What is it like to date a Dutch man/woman?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I know all men are men, but I wonder if there are any cultural differences that I should be aware of.

There’s a handsome Dutch entrepreneur here who has asked me out and I wonder what he might be like. I know a bit about him since we have been chatting for a few days. He added me through Wechat groups and we haven’t met each other in person yet. So far, he seems very interesting, I have also listened to some of his interviews as he is quite renowned here and is very smart. But other than that I don’t know much about him or his cultural background.

What are your experiences?

I also feel very nervous and he’s asked me when I am free for a dinner and couldn’t decide when 😅 I feel so nervous, I feel like not meeting him at all or procrastinating as much as possible 🥵

I really wish I could just relax and be confident in myself the way I am and not worry about everything.

[molonski2]

Well , just from my straw pole of life experience , Dutch men are very aggressive and controlling , now I'm sure this is not every dutch man , but its virtually every dutch man I know or have known , my god parents were dutch , and I knew quite a few dutch selling the land , and quite a few here in Asia.

Dutch women can be very sexy no doubt , they also always are pretty load and straight forward , they say things like " You ain't much unless your dutch " , its an " in your face culture " , not always my favorite people in general terms , I like other parts of Europe.

[molonski2]

opps thats " loud and straight forward "

[Drewtate]

Strange customs to get used to

[Andres77]

“All men are men” that’s very transphobic…🤣🤣🤣

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

🙄🙄

[Andres77]

While other nations rule the seas, the Dutch have been buying ports for 200+ years. He’s probably a secret millionaire.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That scares me even more!

[Andres77]

You’re amazingly smart. Pay attention and you’ll do fine. Your powers of observation are amazing. Ask him about Hong Kong and Singapore and Lima and Los Angeles. See what cities he’s been to. Tell him you have always been fascinated with the sea but hadn't sat down to study that particular history yet. Let him talk. Take notes.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you Andress ^_^

[Andres77]

👍👍👍
Team Georgia!!!

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Hahaha 💖

One more question, I haven’t responded him for 3 hours out of nervousness, should I make up an excuse for replying late or just answer when I am free for a dinner without mentioning why I answer so late?

I have this dating anxiety, that is paralyzing at times. I am not going to tell him this.

He asked me if I can find time for a dinner these days and I haven’t answered and I wonder if he will think I am rude for replying so late.

[Andres77]

You are a busy professional. You get back to him when you get back to him. You’re still respectful, don’t be fawning or make excuses. You give up your power. The goal is mutual respect.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Okay. Thanks 🧚🏻‍♀️💖

[Andres77]

All the best.
Keep a ball point pen nearby in case you have to stab him in the eye.
Good luck!

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Okay… There’s one more thing I am nervous about, I saw his Instagram and all the girls he follows are very high-maintenance, model level girls, who most likely spend every evening in beauty salons. I am not that type.

[BoopBoopBeep]

"I have this dating anxiety, that is paralyzing at times. I am not going to tell him this."

i would ABSOLUTELY tell him that. Otherwise, yes, there are several instances you've shared that I would otherwise consider quite rude and I would lose interest in you. Especially if he's a high caliber man.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@BoopBoopBeep Isn’t it more of a red flag to tell him how anxious I truly am to meet him? That I can’t even answer his message on time because I am nervous about when to meet?

And what other things did you find rude? Please share me. If I act rude that’s mostly not rudeness that mostly comes out of my nervousness that might seem rude, I guess.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Women who follow him on IG are models, flawlessly beautiful girls, some from Vogue Shanghai and so on and on. I would be nervous even If I slightly liked him. Now that I like him so much, it makes things much more nervous for me.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@lafemmefatale_1
Admittedly yes, both are detractors, but anxiety is... well... is what it is. Rudeness, however, is a red flag. At least honesty about the anxiety mitigates it greatly and puts the ball back in his court to decide if he wants to deal with that. He WILL have to deal with that if he's going to be around for any length of time, but he can't make that decision if he doesn't know that it is in play.

I don't remember the details of the other two (three?) occasions, but the long and short of it was well, more of the same, and I remember thinking something along the lines of "I'd probably just chalk it up to her wasting my time" (if I was in his position... whoever the "his" was referring to in the story you shared). That said, I've never been one to chase after anyone, and my patience is very thin for those who require it of me. They are always disappointed because I won't, but unfortunately there's just too many reminders that my life is short to spend much of it playing games. Not that you are intending to play games of course. I realize that because I've read enough of your posts to know that, but if all that were erased and we met at a coffee shop on a chance encounter tomorrow for the very first time blah blah blah... that sort of thing :)

I know none of it was coming out of rudeness. I just want those around you to see that as well.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I only have dating anxiety, which means I don’t have any type of problems with my anxiety unless I am starting to date someone new. I handle my life perfectly well and in the times of problems, when people would be paralyzed and wouldn’t know what to do, I succeed greatly.

