. I was certain he was feeling it too. So after several years... yes years... I told him one night while we were hanging at his house. He said he was flattered but valued our friendship too much to go there. If it didn't work out things would never be the same between us and he wouldn't want that to happen. He has been there and done that... etc. He said he liked me a lot.. whether intimately or as a friend I don't know and it doesn't matter. Telling him how I felt allowed me to release the feelings that had a hold over me for so long. It was torture to feel these feelings and not tell him. I no longer have a crush on him and we still have our amazing friendship. You never know though. She might like you too. Life is too short to not take chances. I have no regrets.

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  • If she's in a bad relationship she might need you as a friend now. So be there for her and take care of her and you'll see. Things might work out for you then.

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  • don't assume, get certain :)
    that said, show! don't tell

    since she's in a relationship, i would just be friendly for now. then, when it's broken off (if it even gets there), you can resume being flirty and gauge how receptive she is to that. if she still is, then ask her out.

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  • If you don't say anything then you will never know. Then you will always be saying, if only...

    Go for it. Let me know how it goes?

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  • Of course, you should!! I spent a lot of time trying to avoid a physician at work because of my "crush"! It took over a year for me to agree and I regret taking so long!! The sex is the most amazing thing I have experienced!

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  • Absolutely! Tell her. Ask her out. She might like you too.

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  • Don't tell her directly, instead ask her out!

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    • 22d

      Send me a pm

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    • 22d

      I was going to send you my previous post. Update: she was in a short relationship that has potentially ended today. I guess it shouldn't tell her how i feel just yet

    • 20d

      I guess you're right. Comfort her though, let her know you're a good friend.

  • seems like she's in a rocky relationship and trust me i liked a guy that was alsoin a relationship but not a funny closer kind of one more of a distance between each other. He liked me but because of him he had a girlfriend i didn't really do anything so that not gud xD. i guess so i best to tell her but not directly :)

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    • 22d

      How would i tell her in a non direct way?

    • 22d

      because you just said she might not feel the same way and she mght not id say there 50/50 chance she might like you or might not.

  • I think you should. Anything's possible: she couldve just been making you jealous or something. And even if you tell her and she doesn't feel the same way, at least she knows and you can either develop that or move on. And maybe she seems to be acting around with another guy because you distanced yourself from her?

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  • Tell her even if only to make things clear...😊

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  • Yes!!!

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  • Its better to know then live without knowing whether she would've said yes.

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  • Yeah, I think you should tell her. 😊

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  • It seems like there's a big chance that she could like you, otherwise if she didn't then why would she constantly tease you as well every time? I'd say yes should tell her, you'll never know unless you find out

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  • Yes I think you should
    also it's a very good sign that she picked up on that, means she was enjoying your attention at least, not trying to get your hopes up but from what you're saying I think you have a chance

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  • Yes, tell her

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  • Yes you should tell her

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  • Do it only if you plan on acting on it fast, or you're gonna look weird and creep her out. Unlike in movies most girls don't like being straight up told you're in love with them, it's uncomfortable and kinda weird.

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  • You should straight up tell her, that way it's not always on your mind that is the worst feeling.

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What Guys Said 31

  • Ok, I've got the same problem as you, My flirting with her, i believe went beyond friendship. Our hugs most times were very awkward lasting over any "friends" would hug each other, her always suggesting we should get married, i know this is gross but her bursting a spot on my forehead with her figures then kissing it the following day, me hugging her from behind and rubbing my nose onto her cheeks, her looking into my eyes then my lips then my eyes, when asked about it her reply "cos i wanna kiss them", her just randomly kissing me on the cheek, her just randomly hugging me during the day, me telling her people are talking about us but her just carrying on! Me holding her hand while walking around were we work, me grabbing her boob while pushing her away & her saying " you want another feel! this one was weird her asking me over to hers for tea with her and her mum. Ok so all of this flirting, i can say we don't even get along at work, i think she so two faced, I've seen her be nice to people to their faces then slag them off. She is a flirt, so i never really too her flirting seriously until her kiss and her hugging went to far! I told her to stop so she has but now things are so awkward between us, no more flirting, Her purposely trying to get me into trouble. So I've starting hanging around a different female colleague, i don't know if she jealous or just doesn't like her cos she's been acting weird towards her. I did ask if she was jealous to which she replied no!
    So the answer to your question is only you know the answer... deep down you will know if she's into you or is just a attention seeker. Be careful cos relationships at work if it goes wrong is just so f-ing awkward.

