Guys, how would you feel if your girlfriend hardly got jealous?

[lost-angel]

Would it bother you if your girlfriend hardly got jealous?

My boyfriend hides his jealousy from me, and it drives me crazy sometimes. It makes me wonder if he really cares about losing me. I mean, I know it sounds silly because he tells me he doesn't want to lose me, but when I'm talking to or looking at another guy, (things that would get a normal girlfriend jealous) he doesn't say or do anything. Whenever a couple of guys pass, I noticed he would look at me. I think he is checking to see if I would look at the guys.? I don't know. But even when he does catch me looking, he doesn't say anything. Then later on that day or whenever, he would say stuff like, he doesn't look at girls anymore.I really don't believe him, but I don't understand why he would tell me that in the first place? I look at guys sometimes because I want to know if it bothers him. Because, secretly it bothers me sometimes when I catch him looking at another girl. It didn't bother me before, but lately, I noticed it bothers me a lot.

Anywayz, getting back on topic. I want to know how guys would feel if their girlfriend didn't show any sign of jealousy, or anything.

Is it the same feeling I get? Would you test to see what would make her jealous? Is this normal? :(

And, while I'm on this topic, why do guys hide their jealousy anyway?

[cowboys22]

Hey, first I would like to thank you for giving advice to a question I posted anonymously "Any thoughts on open relationships" earlier this week.

I like when my girlfriend gets jealous, because it does show me she cares. Jealousy is natural, so why hide it? Hiding any feelings in a relationship is bad, because you're only lying to yourself and hurting the person you're with.

Some guys don't like to show they're jealous because of the whole tough guy attitude, "I can't let her think I'm insecure or weak". Those guys only lie to themselves, and becomes a turn off for girls, because they ask themselves the same questions you did.

When you're in a relationship/ in love, etc. it is natural for both parties to be jealous when one looks at a member of the opposite sex. Call it whatever you want- insecurity, jealousy, weakness- but you know what, it's natural and in my opinion normal. If you didn't really love the guy, you wouldn't care. If he doesn't really love you, he wouldn't care. All feelings are connected to each other.

It's a dilemma. He's either scared of turning you off because he doesn't want to show jealousy, or he really doesn't get jealous, meaning he doesn't really care. From what you said in the beginning, it sounds like he is hiding it. But, I would want my girlfriend to show jealousy, not in a paranoid way, but in a healthy light-hearted way. Ex. We are both walking hand in hand and I look at a girl passing by, my girlfriend pinches me and says in a humorous voice "what are you looking at?"

Again, thank you for your advice. All the best.

[drstms]

First and foremost, jealousy is not a healthy response. It is a reaction that comes from insecurity. If you need to cause jealousy to feel secure, there is an unhealthy assumption that jealousy is somehow good for a relationship, when it is actually more like a poison that will kill a relationship.

If I were to find my wife looking at other men, I would enjoy knowing that no matter what she might look at them for, she is with me and our relationship is healthy enough to keep the physical aspects of life in the healthy 20% or less of a total relationship, which includes 25% mental, 25% emotional and more than 30% spiritual. When we focus more on any of these factors than this, we are unhealthy in our balance, and risking the longevity and health of the relationship for selfish reasons.

A better test for whether your relationship is secure, is whether or not he is willing to invest time in you, just being with you, not even necessarily doing soemthing with you. The same goes for him evaluating whether or not you are committed to him. Are you each willing to do something you don't want to do, or like, because the other person does? Are you each willing and able to share thoughts, emotions and spiritual experiences and feelings, and listen to the other person share the same, without judging, affirming their perceptions even if you can't agree with them? If not, it is not a healthy relationship and security can only be gained by investment on both parts.

[WeaponZero]

honestly, at this point I stop reading into things and trying to see what they mean. jealousy causes drama and drama is bad. I don't deal with girls who enjoy starting arguments with their man for the same reason. my girl is supposed to help me relax from everything else that's stressing me out, not add to it.

[boyfriend-help-42]

listen they do because they don't know what you think like me and my girlfriend were just talking about this and I told her about my jealousness and I asked her and she told because she says that I'm the best most sencitive boyfriend ever try just telling him your jealousy and ask him his jealousy after that

from: boyfriend help

[Confused614]

because jealousy is an insecurity and no1 wants to seem insecure. but I feel the same way even with my ex when I talked to about another girl to her and she doesn't get jealous it drives me crazy