How to know if it’s truly over?

[Anonymous]

Approximately one month after ending things, my ex and I met. At first, it was a bit formal, but things quickly got back to how we used to hang out. I touched my ex’s face and he then with both hands grabbed my face and looked at me until he started to cry uncontrollably and of course I started the cry and we cried together for at least an hour without saying a word to each other… we were just wiping each other’s tears while cuddling. When we had to say our goodbyes, I told him “I’m sorry” and he told me that I didn’t do anything wrong and that u don’t have to feel sorry. He put his head into my body and started sobbing while saying “im sorry for being so bad to you” and of course I started to cry again.

In total, we spent 8 ish hours together, laughed and cried during that time.

When I left, he watched me leave through his window while both of us were crying because we were leaving each other.

I don’t understand what is going on. 2 weeks ago we were arguing about the breakup and now we finally meet and we’re just crying.

My ex is also answering my texts quicker and wanting to meet more often.

What does this mean? He broke up with me, but why did we have a night filled with so much emotions and love? We both still have very strong feelings for each other so why would he end things if I told him we can work this out?

[Espresso-Grande]

Don't know why he ended it, but he obviously still loves you.

It's quite sad reading this. There's definitely still something between you both .

It depends on the reason why he ended. Sometimes people don't want to end a relationship, but have no choice because of circumstances. It would help more if we knew more about why and how it ended

[Asker]

Prior to ending the relationship, we had a huge argument that lasted about one month. We acknowledged that we needed to work on things with each other so that we could be better for each other (back then he was in a mental rut). He kept pushing off talking about problems. He said something that really stressed me out and I told him. He said why does it stress u out, so I basciallh told him everything deep down inside of me that has caused me to think this way about our relationship (most of those things were things he has done that really hurt me). At the end of all of it, I told him we’re not fighting we’re okay. I just wanted to let it all out so we can start fresh. Then he said “don’t worry, I’ll never bother you or hurt you ever again”. The next day I called him and he acted distant. I said what’s wrong. And he just said “I won’t bother or talk to you anymore, I won’t ever hurt you again” and that’s when we broke up. He has been cold and mean to me ever since the last week and what I mentioned above.

[Asker]

During being ‘mean’ after the breakup, he also said that we’ll never stop fighting. I told him to give us a chance. But back then he was fixated on it. Now, not so much. He’s just fixated on the idea that he will hurt me again and I am better off without him, so he’s doing this for me even though I told him no.

[Espresso-Grande]

I think you should both have a heart-to-heart talk. Tell each other how you feel and what needs to change so the relationship can be salvaged. It sounds like it can be if you both communicate and change how you both respond and react to an issues that arise in the relationship.

[Asker]

Yes it’s just better to do it in person but I don't know if I’ll see him in person again. Although he told me he would tell me when he comes to me City :/

[Espresso-Grande]

I really do hope you both get back together. ❤

[Asker]

Me too but I genuinely think this might be the really wrong time for us :/

[Espresso-Grande]

You know it's over if there's nothing worth fighting for or if only one of you is fighting to make it work.

[Asker]

How do I know that there’s nothing with left fighting for?

[Espresso-Grande]

"if there's too water under the bridge"as though to speak... that nothing can be salvaged. Or if what you had can't be salvaged.

[Jessicah12345]

If he cheated you, then it is better to continue and leave the past. It is normal that he would cry, because he may continue to love you, but doesn't mean he respects you. There is a difference.
However , if there are other reasons such as minimal, then I believe you should be together.
again, it depends on the reasons of breakup. You should explain more, what did he do in the past that he doesn't want to hurt you anymore

[Asker]

He attempted to cheat on me but it didn’t go through in the past and then he felt super guilty about it and stuff. But the breakup was mainly about other little things like not prioritizing my birthday, not priotizing me. He doesn’t even prioritize himself, so I don't know how I expected him to prioritize me and I told him that after the breakup that he should get some help. He is still fixated on the idea that he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore, so it’s better off if he’s out of my life