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  • I made mine my friend with benefits... you should do something mate. As irksome as it is... sometimes (as a guy) you just gotta just put it all on the table...
    and later on when you become as advanced as i am... you can make HER put it all on the table :) (difficult but worth it)
    Im not boasting, im not perfect, but when i see something, im just direct. rather than torture myself with... "I feel like i want to tell her i have a crush on her in case there's a small chance she likes me"... i just frickin say it. you have the right idea mate... now just do it.

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  • Yeah tell her. Start play fighting and teasing her. While your doing so tease her about going on a date and see her reaction. If you were a teen. I would not suggest trying to date a co worker but cause your an adult then you might as well try it and see what happens. At worst you two will still be friends from what it sounds like.

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  • Hell yeah... unless she's related to you (don't TRUMP it out that way). haha.

    Just DO IT and ask. I don't care how you ask. Be funny, be bold, be sincere (that is least best way).
    Heck, go up to her and say anything...
    "So tonight, 7pm boston pizza?"

    Approaching it easy. Example:
    I actually met my wife (ex-wife) at a 60's diner. I saw her when I walked in and passed by. There was a mirror and she noticed me and elbowed her friend. She made a few looks. I was sweating and WASTING time like you and finally just jumped up and walked to her table. It went something like this:
    "Hey, sorry to bother you, were you and your friend just talking about me?" I said
    "No, I was not talked about you!" She said a little defensive.
    "Well, why not?" I said with a smile.
    They started laughing then I quickly said "ok, ok, that was a little much, for a pickup line." then I sat down, introduced myself, then the wheels began.

    I'm not saying be crazy bold like that, but just do it but there is something you need to know though.
    Sometimes women will say no if they are unsure or shy. It's easy to tell if a woman is not interested. If she isn't strong in her "not interested" or throws an excuse then try a second time instantly. This will give her a 2nd chance to say the right thing "YES".

    Another last example:
    Once I asked this girl out and it was the same deal you were in. There was no way to know for sure she liked me because she was nice other a lot of people but they could be something with us.
    I knew she may flake out when I ask her out so I didn't want to have some serious conversation and give her a clue I was interested. Instead I just flat out got to it.
    ----
    I just plain out said "I've been finding you more and more interesting. Let's go on a date, how's that sound?"
    ---
    Notice, I didn't ask her? I sort or arranged it to not be a question. Naturally a woman will want to say no, and If I asked then it would be too easy to say no. This way she has to say more than no and explain which is basically a womans way of saying "convince me!"(muahaah).
    ---
    "uhh... wow... errr *silence for 2secs* I'm actually interested in someone."
    ---
    If she was not interested she would've said that quick then walked away quick. None of this speech pausing, I replied "I know. I'm trying to get you to boston pizza tonight with him. 7pm is good though, right?" She didn't reply. I said some joke that made her laugh then seriously asked and she said yes.

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  • No because one if she did break up with her boyfriend you'd be a rebound and those never last and two it's never a good idea to get involved with coworkers

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  • Definitely. Be honest when she asks what's wrong tell her you like her but you think she doesn't feel that way about you. Tell her that she needs to be free and clear of her ex before you are to proceed. Tell her you'd like to be there for her but that she needs to take some time to understand how her relationship failed first. Tell her you don't want to be just another rebound. She has to own her part of the failed relationship in order to grow and move on. Hopefully, her introspection will benefit both of you if you get together.

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  • No..

    What you should do is invite her and a few other coworkers to a party or bar you're going to on the weekend. Once there you flirt with her more than you could at work. Do that several times over the course of weeks. Make it normal to party with your coworkers. Then invite just her somewhere else.

