Help, not into casual hookups?

[Anonymous]

I’m 23 and thanks to covid, really have no love life. I decided to download hinge to try it. I’m really not into hooking up and would prefer to have sex with a dude I actually get to know and develop feelings for and eventually date? This guy and I went on our first date for sushi and it was so much fun. He hasn’t been creepy or sexual or anything like that and he’s been texting me everyday. Not in a weird way, just in a very casual what you up to type convo. He said he wanted to see me again and suggested a movie night at his house. I got that weird sinking feeling of like great, he just wants to fuck me. I can't help it though, I really don’t know him and it’s kinda odd for a second date. I do have a crush on him and I want to let him know I’m not into the netflix and chill but am I jumping the gun? How do I let him know that isn’t me without sounding like a psycho? Also, I don’t feel comfortable in general going to a guys house anyway when we just met. Please give advice

[ohshee]

First of all you need to be more confident second while you are the boss if it starts heading that direction then you need to put a stop to it if you don't want it or like it just be honest with the guy. Be 100% honest look at it like this it's a 60/40 deal 60% is going to make a move on you 40% maybe not if he does say well your friend was right he said it was 60 40 but he told me to tell you is 0 100 did I would say no say sorry but I just can't do it right now I don't want to be that person I hope you understand and he will either respect you give you a hug play kiss your neck in slow-motion up your chin do your lips LOL because he still working at 60% Don't Panic have fun don't let it ruin your night you are the boss he knows that you know that it'll all work out

[serious]

" I do have a crush on him and I want to let him know I’m not into the netflix and chill but am I jumping the gun? How do I let him know that isn’t me without sounding like a psycho? Also, I don’t feel comfortable in general going to a guys house anyway when we just met. Please give advice"

Irrespective to whether you have a crush on him or not there is no nice way of saying that you are not into casual hookups, you have to be upfront, straightforward and direct. If you try to be overly nice and indirect then he may think otherwise or he may assume that as your shyness.

[kidvid80]

your little inner voice "hesitating" knows something is off. what you can do is, suggest- eh lets go do something fun! go for a long walk, go bowling something like that, even frisbee in a local park. if he gets all bent out of shape due to your suggestion or doesn't wanna do anything else then he def has ulterior motives with the netflix and chill thing.

[kyleelyn199723]

If you aren’t into that how about suggesting going to the movies or even just finding another activity in all. Say “I’m interested in going ___, we should do that next time we see each other” if he loses interest or keeps suggesting the movies at his house, then you know what only talking to you for

[MTC29]

"Also, I don’t feel comfortable in general going to a guys house anyway when we just met."

You have your answer. That little voice in the back of our head that says "Don't do this" is almost always right. When we ignore that little voice (and I'm guilty of it) it almost always leads to trouble- sometimes serious trouble.

Use your best judgement, and for a young woman your age, it sounds like you judge is pretty darned good!

[iluvtoknow]

Literally say exactly that to him next time you see him; prefaced with “to be clear” or something like that. If you think it’ll be weird, give an explanation of why you think you need to be clear, let him know too.

It’s an important conversation, and by its own nature is less weird than you might think. Just don’t be accusatory.

There are lots of guys who don’t want immediate sex too, so good luck.

[exitseven]

I don't know how much experience you have with dating but you just need to set your boundaries and be persistent and don't lead him on or tease him.
A Netflix date can be appropriate especially with the virus. Maybe suggest that you make real popcorn for the movie or think of some other activity the both of you can have fun with.

[melanieeeB]

Personally I never go to someone's house when I'm just getting to know them, I would never trust someone like that in the beginning. Just say you don't feel comfortable going to his place and done

[LiamS95]

Just be straight forward with him, tell him you're not comfortable beinging alone with a guy you just met at his place and prefer a public setting as you get to know each other. He will soon make his intentions clear if you're up front with him. Stand your ground and best of luck. I'm not into the whole hook up thing either but I find so many seem to think it's normal which it really is not.

[Anonymous]

Just tell the truth.
Say exactly how you feel -- "I don’t feel comfortable going to a guys house when we just met."
Tell him you're up to go for a walk in the park or something else.
You would like to take it slow and really get to know him.
If he's a decent guy he should respect that.

[On_cloud_wine]

You control the situation. If he doesn’t respect your wishes, what’s there to lose? He’s just anotha one

[buddysboy16]

You need to tell him how you feel. If he can't respect that, move on, he's not the one for you.

[Anonymous]

“Hey ___, I don’t really feel comfortable going to your house yet. If you want to, do you want to maybe meet somewhere else?”

[PinkVenus]

It's your decision, you decide how you want to approach it. If you're looking for hookups, then thats the signal you should send and if you're looking for actual dates, you should clearify that.

[Luckycharms12]

Yap he wants to fuck you

[Coolkat12345]

Only go to his house if he marries you.

[Jmmmfi4]

Suggest an alternate date idea

[Hikki101]

Just say as it is