[Asker]

But now he talks to me nicely, listens to me, doesn’t argue with me. I just found the crying from his side took me so off guard. He’s the type of person that will hide his emotions. But he just grabbed my face, looked at it and started to cry. It was just so sad overall. Like both of us didn’t want to let go. I told him this shouldn’t have ended this way and he just kept on thinking and crying

[Asker]

Oh and he also refuses to tell his friends that we are broken up, implied that we can go on vacation together, and told me “you’re the only person I can talk to”

[Jessicah12345]

Are you sure he didn’t cheat on you. Maybe he did, and now he is feeling guilty and doesn't want to hurt you. Otherwise for such little things as birthday and stuff like this, I dont believe there should be a breakup because you can just communicate and sort this thing together. however if you told him for this prioritization and he didn't change and you gave a lot of chances. Then i believe there is a lack of communication between you and you are not for each other. And even if you be”get together again then the same thing will happen. I just know that if a man loves truly a girl, he will try to change for her.

[Jessicah12345]

And also this thing about trying to cheat and he couldn't is a little suspicious. I mean if he loves you he will not even think of that.

[Asker]

Yeah I get that. I just don’t understand why he would cry so hard, watch me leave while he has tears in his eyes, treat me nicer now. He can’t let me go he even said that I can’t stop thinking and worrying about you I’m always stalking your Instagram just to look at your face again.

[Jessicah12345]

And what could you do? He is the one mainly that doesn't want to get back with you, because he is afraid that will hurt you again. It seems that you love him more than he does. If he doesn't want to be with you, regardless of the reasons, you cannot force him. The time will tell if everything has ended or not. Now waht you can do, is to focus on your life. if he want to get back with you he will. As i understand, this is more on his hands then on yours, because you are ready to get back with him again.

[Asker]

I know I cannot do anything. I just don’t understand why he was crying and all if he is the one who ended it with me. He still loves me. I just don’t know why he can’t let go of me. He won’t tell anyone that our relationship is over.

[Crankor]

Why did you break up? Those emotions of missing each other won't change that. It takes longer than a month to get over someone too. Meeting up before your over them just resets that clock. If you dont want it to be over then keep seeing each other. But like I said, that doesn't change whatever the reason was you broke up initially

[Asker]

We broke up because he said he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and that he would love me from a distance but he can’t. He’s suffering on his own without me. He’s in so much pain and I’m in so much pain. I told him we’re punishing ourselves by not being together and he agreed. I really don’t get why he’s so scared to hurt me. Or I don't know how to convince him to give it another try knowing all of this.

[Crankor]

Hurt you how?

[Asker]

I explained to him that him texting a girl in the past hurt me a lot (we stayed together a long time after that), he wouldn’t prioritize what was important to me, he is depressed so would also take his anger out on me by ignoring me or giving me the cold shoulder because he was having a bad day. But then he’s like “I realize I do all of this stuff, I just don’t know why and I don’t want to be like that” so I’m a health care professional I did a depression screening on him and it’s quite likely that he is depressed. I told him to get help but I don't know I was his person. He needs my encouragement and my help to do it.

[Crankor]

Well, I can say the reasons he acts that way are probably ones that are considered very minute but quickly compound each other. Him seeing a therapist would help I'm sure to figure out the roots

[Asker]

I agree. I tried to get him to therapy but he needs my motivation to do it but we’re not together anymore so

[AADIDEV]

When they (your ex) easily live that moment which they can't live before without you coz at that time you're his or her power but now hr/she moved on... and it's better to not to waste time maybe you're going to get true love or a true partner after breaking up with you ex...🙂

[Asker]

I know but we can’t get rid of each other, we’re both suffering

[Asker]

He broke up with me because he says I hurt you enough in the past you don’t deserve this. I don’t want to hurt you anymore

[Shamalien]

Sometimes the feelings are very strong, but there are good reasons why it won’t work out.