    You don't want to do all this at the workplace. You want to be careful.

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    • 22d

      We're actually going out for a works social in a few weeks, but it rarely happens. I guess i could just flirt with her more when we're out.

    • 22d

      You want to invite them out of your own accord. Not work parties. That's a different environment

  • When you get old, you'll have regrets. Why add to them...

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  • If you're both relationship free , start with taking your lunch pause together. Then take a coffee together after work hours and, and...

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    • 22d

      she's kind of in a relationship thats failing. She keeps posting on social media that she's had enough and even posted that she's single.

  • I think you should. You'll never know till you do
    Schrödinger's cat once again

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  • If you have true feelings towards this girl it is good to express your feelings and get to know whether the relationship can be taken forward. Sometimes many boys follow girls but no body dares to ask her if she cares for them. Unless they ask her , they will not know how she feels about them. You have your chance to ask and try to capture the girls heart. Who dares wins.

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  • Life is too short to live with regrets,
    just tell her how u feel and ask her out,

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  • You should have mentioned the relationship off the bat. Don't make a move until she breaks it off, DON'T suggest it to her. That's HER decision. Would you want other dudes pulling that crap on you if you were dating her?

    Second, don't play games, just be her friend. Girls like stability. Wait your turn. If it never happens, so be it and look elsewhere.

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  • I hate this situations - There is no right or wrong answer - I would be inclined to say something

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    • 22d

      even though she is in a relationship albeit a bad one?

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    • 22d

      I think she may have become single a few hours ago lol. there's the potential of me becoming the rebound guy.

    • 22d

      That is another factor maybe take a step back for a few weeks to see how strong your connection is

  • Don't tell her, ask her out. "I like you" "oh.. alright".
    Make it into something that requires a yes or no.

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    • 22d

      Did you end up talking to her? Anyone who posts "i can't cope anymore" shit on fb... Does not want.

    • 21d

      I've not spoken to her yet. I'm still unsure whether to ask her out or tell her how I feel.

  • This is a sticky one. I wouldn't tell her. Since you and her work at the same place, you really can't remove yourself out of the equation.

    It seems that she's in a relationship to be in a relationship.

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  • I would advise against flat out telling someone you like them, much less being 26 and telling a coworker you have a crush on her. If you like her, show, don't tell.

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    • 22d

      If you think she has attraction, then flirt with her, tease her, and lead it up to inviting her for a date.

    • 22d

      update: she's kind of in a relationship thats failing. She posts things like, "i can't cope anymore". Even posting that she's single. I can't believe i missed this out first time posting it

  • Keep it zipped , probably best to stay away from her & continue to distance yourself even more , it does not sound like your feelings are reciprocated , so steer clear !!

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  • If she's getting out of a bad relationship you might want to take some time and let her cope with it.

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  • Logical thing to do is tell her. If she's not interested, it's no biggie, there are over a billion others, there's someone out there for ya. I'd be surprised if she didn't like you.

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  • naah,

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  • I'd ask her out, you never know

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  • The only way you find out how she feels is if you ask

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  • yes, but if it turns out she doesn't like you back, then distance yourself, don't stick around as her friend

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  • It might help to tell her so it can put you at ease.

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  • Drink a bottle of Whiskey and then ask her "Would you like to fuck?".

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  • Tell but accept it and leave if she doesn't reciprocate that it was not meant to be anyway

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  • Yeah be a man and tell her.

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    • 23d

      would there be a certain way of telling her? I would want to do it in a respectful way

    • 23d

      Say u want to tell her something and invite her to a cafe, park or somewhere private. Then talk about your feelings, say like u liked her, she's cute and shi'. No matter if she rejects you or not there are billions of hot chicks all around the world u can get some.

      Just keep in mind that u won't get anywhere with Keeping ur feelings inside of u bruh.. there are a lot of people who missed chances cause of waiting like cowards.

    • 22d

      What if she's just come out of a relationship?

  • You need to know ultimately. Or it will just be another what if

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  • Never try to date a co-worker or roommate.

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