Dating, love, the fear of rejection - this is my weakness and the biggest factor of my anxiety.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I told him that I might sometimes reply him late because I am a bit introverted and don’t always check my messages, which is partially true.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t like playing games, I am extremely honest mostly but I feel shy saying that I like someone so much that I can’t even talk to them properly 🤣 It will get better. I had a pretty nice relationship and as soon as I get comfortable enough I am a very nice girlfriend. It’s just dating freaks me out.

I was 9 years old in my summer village, there was one boy who told me he loved me and then he asked me if I loved him too, I said “yes”. And then the next day I asked my mom to rush me back to the city, because I felt shy to face that boy, I thought now that he knew I loved him too he would not like me anymore. So that’s been part of me for a very long time and it does take patience to build a relationship with me but I think it’s worth it because I know how much effort it takes to build a nice relationship and I am willing to work on it, put my best in it and be my best version for my partner.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I once liked a guy a lot… He met me at a birthday party and asked me out because really liked me. I thought he liked me mistakenly and as he saw me more and more often he wouldn’t like me anymore, because he seemed to be so good.

So I refused meeting him, saying yes and then saying no… But I was struggling I really wanted to meet him but at the last moment I was so freaked out, I would refuse. After 3 months he gave up, I told him that I do have a phobia of dates, that’s what I thought it was at that time. I was 21. I now know it is dating anxiety.

He laughed about it and didn’t believe. I guess he thought a girl as confident as me couldn’t have a dating anxiety. The thing is I come off confident sometimes but in truth I always feel like I might deserve being liked but maybe I am not good enough to be loved. That’s where my anxiety comes from.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@lafemmefatale_1
First off, thanks for sharing all of that :) Secondly, I'm sure it's worth it in the long run, I would just hate for you to miss out on someone who may not make it to the long run because they weren't aware of what you were going through and just thought you were brushing them off

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I sometimes think hadn’t my ex been a very persistent person, I’d probably stay forever single, as most men don’t have the patience or understanding that I am not trying to be hard to get.

I understand them.

My ex was very persistent. If I didn’t answer him, he would come at my work, or around my home. He would meet me everywhere. He didn’t give me the time to refuse his dates. He was just coming to me, asking me if I was hungry and taking me to eat or cinema or somewhere. He directly came to me without giving me the time to get anxious. He was also very patient, understanding and he used to pick up on little things that I liked him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He didn’t give me the chance to refuse. Which I am very thankful for 😅😅

[Andres77]

He likes bimbo girls? Which, you are not. Maybe he’s not expecting intellectual conversation from you.
“The one who cares least about the relationship has the most power.” Don’t explain everything. “The one who understands the other’s motive wins the negotiation.” If he knows you’re this nervous, he might use it to his advantage.
How many girls are we talking about? Does he THINK that you’re a shallow girl? Are you his next candidate for his local “fun girl” while he’s in town? If he IS a millionaire, is that enough for you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No… I like him because he’s looking for the same things as me. He told me he was cheated in his last relationship and he is looking for someone very loyal and honest, I am both. He said he is looking for a serious relationship. He is very charismatic, which I like a lot. Very handsome, which I also like. He is very smart, that I admire. He is very creative and I like it a lot. I don’t care about the money part really. All I can do with that information is to show him that not all girls are money crazy.

I mentioned millionaire part because he must have had his fair share of beautiful girls knowing how lots of girls love money.

[Andres77]

He still has to go earn you. Money and experience are not the most important qualities in a person. Character is. Don’t go into thinking that he has more value than he does.! You put yourself at the disadvantage immediately.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Also I was just as nervous when I went on a date with a part/time actor and a full-time student last month. So it’s not his money that makes me nervous. I don’t think about it at all.

It’s none of my business.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep. You are right. Thank you Andres 🧚🏻‍♀️🧚🏻‍♀️

[Andres77]

“I was cheated on” is sometimes a play for sympathy. He doesn’t even know you and he’s thinking about “relationship” already? Was he cheated on by one of his bimbos?
https://m.youtube.com/shorts/_C3ErnBbgr4

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I will be careful, I have only known him for 4 days so I will not easily fall for everything he says.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@BoopBoopBeep I just saw your last comment here. I must have missed it yesterday. Thought you didn’t reply. Thanks for the advice.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@lafemmefatale_1
Haha no worried :)

[soe11]

I don't know, because I never had a girlfriend.

[BoopBoopBeep]

At 52 you've never had a girlfriend? That seems like an interesting backstory...

[soe11]

@BoopBoopBeep
Dutch female

[BoopBoopBeep]

You are a dutch female? Says your male... and what does dutch have to do with anything? Or am i missing a code word for something?

[Christoff92]

Wouldn't find it a problem. Never yet dated one. But nothing inaccurate about that.

[Sparkie460]

I never dated a Dutch woman

[Guardian45]

I have NO idea. I date Homo sapiens women

[azgınteke]

amsterdam red street love it